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Thread: Nursing mom juggling toddler and newborn

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    81

    Default Nursing mom juggling toddler and newborn

    I have a 2and a half year old boy and now a 5 week old baby. I feel like I am constantly nursing (1 h per nursing session) and taking care of DS2 (who will only be content in my arms) and I'm pretty sure my toddler resents me for that. He's acting out all the time, constantly crying and throwing things. We had an amazing relationship but I feel like we're not connecting anymore. When I try to spend a little more time with him I'm also constatnly worried about the baby, since he is normally crying if someone else is holding him. Plus I have sore nipples and latching pain and have a hard time when my toddler is around while I nurse, since he ll be jumping on the bed or trying to lean on baby... How do you deal with this? What's your experience?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,598

    Default Re: Nursing mom juggling toddler and new

    It's normal, mama. When my second daughter was born, I saw the same types of behaviors in my 4 year-old, and we went through the same transition in our relationship. Do you have help available to you? It might really be good for everyone if you have a babysitter or family member who can pay some individual attention to your toddler while you focus on what you most need to do right now: get nursing off to a good start. Once the baby is nursing well, and is a little older and a little less needy, everything will get easier and better. I promise!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Midland texas
    Posts
    32

    Default Re: Nursing mom juggling toddler and new

    Yeah I agree, this is a hard time fir ds1 my ds was almost 3 when ds2 was born, he threw a lot of fits and acted out a lot, it was terrible 3's not 2's for us! But my hubby was able to help a lot by creating "boys night" where the two of them would just go build joy together so he could handle the transition a bit better. Now with my five wk old I have an almost 2 yr old, he is handling it pretty well, although he has his moments, he seems more mad at me than agressive toward baby, but again daddy time helps! It is hard to sit in the back seat and let daddy be #1 for a while but it's best for him and for dd #3. when you can involve him while you have baby, let him kiss baby's head, hand you diapers, give baths, get him involved... If he likes to be outside... and you are going crazy inside... Wrap up the baby and get him outdoors and distracted. I know it's hard getting out with a new born but that's what I had to do to keep from going INSANE when ds #2 was born. Mine honestly watched way too much Thomas the Train in those early weeks, just do what it takes to make through, you can always work harder on stuff layer, relax, remember this will not last forever, and he needs a lot of joy to get through the transition to not being the baby anymore.
    Mirembe,

    Happily married to DH since 6-11-05
    Mother to DS1,
    born 3-5-07
    bw 6lbs 2 oz
    and DS2,
    born 2-28-10
    bw 6lbs 2 oz
    DD #3 ,
    Born 12-21-2011
    Bw 7lbs 7 oz


    and new to lll and loving it!

  4. #4

    Default Re: Nursing mom juggling toddler and new

    Speaking as someone who is exactly two years older than a younger sister, and still vividly remembers my sister arriving and rocking my world, and as a mom of two boys about 2.5 years apart, here is my take-

    I think a new baby is just going to be hard on the older kid, especially if they are young (under 5) and still 'babies' themselves in may ways. It has nothing to do with breastfeeding neccesarily, it's just the way it is. Their position has been usurped and that hurts. I forget where I read this, but someone likend the introduction of a new sibling to a husband coming in one day and saying to his wife "Here is So and so, my new wife. She is going to live here with us and I will love both of you exactly the same."

    The flip side is, when your kids are a bit older, it's really hard on the younger kid who is left behind or dragged around when the older kid has playdates, activities, school etc. Also younger sib has frustration when the older sibling is also able to do many things so much better than he can. Basically, having siblings is an early lesson in "life is not fair."

    As a mom, here is what I did to try to help myself and my older son during this time:

    Tried to make sure there was cuddle time even when I was nursing baby. Moms have two arms for a reason.

    Gave older son jobs & errands- had diapers and burp cloths where he could reach them, that kind of thing.

    Explained to my son that baby was very delicate and (in language he could understand) why. Asked him to watch me and make sure I was being gentle enough with the baby, and to let me know if I was not.

    Handed baby over to dad once a day so I could spend a little one on one with number one son.

    Had a rotation of books, games, quiet toys etc. that I could do one-handed with my son.

