Nursing is not just about giving my baby milk. It's about mothering for me. And my baby won't let me mother her. I feel so sad that I can't comfort her by nursing. She puts herself to sleep with her thumb.
She started striking at 10 weeks, so we were just getting to the good part where she was really gazing into my eyes and mabe even smiling as she nursed.
I have to turn down offers for dinner out or visits to other ppl's homes because of this. Because she won't nurse in public and won't nurse when she's awake.
I could drag a bottle and my pump if it were to my SIL's house or a friend's house, but it's easier to just stay at home and put her to bed and then sneak in 15 minutes later and nurse her.
It does feel like my baby hates me in a way. And nursing my 1st baby was such a pleasure even with our problems, I feel lost not being able to nurse DD2 when she's awake and count her fingers outloud to her and looking into her eyes.
Of course I'm not quitting, but today, I'm just really sad that she hates nursing. And I feel like she doesn't need me. She will only accept me when she's unconscious. I spent so much time nursing my 1st baby and meeting her every need with my breasts that I don't know how to mother this baby. I don't know how to calm her or soothe her.
I'm just praying so hard this turns around. That one day she will wake up and forget about the pain.
I wonder how long until a baby just completely forgets?? If I never offered when she was alert, would she eventually forget she hates it? She won't even stay in the sling for long. She fusses unless she's facing out.