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Thread: How annoyed should I be?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    171

    Default How annoyed should I be?

    So MIL watches DD for us on Mondays & she goes to dc on Tues & Thurs. I pump at work & she gets 3 (4.5oz) bottles of EBM while I'm gone. She's 6.5 m/o & recently started eating 2 meals a day. Right now she gets a bit of rice cereal mixed w/EBM. I am starting to introduce some more nutritious foods to her as well, but so far she hasn't really gone for much. Likes her cereal though. Anyway, we always nurse (or bottle) first, then she gets her cereal 1/2 hr to an hr later. When I leave her w/MIL or dc I always write out the times that she should get her bottles/cereal & bottle is ALWAYS before cereal. However, MIL has (several times now) done cereal first & then her bottle right after. She says that she finishes both, but I don't like that she's doing the cereal first b/c I know that the EBM has way more nutritional value & calories for her and I don't want her ever refusing or not finishing her bottle b/c she's full of gloppy cereal. I have explained this to MIL several times but IDK if she really takes me seriously. She was pushing cereal at 4-5 months-ish when we hit a rough week of sleepness nights ("she'll sleep better"...not true!). So I know she is pro-solids & I don't think she is all that informed about breastmilk/breastfeeding. She was a nurse in a pediatric clinic for awhile too.

    Anyway, my question is, how irritated should I be by this? On one hand, DD is happy & well cared for while I'm gone. But on the other hand, she is flat out not doing things the way I asked her to, which (even though this is a small-ish thing), is irritating to me & makes me wonder what else she has/is/will ignore. This is not the only thing either...I feel like practically every week there is something odd (usually small stuff though) that she does that I'm irritated about. Maybe I'm spoiled b/c her dc does exactly what we ask them to. So I guess I expect that from others who take care of her too. Also, if I'm being totally honest, I think part of me is irritated that I have to work at all and can't be with her at home full time. So maybe I take out my frustration by venting & dwelling on things that aren't a big deal. IDK.

    What would you do? Is this worth making a big deal out of? This coming Monday I plan to reiterate (AGAIN) that I want bottle first ALWAYS & that the cereal is not the priority. Then we'll see what happens...

    Shoot, I always write too much...TIA mamas!
    DD, 7-2-2011, "Little Owl" nursed for 21 months

    DS, 10-10-2013, "Mr. Man" EBF and going strong

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: How annoyed should I be?

    It's really unique to you, your MIL and your relationship with her. If you have a good relationship, try sitting down with her at another time (i.e. not at drop off for the day and not with DD in your arms). Sit down and have a serious heart to heart with her, explaining what you have here. How important it is, how much it means to you, that you don't want her filling up on cereal when she's still getting the vast majority of her nutrition from BM, etc. If you have the type of relationship where she's open to what you have to say, it should be worth the effort to go out one afternoon for coffee to discuss it.

    I have to admit that it does concern me that you say that there seems to be 'something little every week' that irritates you. If she's taking liberties with your child and the quantity of those liberties (even though small themselves) is growing, I would be more concerned. That is something that needs to be nipped in the bud. In the end, this is your baby. If you aren't comfortable and if your Momma-bear-instincts are telling you something is up, take action. Be it a stern talking to, a warning or simply stopping the care by her altogether.

    What does your gut tell you?
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    429

    Default Re: How annoyed should I be?

    I think I'd get this "little" thing hammered out now before sometime in the future a few little things turn into a big thing. I agree sit down and talk without DD around and explain why you want the bottle first and perhaps present her with some of the latest facts and statistics about the importance of breastmilk (if you think that will help at all) and tell her that it really is very important to you that you can trust her to follow the decisions you have made for your DD. Good luck!
    Melissa

    Young SAHM of
    Afton (A1) (1/24/09) and
    Autumn (A2) (8/29/11)

    Sealed in the SLC Temple

    and and now CDing!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Springfield, Oregon
    Posts
    916

    Default Re: How annoyed should I be?

    I think I'd decide what areas I can be flexible with and what areas I can't be and then explain that to mil. For example you may not give your lo sugary treats but accept that mil will on special occassion. You might tell her you don't mind her spoiling your lo with love, games, even toys, or an extended bedtime (whatever you choose) but that areas of feeding and discipline you really can't budge on and you need her respect and compliance I that.. Also I. Your shoes im sure I'd feel the same,no one is as good as mom.
    Baby Girl "Piper" born Feb 12th, 2010. She is a true blessing!

    And a baby who is now an Angel in Heaven Feb 7th, 2008.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    381

    Default Re: How annoyed should I be?

