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Thread: How to encourage hubby

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Brazil
    Posts
    67

    Default How to encourage hubby

    I think my dh I'd getting really frustrated with the fact that our little dirk is only comforted by me or morespecifically, by the boob. We have a really hard time even transferring her from my arms to his for some cuddle time when she is sleeping. She usually wakes right up and cries until she can get back to mt breast. It is also hard on me sometimes as I feel I can't put her down our pass her off to even take a shower or eat. Any help would be appreciated!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    70

    Default Re: How to encourage hubby

    I have the same problem! I can't even find the moment to go to the toilet! My baby wants only me (read: my breast), she won't sleep in her crib, she won't accept anybody else's arms... Not very practical for me! How old is your baby? Mine is 3 weeks. Maybe they'll become more independent soon?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    2,197

    Default Re: How to encourage hubby

    It is developmentally appropriate for your baby to only want you at this point, but it won't be like this forever, I promise! Some things to help your DH get some time with your daughter (and to get you a break for a little while) are: swaddling (it is much easier to pass a swaddled baby without startling them awake than it is a loosely wrapped or unwrapped baby); draping a shirt that you've worn over your DH's chest to snuggle your daughter against; have your DH wear your daughter in a snug carrier; and there is a way to pass a sleeping baby that is very gradual - you dance with her, then your DH comes up and slow dances with you, with the baby between you, matching your sway, and transfer who is holding her without braking the dance - after she is transferred, you stay swaying with them for a minute before you slowly back away. Good luck!
    Teal

    25 May 96 and 14 January 08 and 27 February 2012

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: How to encourage hubby

    Also, he can play with her at diaper changes, dress her, wear her in a sling (when she's not hungry - like, when she's awake), give her a bath ... etc. Joe was the same way, but would be pretty receptive to other people during his awake and alert moments, so I made sure DH got as much time with him as possible then. I was lucky that my DH took a long view and was well aware that Joe would come round eventually. And sure enough, as a toddler, Joe PREFERS dad a lot of the time. So it doesn't last forever.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: How to encourage hubby

    It is just a phase. And although a frustrating one, it will pass. DH felt this way with DD1. When DD2 went through it, he understood. There will be times in the not so distant future when they'll only want Daddy too. Teal's advice is solid advice.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,637

    Default Re: How to encourage hubby

    It's a phase, and it will pass. A lot of people think that the only way to bond with a newborn is to feed him/her, and they get kind of jealous of the breastfeeding mom, who seems to be doing all the bonding. And mom gets kind of worn out, because she can never put baby down. But this is all temporary! Just roll with it for now, and you will soon be able to swap baby back and forth with no problem.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Shakedown St.
    Posts
    1,176

    Default Re: How to encourage hubby

    A lot of bottle fed babies only want mama too. My brother's kids would scream for their mama when he would hold them until they were over a year. It seems to me that attachment to mama is normal infant behavior, not just breastfed infant behavior.

    When our son was very little my husband would take him out on the deck or take him to look out the window, and that would keep him happy. If my husband would try to just sit on the couch and hold him, our poor boy would cry and cry. But newborns do need to nurse pretty much all the time, so even though my husband found some ways to keep the baby happy for very short periods of time, he was still in my arms nursing the vast majority of the time.

    Now at 14 months, our little guy is all about his daddy. He doesn't say mama, but he does say dada. He claps and dances when dada walks in the room. He even falls asleep easier with my husband often than he does with me. I did not expect that while he was still nursing, but somehow it happened. So don't worry, as others have mentioned this won't last.

  8. #8

    Default Re: How to encourage hubby

    A lot of bottle fed babies only want mama too. My brother's kids would scream for their mama when he would hold them until they were over a year. It seems to me that attachment to mama is normal infant behavior, not just breastfed infant behavior.
    YES. Think about it, baby has been inside momma for their entire life until they are born. Doesn't it make sense they would feel most comfortable basically ON mama for a long, long time after birth? Trust me, as phi points out, the time will come when Dad is the most awesome person in the universe and mom feels like chopped liver.

    This is a nice very short article with ideas that may help the dad who is feeling superfluous in the early months:
    http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...t_partners.pdf

  9. #9

    Default Re: How to encourage hubby

    Does your husband talk to the baby? I know some guys (my DH too when we had DD1) feel strange having a convo with a baby that couldn't respond back verbally...but when I hand him the baby, and she starts crying because she's like "hey, you aren't mommy!", and he starts talking, she stops crying. Same with my dad for both kids - I read something about the deeper timber of male voices is calming as well.

    Also try skin to skin contact - baby in a diaper laying on top of husband's bare chest while he talks to baby.
    Navigating the crazy world of 2 kids under 2 - they're almost 14 months apart!

    A = 11/07/10; C = 01/03/12

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