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Thread: Support needed :(

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    278

    Default Re: Support needed :(

    I went through that with my mil. She feels like in order to take care of my baby she has to feed him and if she can't feed him she doesnt want to watch him. Well oh well. That's not the only way to bond with a baby. Stand your ground. I didn't breastfeed my first two and I was determined to breastfeed and we are at six months and going strong.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    I am Kate
    Wife to Jason
    Mom to Aubrey 4/06 queen
    Mom to Nathan 5/08 Relactated for him and he got EBM for a year
    Mom to Jack 8/11

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Miami, Fl
    Posts
    268

    Default Re: Support needed :(

    I had the same problem with my previous son who is now 29 months and I bf for 21 months! The important thing is to stand your ground and educate those around you. I had such a hard time with my family and SO that the only thing that kept me going was the support groups in my area. Try to find if there are any near you and attend, they really are very good. I now have a 12 week old baby and I am back at work. This time I spoke with my mom (which was not supportive at all last time) and she actually came to my house everyday to help me: cleaned my house, laundry, and cook,; as well as took my son daycare. I also had a a talk with my SO and made him understand that BABY had priority over EVERYONE and EVERYTHING else in the house and my life. He doesn't complain anymore about the mess in the house, which is now minimal as my mom still comes over to help me out on my days off (a true blessing) and he actually cleans after himself and helps me with our toddler son more.
    Working mommy to Cat, Nikki, Brandon and baby Lucas
    exclusively for the second time!
    we made it 21 months with previous son and 9 months and counting with Lucas

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    West Salem, Ohio
    Posts
    176

    Default Re: Support needed :(

    I want to thank everyone for your advice and support. I never realized how difficult it can be to breastfeed. I'm trying to find a local LLL group to join.

    My mom's reason for wanting to give Elivia a bottle is so that she and others can bond with her. I've decided not to give in to her wants, I do have two bottle pumped but those are for an emergency or if I need to go somewhere without her. On those days my mom is the one who would be watching her anyhow. I find it uncomfortable to pump and then I'm left sore.

    We live with my parents so I do get a lot of help from both my mom and dad with cleaning and cooking; I think that is part of why I feel guilty about not letting my mom give her a bottle occasionally. But I really want to experience an exclusive breastfed relationship with my baby. My husband gets aggravated when coming home to toys scattered through the house and lunch dishes that are still out. He will clean them but does so with a bit of an attitude.

    There has been so many other things going on for everybody that it has been very hectic. I'm hoping things will fall into place soon. I'm waiting for a baby carrier I ordered so that (hopefully) I can put her in and keep her with me all day without having to use my hands to hold her so I can try to get into a routine during the day.

    I want to thank everyone again for all the support it has been refreshing. I'm really hoping to find an LLL group that I can meet with where I can bring my older babies.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    24

    Default Re: Support needed :(

    I'm in week 12 of BF for first time. While I haven't faced a lack of support, I would suggest getting the LLL book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I have vowed to have all my prego friends read the first few pages of Ch 1 because there are so many benefits to breastfeeding that I had no clue about! I honestly think if you have hubby/mom read it, they'll understand why it is so important to baby and you. Now is not the time to be selfish and worry about the house - you'll have time for that soon enough!

    And if that doesn't work, tell them too bad, the house will be messy because you love your baby more than material crap!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Milwaukee
    Posts
    49

    Default Re: Support needed :(

    You Are NOT alone! So I hope you feel a little better just knowing that! Bfing is like a job in itself!! And until you do it yourself, you just don't understand it! And allow some ppl are great at supporting bfing without ever having done it (like my dad... Actually really weird, but okay!), the best supporters are those who went through the struggle themselves! Although no one around you has, you cafind those that have. I find that this forum is very helpful! It has a lot of seasoned moms that are great at giving advice, as well as a lot of new moms that you can kinda rant etc to to get it off your chest and to know you are not alone!
    I for one can't even believe the number of moms who breastfeed after the pain it causes in your nipples in the beginning! My goodness it is excruciating! So good job!!!
    I have not swept or mopped my floor in probably 4 or 5 weeks---gross hey?! But caring for an infant is hard... Much less any other children on top of that!! Even in the beginning I found myself not eating enough because I got to the point I was so tired and I chose sleeping instead of eating. I'm still exhausted! (but eating well now).
    You have SO much to do! Please sit down with your husband and have a talk with him!!!
    I found my boyfriend getting annoyed and I had to talk to him about it! You should not be the
    only person working so hard for this new addition to this family... It's a team effort!
    Can't stop smiling because my lil Miguel is just so amazing! Since 1/29/12 my heart is no longer my own!

