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Thread: Nursing past 1 yr, DH not understanding

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
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    Default Nursing past 1 yr, DH not understanding

    Hi,

    So before I knew anything about breastfeeding, my DH had asked how long I was going to nurse our DS. In hindsight, I really didnt know anything about breastfeeding except for things I had heard...couldn't even tell you where. But it seemed that nursing your baby until they're one was the magical number. So that's what I told DH.

    AS of now, there is no end in sight for my DS. And I'm thrilled about that
    He nurses like a newborn right now and has been for a couple months.
    I've tried to explain to DH the benefits of extended breastfeeding & that I didn't know what nursing was going to be like and that I had given him an uneducated answer, but I've learned a lot now..and I plan for DS to self-wean. I've explained that it's a gradual process.
    He seems to still want an age as to when that will be. He's very much the conservative type so I think his main concern is what family/friends will think/say as I continue to nurse our "walking" baby. In his words..."he's getting too old for that".
    (NIP took a few times for him to get used to but I do it all the time now)

    I guess my question is...has anyone else dealt with this?
    Or does anyone have some advice on how to better discuss this with DH?

    TIA!
    Mercedes

    1st time mommy to lil D 2/19/11

    LOVE

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Nursing past 1 yr, DH not understand

    Is he at all convinced by medical facts or science or is he mostly just concerned with what his friends think? Would he read and consider the facts and benefits to his child coming from an " authority" like the WHO or different peds
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Nursing past 1 yr, DH not understand

    I'm thinking maybe he might need more facts/science to POSSIBLY convince him. Maybe I could print/email him links from WHO. I do have a feeling though that it's mostly being concerned about what others wiil say.
    The other night he also asked about how long DS is going to need me @ night for sleeping etc. DS wakes approx every two hours to nurse.(.but we bed share so I'm ok with that right now).
    Mercedes

    1st time mommy to lil D 2/19/11

    LOVE

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    20,637

    Default Re: Nursing past 1 yr, DH not understand

    Okay, if it's science that's going to convince him, here are some useful links:
    - AAP Policy Statement on Breastfeeding and the Use of Human Milk- http://aappolicy.aappublications.org...rics;115/2/496. Especially note the following: "Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother, especially in delaying return of fertility (thereby promoting optimal intervals between births). There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer."
    - When to Wean by Katherine Dettwyler- http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...6/ai_20135603/
    - WHO link mentioning the "two years or beyond" standard- http://www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/en/

    I would push him on the opinion thing- why does he care what other people might think/say, and why would that be more important to him than the health and parenting benefits that would accrue to you and your alo from extended nursing? I think it would be hard for a man to say "Yes, I care more what my mommy thinks, or what some random stranger thinks, than I care about standing up for my wife and child".
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Nursing past 1 yr, DH not understand

    There are a bunch of old threads around here like this, in fact I think I probably started one myself at one point. I would bring up the science and information that the other ladies gave you if you feel like you need to convince him. Or you could just do what I did - keep on nursing and let the subject drop. I can't tell if you are asking him when he thinks you should wean or if he's bringing it up. If you're asking him what his opinion is, then I would stop bringing it up.

    I think it's weird when men try to hold you to something you said before your child was even born. My husband tried to bully me into doing CIO by using the fact that I used to think it was weird that people had their babies in their beds with them. With the second child, he doesn't even ask me questions like - when is she going to sleep on her own, when are you going to stop nursing her at night, when are you going to stop nursing, blah blah blah.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Nursing past 1 yr, DH not understand

    Honestly, I just don't see how it's any of his business. Okay, I get how it is. But it's not like you are asking him to do anything different. If anything, you are relieving him of a lot of parenting duties by continuing to nurse. How you bond and care for your child is very personal. When my husband says things like he's not comfortable with me going much past 2 my response is always "well then it's a good thing you're not his mother".
    If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. - Katharine Hepburn

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Nursing past 1 yr, DH not understand

    I am going to bump a classic old thread. Tons of great talk in there on this subject.

    Way too lazy for formula

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Nursing past 1 yr, DH not understand

    I was in the same boat as you, I said 1yr initially b/c I didn't know how it would be. Well when 1 yr came and there was no sign of stopping soon he started asking. My solution was to just say "sometime, don't worry about it, i have it under control thank you" and change the subject. I agree with the suggestion to keep nursing and drop the subject. Unless he is very persistent about it, and I don't think most guys would be, it shouldn't be a problem when he sees how well your LO is doing. I think if he starts getting into the really persistent controlling category of constantly bringing it up you'd need to have a talk with him. Stand your ground, and that doesn't mean make it into an argument. There is no argument b/c you've already decided and you can always put it in those terms.
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
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  9. #9
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    Default Re: Nursing past 1 yr, DH not understand

    kind of a ramble but this reminds me of when someone mentioned that all men are lactivists at 2am! I hope he reads the science and stands up for what is best for his child, but he should know that the alternative is inferior and requires 100% more middle of the night parenting from him!!!
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Nursing past 1 yr, DH not understand

    I too think it's weird when men think this is some of their business. I mean I don't micromanage their relationship with the kids. Sounds so absurdly controlling to me.

    I would also drop it, but if it continued to be brought up, I would say don't worry I promise to wean before he goes to college, I was thinking sometime before his 21st birthday so I don't have to go out with him for his first drink? lol haha

    Yeah my husband always reminds me I'm a smart &&&. lol But, really....I grew up I guess in a time where mamma knew best for baby, and daddy just went to work and took mamma's word for it that she was doing what was best for the kids. I don't understand this new generation I guess where men think they have some sort of say of how a mother, mothers her child...I mean as long as it's not abusive, I just don't get it.

    Thankfully I didn't marry a man who gives a hoot what others think...cause he would be hiding a lot, probably become a recluse married to me cause he would be constantly embarrassed! lol haha

    ~Heather~
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    Vincent since 2001
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    ~Donavon & Jeremy~ 2009
    Belle 2010 Nursed over a year
    Raphael 2011 Nursing like a champ
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