    Talked and sang with my older son when I did not have any hands free.

    Temporarily loosened my very strict restrictions on media as needed.

    Let go of my guilt. The fact is a baby needs more hands on attention than a two year old and that's life.

    Lots and lots of articles about babies & siblings. Some should be relevent- http://www.llli.org/nb/nbsiblings.html
    Last edited by @llli*lllmeg; January 22nd, 2012 at 08:55 PM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    381

    Default Re: Nursing mom juggling toddler and new

    If your DS2 wants to be near you all the time, why not wear him? Then you can spend some time with your toddler, playing games or reading. Both will be happy and your toddler will probably forget baby is there!
    Full time working Mom to 3, DH is my hero as a SAHD:
    DS July'09, nursed for 12 weeks
    DD1 & DD2 April'11, tandem nursed for 16 months

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    81

    Default Re: Nursing mom juggling toddler and new

    Thank you guys, lots of good ideas

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,564

    Default Re: Nursing mom juggling toddler and new

    I like all the suggestions you got. There are 27 months between my two girls... one thing that I read another mama on here saying to do is to tell the baby "No, it's big brother's turn right now" when the baby is sleeping or something. My bigger girl really gets a kick out of that. For instance, Trixie will be asleep and I'll say to her while I'm walking back to the bedroom to set her down "No Trixie, it's Lilah's turn to play with mommy. You should take a nap now." It was easier when she wasn't mobile - I could say "No Trixie, Lilah is going to play with x,y,z and you're not big enough."
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Miami, Fl
    Posts
    268

    Default Re: Nursing mom juggling toddler and new

    I too have a 28 month old and a 6 wk old. My 28 month old goes to daycare for half a day and that's helped me tons! the time we have together and days off from daycare, I make sure to involve him in the activities with the baby. As pp i ask him to help me with fetching diapers and wipes. i have him sit with me while i nurse and we read books or watch tv together, i too answer to Dora and Diego that i ill help them find whatever they are looking for and sing along to Elmo's world in the evenings when SO gets home from work, my son eats with him and plays, especially that its the time baby is nursing more. in between feedings, i bathe my older son and then baby and I put him to sleep in his big boy bed. i also
    'wear" baby and go outside with my son to ride his 9V battery toy story motorcycle or walk around the lake to feed the ducks. occasionally i have my mom or step mom take him out to the park or their houses, so its not me all the time. i also let him "hold" the baby and he likes to touch his face and kiss my breast while i'm nursing he can get rough and jump around us on the bed, but i'm constantly reminding him to be gentle.if he won't listen, then i get off the bed and change places, even if its to sit on the other side of the bed and seems to distract him and calm him down.
    Last edited by @llli*chicas; January 24th, 2012 at 11:35 AM.
    Working mommy to Cat, Nikki, Brandon and baby Lucas
    exclusively for the second time!
    we made it 21 months with previous son and 9 months and counting with Lucas

  9. #9

    Default Re: Nursing mom juggling toddler and new

    You're not alone! My girls are very close in age - a 14 month old and a 3 week old. Wearing the baby helps quite a bit when I'm home alone (DH works 24 hour shifts and we pulled DD1 out of daycare while I'm on maternity leave), and I try to have time carved out when DD2 is napping for me and DD1 - for example, this morning, DD1 "helped" me make pancakes from scratch. There's also bedtime, when she got a bunch of stories read, and a nice chunk of cuddle time. Like pp said, I also get her to help with the baby - say for diaper changes - she gets a kick out of that. SHe also likes to "hold" the baby and give her kisses. I find that letting the baby give DD1 "attention" helps a lot!

    As for nursing - I usually do that on the floor either with DD2 in the moby wrap or on a feeding pillow, so DD1 can sit next to me and watch or stroke the baby or be read a book/watch Sesame Street. Also, what helps is that we're confined to one room for the majority of the day - I used a bunch of baby gates to block off the living room, so I dont have to worry about DD1 getting into things and I can't see her easily.

    DD1 has her toddler breakdown jealousy moments during the day though, and Daddy time (or another relative) really helps until I can have one-on-one time with her.

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