Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12

Thread: Feeling sad but still not giving up

  1. #1

    Default Feeling sad but still not giving up

    Nursing is not just about giving my baby milk. It's about mothering for me. And my baby won't let me mother her. I feel so sad that I can't comfort her by nursing. She puts herself to sleep with her thumb.

    She started striking at 10 weeks, so we were just getting to the good part where she was really gazing into my eyes and mabe even smiling as she nursed.

    I have to turn down offers for dinner out or visits to other ppl's homes because of this. Because she won't nurse in public and won't nurse when she's awake.

    I could drag a bottle and my pump if it were to my SIL's house or a friend's house, but it's easier to just stay at home and put her to bed and then sneak in 15 minutes later and nurse her.

    It does feel like my baby hates me in a way. And nursing my 1st baby was such a pleasure even with our problems, I feel lost not being able to nurse DD2 when she's awake and count her fingers outloud to her and looking into her eyes.

    Of course I'm not quitting, but today, I'm just really sad that she hates nursing. And I feel like she doesn't need me. She will only accept me when she's unconscious. I spent so much time nursing my 1st baby and meeting her every need with my breasts that I don't know how to mother this baby. I don't know how to calm her or soothe her.

    I'm just praying so hard this turns around. That one day she will wake up and forget about the pain.

    I wonder how long until a baby just completely forgets?? If I never offered when she was alert, would she eventually forget she hates it? She won't even stay in the sling for long. She fusses unless she's facing out.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    98

    Default Re: Feeling sad but still not giving up

    Believe me, I DO know how you feel, my nursing experience is kind of better and worse with this baby! With my 1st, she refused completely and would only nurse at night from 10 weeks to almost 6 months, but after 7 months things were great and she nursed till 2 days after my 2nd baby was born. My 1st would never nurse for comfort or for more than 5 mins until she was past 7 months, but after 7 months, she loved nursing. I am quite confident that if you persevere and don't be tempted to use the little too much, she will enjoy nursing again,but it will take a while. I too cannot go out anywhere and feel really guilty because of my 2 year old. I hate what we are going through and I cry every day as she gags, chokes and screams whilst I try and nurse her, as all she wants is to feed easily and get comfort at my breast. She looks at me as if I am trying to kill her! So you are not alone and my thoughts are with you! Read http://overactiveletdown.com/documen...fectsOfOAM.pdf

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: Feeling sad but still not giving up

    Mama, I know how you feel. I cannot nurse my fourth child. He was born unable to nurse. I struggled so hard to find a way, but it was impossible.

    It is possible to mother without breastfeeding directly. It is harder, much harder, but you find a way.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,469

    Default Re: Feeling sad but still not giving up

    I don't want you to feel sad. She isn't rejecting YOU. She is rejecting something that she has somehow associated with pain. It WILL pass Mama. It's just a strike. A long strike and she is self soothing with her thumb. But she will come back to you eventually. Please don't feel to rejected. You are still sustaining your child. Still doing the hard work to keep her nourished. Keep at it Mama.

    Way too lazy for formula

  5. #5

    Default Re: Feeling sad but still not giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jah73 View Post
    but after 7 months things were great and she nursed till 2 days after my 2nd baby was born.
    Oh this makes me so hopeful. I can do this for 3 more months. What's 3 months?? Nothing!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jah73 View Post
    don't be tempted to use the little too much
    bottle? She only gets it MAYBE once a day. And she doesn't take much from it. Is it flow preference you'd be concerned about?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jah73 View Post
    I too cannot go out anywhere and feel really guilty because of my 2 year old.
    My poor toddler. She breaks my heart when I put her to bed at night and she's whimpering "mama, mama", because I haven't been able to spend enough time with her. I pray she doesn't build up resentment for the baby.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Feeling sad but still not giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*aprilsmagic View Post
    Mama, I know how you feel. I cannot nurse my fourth child. He was born unable to nurse. I struggled so hard to find a way, but it was impossible.
    This helps put into perspective what I'm going through. Thanks. My baby "can" nurse. I'm so thankful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: Feeling sad but still not giving up

    Keep the fact that she CAN in your mind. She might not want to as much as you think she should, but as long as she is doing well, it is Ok. And she might come back to it. You never know.

    But it is like a knife in your heart every time they won't. I tried so hard that post-op, when he might have been able to, he refused.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  8. #8

    Default Re: Feeling sad but still not giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    I don't want you to feel sad. She isn't rejecting YOU. She is rejecting something that she has somehow associated with pain. It WILL pass Mama. It's just a strike. A long strike and she is self soothing with her thumb. But she will come back to you eventually. Please don't feel to rejected. You are still sustaining your child. Still doing the hard work to keep her nourished. Keep at it Mama.
    I'm trying. I'm feeling better this evening. Thank you. The weekend is coming and Daddy will be home to help. That always helps me breathe a sigh of relief.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    98

    Thumbs up Re: Feeling sad but still not giving up

    Did you read the link I posted? Everything it says is what happened for me with my 1st child and 2nd is following a similar pattern. I Know that a lot of what it says is true with OS/OALD so I follow what it says re bottles and pacifiers. At the end of the day, if a baby finds breastfeeding difficult and is scared of choking coz of the flow and then finds a different way of feeding that is easier and not so scary,could you blame them for preferring it? Obviously if refusal is causing health issues for the baby then you have to find other methods to feed them,starving a baby into breastfeeding is not an option,all I'm saying is doing it too often, if they could actually get enough milk at the breast(even if at the moment it is only when sleeping), then it could case them to have a lasting preference for the bottle. I said that my 1st child started nursing well at 7 months, I know that it seems like a eternity right now, I have been wishing the days away for the last 12 weeks withmy 2nd. We are now at 22 weeks, my 1st child showed slight improvement at 24 weeks and a bit more at 26 weeks when we started solids, so i'mkeeping everything X. If my theory is right, I should see some improvement soon and you are not far behind! It really is soul destroying but just remember that you are doing the best for your baby and what you have both gone through will make your bond even stronger. This is a very short period of you, your toddlers and your baby's life, so do what you need to do and you will all soon forget about what a nightmare it was! You say your baby latched on but you don't think she got milk, so came off, maybe you could just hand express until there is milk there and then put her near your boob or do breast compressions as soon as she latches. However, I think that her latching awake sounds like progress! Maybe you could keep a record of all the positive steps and hopefully if you look back at it at the end of each week, you will see (although prob slow) at least some progress.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Feeling sad but still not giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jah73 View Post
    Did you read the link I posted?
    I'm working on it. It's a looooong article. I haven't even gotten to the part about bottles and pacifiers. :/

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jah73 View Post
    I think that her latching awake sounds like progress!
    She latches so seldom I'm never prepared. I was thinking keeping a syring of milk on hand when I sit down with her would be a good idea.

    edited to fix my quoting goof

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •