This is really common. If she is open to it, show your mom the suggestions here for bonding without bottles:
http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...t_partners.pdf
You are not denying your mom anything. My husband never gave either of my sons bottles except after several months and then only on rare occasions and they managed to bond wonderfully, bottles really are totally unnecessary for bonding.
FYI you should be able to attend LLL meetings and call Leaders for support without actually becoming a member of the Group. Paid memberships & donations are how we pay for our Group activities but the vast majority of moms who come to my meetings or call me never become members or donate, it's fine, we are a not for profit and our services are supposed to be free. Some areas/countries the local LLL may have different rules(?) but this is the way it is in most if not all of the USA as far as I know.
This is so hard, because of course he is tired too. A few suggestions: Use disposable paper plates/cups etc. temporarily. You are helping the environment so much by breastfeeding you have a pass green wise, as far as I am concerned. Fill the sink with sudsy water and put dirty pans and stuff in there so it will be almost soaked clean by the time your husband comes home. Have your mom buy some inexpensive big baskets or bins that can be on the floor that your older kids can reach easily and get them to help picking up toys and tossing lose toys into the bins, make it a game. Biggish heavy bins may help discourage your kids from the fun of dumping the bins out again. Perhaps your husband is upset with the state of the house because he feels an added responsibility to keep it clean because it is your parents house. If that is the case, maybe enlist your mom & dad in reassuring him that everyone understands that this is a temporary situation and a little extra mess is not bothering your parents.
A carrier may help a lot and a routine will definitely come, but rest assured that the "no routine" kind of constant haphazard feeding that your baby is doing is entirely NORMAL. No matter how they are fed, babies only eat on a routine when that is imposed on them, it is not biologically normal for any baby to eat on a scedule a specific amount every such and such hours. In the months to come, if you continue to cue feed, your baby will naturally eat more per feeding and lengthen the times between feedings, she will eventually start sleeping/napping on a more recognizable routine, all on her own and in her own time.
If/when a bottle becomes something you want to do, here are some great tips for bottlefeeding the breastfed baby:
http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...astfedbaby.pdf
And this may help bolster your resolve and could be something to share with your family:
http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...tgoodsense.pdf