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Thread: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

  1. #71
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    Mar 2010
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    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Oh, I completely agree. And if my DH said anything like that, I'd rip him a new one. But I'm naturally pretty assertive when it comes to these sorts of things. It's harder if you're not already an outspoken, assertive person. Also, I hope her DH was speaking out of frustration and didn't really mean some of the things he said.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  2. #72
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    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    glad I'm not the only one!
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  3. #73
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*LaurenC View Post
    DH said these were all my choices and if I was this miserable, I should quit. He said: "I never once forced you to breastfeed. You are the one who bring this hardship upon yourself and I am so tired of hearing you complain everyday and nag about every little thing. It is your choice to breastfeed and if you are unhappy then you should quit."
    But you're not complaining about your choice to breastfeed. You are complaining about issues that are the direct result of your DH & MIL's choices to undermine your breastfeeding relationship. Your baby should not get a single bottle while you are there. Not one. Period. I would be livid over this. Actually I am livid over this. No woman should be subjected to this kind of treatment. I agree with everyone else, it's time to throw down the hammer. It's time for your husband to man up. It is absolutely unacceptable that you are being treated this way.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    Often the best thing to do when confronted with a grabby grandma/daddy/other family member is to keep baby on you at all times. Wear baby in a sling- it's much harder for people to take baby from your arms than it is from a crib, and people are often a little less likely to grab/touch baby when that means invading your personal space. I also suggest feeding baby from the breast as much as possible. If someone shows up with a bottle, don't let them use it. Just stick your breast into baby's mouth and then look up and say "I will let you know when she is done".


    If they are going to give bottles at every opportunity, then don't give them an opportunity. I've used my sling even to simply use the the washroom without having to put my baby down.
    K. Sophia - Mama to my little lactivore, the amazing Mr. X (11/10).

  4. #74
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    Maryland
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    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Yes - it's mainly out of frustrations DH , but DH just doesn't understand how painful and frustrating it is to spend every other day with plugged ducts. Then he has the audacity to whine when he can't get snuggle time with me! (Let's face it ladies, who feels like snuggling when their chest is on fire?!) We haven't been intimidate since my last trimester and it's been tough for the both of us - but I haven't been in the mood (first I was too fat from being preggers, then I was recovering from childbirth, then I was struggling with the pain of plugged ducts/Mastitis/Abscess surgery and surly from lack of sleep). Lately, we've been fighting so much and I'm struggling with these weird emotions (I'd be okay one minute, then another minute I'd suddenly feel weepy/depressed/just tired of everything)... so the mood has never been there.

    I've been trying really hard not to sound so petulant when I'm at home in front of MIL/DH, but the only time I get to EB is on the weekends (if I'm not working). Saturdays and Sunday's are the only 2 days I never get plugged ducts. Then M-F it's a exhausted week long worth of sleep deprivation and painful breasts. I get one early early morning session with the baby, then I'm practically away from her until one really really late night session. The problem is, by the time I take a quick shower and have my dinner, MIL has already fed the baby and she's asleep.

    The baby co-sleeps with MIL, primarily because DH and I work long jobs and have really long commutes. We barely get 4-5 hours of sleep and if the baby sleeps with us, DH is up all night fussing over every little whimper or sigh she makes. For some strange reason, I sleep like the dead. The baby use to sleep with us, but during all those nights, I've not once heard her cry. The only time I would wake up, is when my breasts were engorged and I was forced to climb out of bed to pump.

    I remember once I woke up to find DH feeding the baby a bottle of breast milk. I got royally mad and asked him why he didn't wake me. He said the baby was fussing/crying for a long time and he even called my name several times, but got no response! I... honestly did not hear a thing!

    Naturally, that made me feel like a complete failure. Even now, I oversleep the alarms I set for myself to wake up and pump. I leave the baby monitor next to my bed, yet I don't hear any cries.

