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Thread: can't shower - need advice

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    199

    Default can't shower - need advice

    DS has been slowly getting more and more anxious when I leave him - even just to go in another room. He walks after me, and often hangs on my legs. I carry him around a lot. He was pretty clingy when he was an infant, but got more independent for about 4 months, and is now back to clingy. The problem is, that now I can't even take a shower without him standing in front of the glass door screaming the ENTIRE time I am taking a shower. The cries have been getting more and more frantic and today he did the whole stop breathing thing. I opened the door, took off his clothes and diaper and he took a shower with me. The problem is that I can't really clean myself well with one hand and he wouldn't let me put him down (I think partly because he was still upset about being left outside). I don't know what to do. I can't always take a shower when my husband is here and I can't take a shower one armed - it just doesn't work well. There are a couple options I have been thinking of, but let me know if you have any suggestions. Let him cry (even though it breaks my heart and he seems truly frantic by the end of my shower), open the door and put towels down and just let him crawl in and out of the shower with just his diaper on, or take a shower in our other bathroom that is a tub/shower where we usually give him baths and let him sit in the tub and play with toys while I take a shower. I worry about having him in the shower too often, though, because he gets pretty dry. I also don't want to create a habit because actually taking a shower is one of the only times when I am home that I get some "me time." I know it is a phase and he will grow out of it. I want to make it as harmless for both of us as possible, without making him more needy (I don't know if that is even possible ). Thanks in advance for any advice you have to give.
    Please excuse my typos, I am always NAK.

    DS since 1/30/11

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    2,944

    Default Re: can't shower - need advice

    I'd probably just let him come in with me. I always had to do that with DD and we still shower together. I only get to shower alone on occasion. I didn't actually wash her though. She just sits there and plays and she's occupied with her toys so it's still kinda like a break.
    Proud mom of 2:
    DD 5/2008 nursed for 3 years and 3 months.
    DS born 8/2011 nursing like a champ

    Sorry for the short responses...always, always, always NAK or holding a baby

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Southern NM
    Posts
    712

    Default Re: can't shower - need advice

    If your bathroom can handle it, I would do the second suggestion--leave the door open and let him crawl in and out. It is still your shower; you are just cutting out the barrier between you and your LO. They do go through phases so just because your LO is doing it now does not me it will last forever. At the same time you may want to more clearly define you time when your DH is home. My husband is a great guy and and awesome father but I still have to specifically tell him, "I am going to take a bath now. Please watch after the kiddos so I don't get interrupted."
    I am Erin--happily married to the nerd of my dreams for 15 years
    High School Science Teacher
    Mother to: Thing 1 9/23/01, bf 15 mo, diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma 1/29/02, officially cancer free for ten years in August 2012
    Thing 2 6/6/05, bf 12 mo, obsessed with dynamite
    Glowworm 2/18/11, bf 15 months and counting

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: can't shower - need advice

    I shower all the time with a baby on me and a toddler standing with me. You can also get a water sling so you have both hands.My third kid was so traumatized by me going into the shower that I started showering in the guest bathroom, where he could play in the tub while I showered.

    When I want to shave, I shower at night when DH can watch the baby.

    If you fight the neediness, it gets worse. If you roll with it, it seems to pass faster IME.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    239

    Default Re: can't shower - need advice

    I wanted to second the water sling idea. As a newborn, DS always got upset before I finished a shower. DH has little tolerance for trying to settle a newborn who wants his mama. I used a water sling to get showers on a reasonable schedule. I used baby shampoo, and just washed us both at the same time. It doesn't work as well as real shampoo, and you'll probably have the delightful experience of being pooped on in your bath, but at least you get a shower.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    199

    Default Re: can't shower - need advice

    Thank you everyone for your advice. I think I will try going in our other bathroom and taking a shower in the bathtub so that DS can play with his toys. If that doesn't work, I will have to look into the sling thing, or go against DH's wishes and keep the shower door open so baby boy can go in and out. All day today, DS has gotten upset when I leave, and even when I take him with me, it takes a bit for him to calm down and play on his own when we get back into the main living area of the house. I don't know what I would do if I had two little kids to have to think about. Those of you with multiple children are amazing.
    Please excuse my typos, I am always NAK.

    DS since 1/30/11

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    278

    Default Re: can't shower - need advice

    I like the suggestions and agree that letting him cry would probably make him more clingy. I think it's the age, because my son, who is a very sensitive baby, seems more clingy even than usual lately. He is 13 months. His trigger is dinner time when I have cooking and stuff to do. He's also tired and wanting to go to bed at that time. My older kids do their best to distract him but he keeps toddling into the kitchen and hanging on me while I'm trying to cook, whining "mama" no matter what I do. He does get pretty upset that I can't pick him up. I am planning on just putting him in his Beco Butterfly on my back to see if that works. I'm hoping it's a short phase, lol!
    Mama to five beautiful kids- 9, 8, 3, 2 and currently nursing our new baby girl born 1/20/2013


    "It should not be necessary to tell reasonably intelligent mammals to suckle and not dismember their neonates." ~Susan Blustein

  8. #8

    Default Re: can't shower - need advice

    Sigh, I don't really have any suggestions you have gotten lots of good ones already, this just brings back memories, I could not take a morning shower for years, it seemed, as daddy had to be home or else neither I nor my kids could relax at that time. At first it drove me crazy but then I just got into the habit of nightime showers.

    It helped me to think of how long I it will be until my kids are grown and how short the time of intense neediness is compared to that. Now my kids are 8 & 5 and I can take leisurely showers any time I want and only worry there will be some battle with casualties while I am in there.

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