    Depends on how important this issue is to you. You may have to choose your battles, because this is family. If it was Daycare and you were paying for it, you may be able to stipulate every request. Family is not as easy. The amount of cereal she consuming (i imagine) is small, and I doubt it would impact her desire/ability to drink EBM following it. Personally, if my MIL was feeding anything forbidden or doing something to jeopardize her safety or health I would bring it up. This would not be a worthwhile fight IMHO.
    Full time working Mom to 3, DH is my hero as a SAHD:
    DS July'09, nursed for 12 weeks
    DD1 & DD2 April'11, tandem nursed for 16 months

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    39

    Default Re: How annoyed should I be?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*toddlerandtwins View Post
    Depends on how important this issue is to you. You may have to choose your battles, because this is family. If it was Daycare and you were paying for it, you may be able to stipulate every request. Family is not as easy. The amount of cereal she consuming (i imagine) is small, and I doubt it would impact her desire/ability to drink EBM following it. Personally, if my MIL was feeding anything forbidden or doing something to jeopardize her safety or health I would bring it up. This would not be a worthwhile fight IMHO.
    I reluctantly agree. I say reluctant because this is an important lesson I have had to learn myself, when my MIL takes care of DS while I am away at work. My husband always says to me, "it's this or daycare, your choice." And for me the choice is MIL, who loves my son so very much, even if she doesn't always 100% follow all of my rules. I get snippy more often than I'm proud of, and have learned that if it's a minor issue, just to let it go because it is mentally exhausting being on edge about the little things. I agree with you though that it is also exhausting to constantly explain and enforce your parenting choices. Sometimes Ill walk in on MIL doing something I don't approve of, and I literally give her the wtf stare, grab my baby away from her without saying a word to her, storm off and not address her for the rest of the day. This actually has good results, and she does not repeat those behaviors. Because lord knows, explaining my rules, presenting her with logic does NOTHING. But I hate when I have to be a meanie.
    So my advice is as long as she's not feeding entire food groups you don't like or formula or gobs of cereal, just take a deep breath. As pp stated, pick your battles.
    Exclusively BF since 2/1/11 with no end in sight.
    THE greatest joy of my life.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    171

    Default Re: How annoyed should I be?

    Thank you for the advice! It is definitely helpful I'll have to think about it some more I guess, maybe talk to DH too. It is sensitive because it's family, and I don't want DH to feel like I'm bashing his mom, though I have made comments here & there that may have hinted to him that I'm irritated/confused by some of the stuff that she does. I will say something for sure if it happens again...don't really see us having a coffee date or "heart to heart" though. I just don't want to over react or get too nit-picky...haven't had a solid night's sleep in almost 7 months so I think I'm a little more on edge than I would normally be. Maybe a little over-protective too since she is our first baby. She is also the only grandchild so she's sort of the test-run for what boundaries we will need to set. I guess we'll figure it out as we go.

    Great advice though...it's always so helpful to be able to hear from other moms! Thank you
    DD, 7-2-2011, "Little Owl" nursed for 21 months

    DS, 10-10-2013, "Mr. Man" EBF and going strong

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    In Peace
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    2,923

    Default Re: How annoyed should I be?

    I wanted to say, I've BTDT and it only got worse. Is food something you really do care about? Food has become a huge issue for my DS. He has become extremely picky, will not eat veggies, only wants processed foods and grains. When your LO is bigger, will they be trying to feed her junk? Will they listen then? How is MILs diet? IMO, how MIL eats is how she will want to feed your LO. Will addressing this now and standing firm help you later? For me, this is made so much more difficult because I was alone in my way of thinking. DH didn't support me. Also, the ILs don't have healthy food in their house either. So when DS is there, there are no healthy options.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Boring ole Michigan
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    205

    Default Re: How annoyed should I be?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*juno View Post
    I wanted to say, I've BTDT and it only got worse. Is food something you really do care about? Food has become a huge issue for my DS. He has become extremely picky, will not eat veggies, only wants processed foods and grains. When your LO is bigger, will they be trying to feed her junk? Will they listen then? How is MILs diet? IMO, how MIL eats is how she will want to feed your LO. Will addressing this now and standing firm help you later? For me, this is made so much more difficult because I was alone in my way of thinking. DH didn't support me. Also, the ILs don't have healthy food in their house either. So when DS is there, there are no healthy options.
    I am in the same situation as the original poster (not with cereal but with other solids) and your response scares me for the future MIL is morbidly obese and does not eat well AT ALL. Greeeaatt.. It is only going to get worse.
    July 27 2011

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    36

    Default Re: How annoyed should I be?

    i would be mad too you are the mother. i am dealing with issues like this as well .

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