I can completely relate to you. I too feel robbed of the birth and mothering experience I wanted and there's no way around it. I've been struggling with low supply for the past 8 weeks and just this week have started to feel like EBF just isn't going to happen. My husband and I have decided to give it 2 more weeks and the reassess.
I would try the following in addition to what you are doing:
- have your prolactin and thyroid levels checked
- look into domperidone
- read the 'Making More Milk' book
And if you need to move on, do so. I know how hard it is. I know what its like to sit and cry instead of enjoying the joys of mothering your new baby. I know what its like to see other moms breastfeed their babies and know you can't give that to your child. I know what its like to replay your birth experience in your head and try to figure out what you could have done better, wonder what you did to deserve this. But its not all there is, even if it feels like it.
I wish you the best of luck in resolving this in whatever way you are comfortable with! You're in my thoughts!