    I talked to DH and we got into another argument Sunday evening. I had a tiring weekend, between work and the baby, I was struggling to stay awake. I remember taking a quick shower around 5pm while DH held the baby (she didn't want to lie down, she wanted someone to hold her up so she can look around)... then sat down on the bed to change into PJ's...

    ...and woke up 4 1/2 hours later to a dark and empty room. Apparently the entire family already had dinner and the baby was getting ready for bed/being fed a bottle. DH strolled into the bedroom, ready for bed and innocently asked if I had a nice nap.

    Let's just say, I unleashed a thunder storm

    First of all, why didn't he wake me for dinner? Did he just assume I wouldn't mind eating all by myself on the kitchen table, in the dark?! Also, why didn't he tell me the baby was hungry? I ended up getting severe plugged ducts because I didn't hear the baby or pumped!

    Yes - I know it was my fault for not setting the alarm or leaving the bedroom door open, but I didn't even realize I passed out. Waking up to a burning chest isn't my idea of "relaxed and energized."

    DH immediately got upset with me - he said I've been so tired lately, when I passed out, he wanted to give me a few hours of undisrupted sleep. He said he was tired of my tantrums and complaints and told me to stop

    Needless to say, I pumped for a bit, crying partially from my own stupidity and the pain from plugged ducts... since MIL already had the baby asleep in her crib, in her room... I ended up lying down on the living room sofa and cried as I waited for the baby to wake up. I planned on intercepting MIL when she came out to warm a bottle.

    By 2am, DH came out and told me to stop being a baby and to go back to the room to pump. It's been hours since I last pumped and the baby doesn't seem to be stirring. By that time, I was so tired my eyes were cross-eyed, so I called a truce and went back to the room to pump and sleep in my own bed.

    When we woke up this morning, I still had plugged ducts, but I made a huge effort to swallow my complaints and kept a happy face for DH as he got ready for work. MIL brought the baby over for her morning feeding and it helped a bit.

    I'm sitting here typing this post and wondering how did everything go downhill so quickly? Why does it feel like I can't do anything right? Nothing seems to be going smoothly like they said in breastfeeding classes. Reading other mama's posts here... just seems like they have a better support team from their friends, family and DH. I just feel like I'm

    Maybe it's true - I do complain a lot and it's all my fault, but I feel like I can't voice my feelings outloud anymore. You guys/La Leche is really the only place I can say anything.
    Proud of Baby

  5. #75
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Mama - I don't know how to say this gently, so I apologize if anything I say comes across in a negative manner. Most of us do not have the additional "help" of a MIL to cosleep with our babies. Our husbands/partners are likely more supportive than yours because, at least in my case, I would not put up with the garbage that you are dealing with. If the baby does wake your husband up too much, why doesn't HE go co-sleep with MIL.

    You're only getting 5 hours of sleep a day? What can you do about that? Can you guys not move closer to work? Work less hours? I work nearly full time and I feel like I don't have enough time with my children. I can't imagine being in a situation where I would get home and then pass my child off to the person that already got to have them all day. I am saying this with no judgement mama.

    What if you put her in a crib next to you with a monitor to amplify her crying? So you could hear her? I think you have a lot of things to work out - clearly getting into a pattern of nursing your baby when you are home instead of her getting bottles is in order.

    Will MIL wake YOU up to nurse her instead of feed her a bottle at night if you ask her to? Have you talked to your MIL about any of this, or have you been only complaining to your husband about it?

    And I know it sounds like your DH was trying to mess things up with that nap, but maybe he just wanted to let you rest.

    I can only shake my head at your situation because I just cannot understand it. Are you from another culture, where this type of living situation is more normal?
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  6. #76
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    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommy2lilah View Post
    Mama - I don't know how to say this gently, so I apologize if anything I say comes across in a negative manner. Most of us do not have the additional "help" of a MIL to cosleep with our babies. Our husbands/partners are likely more supportive than yours because, at least in my case, I would not put up with the garbage that you are dealing with. If the baby does wake your husband up too much, why doesn't HE go co-sleep with MIL.