  6. #16

    Default Re: Support needed :(

    My mom's reason for wanting to give Elivia a bottle is so that she and others can bond with her.
    This is really common. If she is open to it, show your mom the suggestions here for bonding without bottles: http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...t_partners.pdf

    You are not denying your mom anything. My husband never gave either of my sons bottles except after several months and then only on rare occasions and they managed to bond wonderfully, bottles really are totally unnecessary for bonding.

    I'm trying to find a local LLL group to join.
    FYI you should be able to attend LLL meetings and call Leaders for support without actually becoming a member of the Group. Paid memberships & donations are how we pay for our Group activities but the vast majority of moms who come to my meetings or call me never become members or donate, it's fine, we are a not for profit and our services are supposed to be free. Some areas/countries the local LLL may have different rules(?) but this is the way it is in most if not all of the USA as far as I know.

    My husband gets aggravated when coming home to toys scattered through the house and lunch dishes that are still out. He will clean them but does so with a bit of an attitude.
    This is so hard, because of course he is tired too. A few suggestions: Use disposable paper plates/cups etc. temporarily. You are helping the environment so much by breastfeeding you have a pass green wise, as far as I am concerned. Fill the sink with sudsy water and put dirty pans and stuff in there so it will be almost soaked clean by the time your husband comes home. Have your mom buy some inexpensive big baskets or bins that can be on the floor that your older kids can reach easily and get them to help picking up toys and tossing lose toys into the bins, make it a game. Biggish heavy bins may help discourage your kids from the fun of dumping the bins out again. Perhaps your husband is upset with the state of the house because he feels an added responsibility to keep it clean because it is your parents house. If that is the case, maybe enlist your mom & dad in reassuring him that everyone understands that this is a temporary situation and a little extra mess is not bothering your parents.

    A carrier may help a lot and a routine will definitely come, but rest assured that the "no routine" kind of constant haphazard feeding that your baby is doing is entirely NORMAL. No matter how they are fed, babies only eat on a routine when that is imposed on them, it is not biologically normal for any baby to eat on a scedule a specific amount every such and such hours. In the months to come, if you continue to cue feed, your baby will naturally eat more per feeding and lengthen the times between feedings, she will eventually start sleeping/napping on a more recognizable routine, all on her own and in her own time.

    If/when a bottle becomes something you want to do, here are some great tips for bottlefeeding the breastfed baby: http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...astfedbaby.pdf

    And this may help bolster your resolve and could be something to share with your family: http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...tgoodsense.pdf

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Milwaukee
    Posts
    49

    Default Re: Support needed :(

    excellent advice!!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lllmeg View Post
    This is really common. If she is open to it, show your mom the suggestions here for bonding without bottles: http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...t_partners.pdf

    You are not denying your mom anything. My husband never gave either of my sons bottles except after several months and then only on rare occasions and they managed to bond wonderfully, bottles really are totally unnecessary for bonding.


    FYI you should be able to attend LLL meetings and call Leaders for support without actually becoming a member of the Group. Paid memberships & donations are how we pay for our Group activities but the vast majority of moms who come to my meetings or call me never become members or donate, it's fine, we are a not for profit and our services are supposed to be free. Some areas/countries the local LLL may have different rules(?) but this is the way it is in most if not all of the USA as far as I know.


    This is so hard, because of course he is tired too. A few suggestions: Use disposable paper plates/cups etc. temporarily. You are helping the environment so much by breastfeeding you have a pass green wise, as far as I am concerned. Fill the sink with sudsy water and put dirty pans and stuff in there so it will be almost soaked clean by the time your husband comes home. Have your mom buy some inexpensive big baskets or bins that can be on the floor that your older kids can reach easily and get them to help picking up toys and tossing lose toys into the bins, make it a game. Biggish heavy bins may help discourage your kids from the fun of dumping the bins out again. Perhaps your husband is upset with the state of the house because he feels an added responsibility to keep it clean because it is your parents house. If that is the case, maybe enlist your mom & dad in reassuring him that everyone understands that this is a temporary situation and a little extra mess is not bothering your parents.