    You're only getting 5 hours of sleep a day? What can you do about that? Can you guys not move closer to work? Work less hours? I work nearly full time and I feel like I don't have enough time with my children. I can't imagine being in a situation where I would get home and then pass my child off to the person that already got to have them all day. I am saying this with no judgement mama.

    What if you put her in a crib next to you with a monitor to amplify her crying? So you could hear her? I think you have a lot of things to work out - clearly getting into a pattern of nursing your baby when you are home instead of her getting bottles is in order.

    Will MIL wake YOU up to nurse her instead of feed her a bottle at night if you ask her to? Have you talked to your MIL about any of this, or have you been only complaining to your husband about it?

    And I know it sounds like your DH was trying to mess things up with that nap, but maybe he just wanted to let you rest.

    I can only shake my head at your situation because I just cannot understand it. Are you from another culture, where this type of living situation is more normal?
    yep, I'm an old lady LaurenC, so imagine me pulling you aside and saying WTF ARE YOU DOING??? ok now seriously, Tracie gave some great advice. This needs to happen, no tiptoeing around MIL or DH...it's time to put on your big girl panties and lay down the law about what happens with your baby. There is no way in the universe that my MIL would cosleep with my infant...it's NOT safe to have a family member cosleep AND you need to be night nursing!!! STOP, please stop putting up roadblocks for yourself and being wishywashy. DO it, nurse baby at all times when home, cosleep or put baby in cosleeper with a monitor to amplify sound, DH can sleep elsewhere. INSIST that DH and MIL (if they ever hold baby) give her up when you are home. No more excuses, if you want this to happen you have to do it!
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  7. #77
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    20,957

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    with Tracie. It sounds like your work/sleep arrangements aren't working for you. If your baby sleeps with you, your DH is up all night. If your baby sleeps with your MIL, you don't get to nurse. Either way, it's not ideal. So how about you and baby find your own space where you can sleep independent of your DH and your MIL? Is that possible? When my kids were little, my DH simply moved into the guest room at night. It wasn't ideal that we didn't get to sleep together, but it resulted in much better sleep for everyone. And DH and I were able to have our cuddle time in the guest room, free of baby. It was like a romantic getaway for us!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  8. #78
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Another old lady here

    It is NOT recommended for anyone other than mom to cosleep with baby.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  9. #79
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    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    i TOTALLY agree with what everyone's been saying here. but i want to chime in about the co-sleeping - it is a risk factor for anyone but the breastfeeding mom to bed-share with baby. my DH, too, doesn't sleep with us (which started because of his snoring, but continues now also because of baby).

    BUT: you've said a couple times now that YOU don't wake up when baby is crying. that does not sound like a safe situation either, and i like the PP's idea of a separate bed surface with a monitor by your head to amplify the noises. this will allow you to respond much quicker, wake up less, baby wakes up less, and even if you're only in bed 5 hours you'll get a lot more rest that way.

    but i also agree with PP that you need to figure out how to get more sleep. 5 hours is not enough for anyone, much less a lactating new mom; no wonder all that stress pushed you into illness so quickly!

    this is not a healthy situation, all around, mama; you need to fix some things.

    ETA: again, put MIL to work on the things you DO need help with: cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. not parenting, not feeding.
    DS1 6/7/11
    DS2 10/29/13

    Nursing, pumping, cloth-diapering, babywearing, working professor mama with the awesomest SAHD ever.

  10. #80
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    1,293

    Default Re: Have Mastitis: Really need support & encouragement

    Hey there. I agree that you just need to take the baby, you take care of The baby and that's it.

    Stand up for yourself. If your dh doesn't want to sleep somewhere else can you use another bedroom?

    You need to just be a mother to your baby right now, your mil is not the mother of your child.

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