    A carrier may help a lot and a routine will definitely come, but rest assured that the "no routine" kind of constant haphazard feeding that your baby is doing is entirely NORMAL. No matter how they are fed, babies only eat on a routine when that is imposed on them, it is not biologically normal for any baby to eat on a scedule a specific amount every such and such hours. In the months to come, if you continue to cue feed, your baby will naturally eat more per feeding and lengthen the times between feedings, she will eventually start sleeping/napping on a more recognizable routine, all on her own and in her own time.

    If/when a bottle becomes something you want to do, here are some great tips for bottlefeeding the breastfed baby: http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...astfedbaby.pdf

    And this may help bolster your resolve and could be something to share with your family: http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...tgoodsense.pdf
    Can't stop smiling because my lil Miguel is just so amazing! Since 1/29/12 my heart is no longer my own!

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Middle of nowhere in Ohio
    Posts
    121

    Default Re: Support needed :(

    I want to add something.. ask your husband if you made the baby by yourself. The answer is obviously "No". So then you went through the pregnancy, birthing and now are caring for a high demand infant 24/7 no breaks! Is it really too much to ask that he pitch in.. really??
    Passed my CLC exam!

    Mother of 3: 12-25-04 12-3-07 1-13-2011

  9. #19

    Default Re: Support needed :(

    Well I was up half the night with an awful cough so I was thinking about you, sugarfoot. Yes, I guess I should get a life lol. Anyway,

    First I want to reassure you that breatfeeding IS often harder than bottle feeding-at first. But then it gets easier. It gets easier and easier until it is much easier than bottle feeding. Bottlefeeding stays the same amount of work forever, but in the normal course of things, for many many moms, breastfeeding becomes second nature and becomes so easy.

    Also, I wonder if you are having a different experience this time because you have TWO active kids to take care of as well. Before when you had newborns, first you had only the 1 baby to care for, and then 1 baby and one very young toddler. Now you have two pre-schoolers who, while perhaps are more verbal and helpful & slightly less demanding in some ways than a toddler, are not quite at the age yet where they can be REALLY helpful or entertain themselves for long. Plus I would think the amount of constant activity, toy strewing and meal prep time is likely way up with TWO bigger kids. I know that about the time my boys hit ages about 5 & 3, I gave up on the house ever being as neat as I liked it and just prayed I could keep them fed and watered and not killing each other day in and day out. And I did not even have a new baby!

    I guess I am saying its possible some of the difficulties of these early days are due not entirely to breastfeeding your newborn but to the fact you have more and bigger (but still very young) kids to care for than you did during your previous newborn periods.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    West Salem, Ohio
    Posts
    176

    Default Re: Support needed :(

    Thank you again for the encouragement. Many people around me act as if it shouldn't be hard to take care of all three of them, or that if I had a schedule everything would be easier. When I had my second I was able to take naps with the two of them only being a year apart. Now it feels like I'm up half the night and then I have to stay up all day. But I do find breastfeeding so much better for the night feedings, we only get up when she is ready to be awake

    I finally got my Moby Wrap this Monday, and while I'm still working on figuring out how to wrap it well, it has been wonderful. I can put her in and go around and get stuff done and as soon as the weather warms up I can't wait to start taking the girls for walks. Breastfeeding is still sometimes painful, but I feel as if I'm falling into a better rhythm for the most part. I'm enjoying it though, there are times where she will smile as me while she's eating, it makes the pain forgettable. Making dinner and getting enough rest are my problem areas still...

    I have to admit that as guilty as I feel at times with my mom, there are other times where it makes me feel good when she smiles and talks to me but then turns around and gets the biggest frown when my mom trys to hold and talk to her. Then I feel guilty about that too

    I had never given breastfeeding any real thought. I tried with my first two because that's what you're supposed to do, but when they didn't latch at the hospital I went to bottles without a second thought, pumped for a little bit but didn't like the time it took away from my girls and everything else so it didn't last long. When I hit the end of this pregnancy I went and got a thing of formula and bottles so that I would have them when she wouldn't latch. But then she latched and everything changed I wanted to feed her and be the very center of her world. And as uncomfortable as I am at the moment with the idea of nursing her beyond infancy, I don't know if I will change my mind, I'm hoping and praying that I will be willing to continue until she weans on her own. But I figure I have plenty of time.

    Well she's waking up and will want to eat and talk soon so I will say goodnight to all. It's been great talking to everyone.
    G'night!

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