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Thread: Scared, nervous and unsure

  1. #1

    Default Scared, nervous and unsure

    I am currently 31 weeks and just took my first breastfeeding class. I have an 18 and a 14 year old and bottlefed them from the beginning. My fiance has expressed he wants me to breastfeed this child (this will be an "ours", since he has a 6 year old from a previous and mine are also from a previous). After going to this class, I AM TERRIFIED! I don't know if it's because I've never done it before or if I'm afraid of screwing up and I don't want anyone to know. I don't think I'm afraid of the "public" thing - it's just I don't want him to know more than me at breasfeeding, maybe?
    Does anyone have any tips on getting over this? I know the benefits and agree with all of them - I just can't bring myself to be more comfortable about the situation......

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    In Peace

    Default Re: Scared, nervous and unsure

    Read around here, there is a TON you can learn here. But, I just want to say, He's a man. He can't know more than you at actually doing it.

    ETA: Was there anything that you heard in the class that stuck out to you as terrifying? Were you scared before that?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2011

    Default Re: Scared, nervous and unsure

    there is a lot to learn when you start learning about breastfeeding, its normal to feel overwhelmed. you don't need to memorize it all, just familiarize yourself and have resources and support.

    i love the book the womanly art of breastfeeding (8th edition). if you get that you can read it and relax, its great.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Scared, nervous and unsure

    The simple fact that you are already setting up a support network by coming here is awesome, really. I am breastfeeding for the first time and it's definitely not been easy, but I've got an awesome support network in the people around me and through places like these forums. I'd say the number one thing that I've learned is to always ask for help if you hit bumps in the road (and there will very likely be some), don't assume you're alone . Good luck!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009

    Default Re: Scared, nervous and unsure

    It makes sense to have some apprehension. You bottle fed your older kids and I am sure they are wonderful. That is what you know, and you don't know this other world. Makes sense to me. I breastfed my two kids and if I had to bottle feed the next I would panic too, I would have no idea what to do!

    It is wonderful when baby's dad wants to support mom in her desire to breastfeed. But it is not going to work if mom does not have that desire. No need to decide now, if that desire is not here yet that may come after baby is born. But it is your body and has to ultimitely be your choice.

    I am not sure what the problem was with your breastfeeding class, but IMO breastfeeding classes can sometimes be....errr-let's just say, less than helpful. Too much 'teaching' moms "how to do it." Also to much “breast is best BUT… (it’s hard, it hurts, it whatever. Sigh. I'll let you in on a little secret, lots of moms actually LOVE breastfeeding and would feel lost if they could not do it. It can be a pleasurable experience!

    I suggest you try to attend a La Leche League meeting before baby comes. Or at least call a local Leader or two and get familiar with who will be there to help you locally. Also, get the book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (8th edition, 2010) LLL gets guff for that title but it really says it all. Only women can give birth and only women can nurse their children. Not only can we, but WE ARE MADE to do these things.

    Also, remember that most moms who come on these forums or attend LLL meetings do so because they had difficulties breastfeeding, so you will see lots of issues here or hear about them at meetings. It's good info but don't assume you will have any problems. Many moms breastfeed just fine from the getgo.

    Breastfeeding is the biologically normal way to feed an infant. So you certainly can do it, as almost all women can. Like birth, breastfeeding has become overly medically complicated. Trust yourself, trust your baby, get the facts about what is NORMAL in the early days with a nursing baby, (it is different in some ways than formula feeding) and try to relax.

    PS research has shown that while generally, breastfeeding moms believe they have more difficulties in the early weeks than bottle feeding moms, breastfeeding rapidly becomes easier than bottle feeding, for most moms without major issues by 4-6 weeks. Bottle feeding on the other hand never gets any easier.

    Nice article about the early weeks: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/normal/newborn-nursing.html

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    St. Louis, MO

    Default Re: Scared, nervous and unsure

    Hang in there, momma.
    I wasn't really sure what I was going to think about nursing the first time either. I wanted to try, but I was afraid it was going to weird me out a little.
    Honestly, though.. the first time my son (now 3.5) latched on, I sobbed happy tears. He had a lot of health issues and was in the hospital for a very long time and it was so nice to do SOMETHING for him that no one else could.

    I'm now nursing my daughter (10 weeks) and just love it. I've had a few issues (thrush being the biggest one) but even with that, I still genuinely enjoy nursing her. There are practical issues- no transporting formula and water and bottles everywhere I go, no washing dishes and sterilizing nipples.. she spits up less on breastmilk than formula.. that sort of thing.
    But it's not even that.. what it really is is the look on her face when she's hungry and finds a boob. She looks SO content. She's had a few bottles here and there and she likes those, too, but the look on her face when she's on the boob is just so beautiful. And I know that *I* am doing that for her.

    I would encourage you to give it a shot and just see what you think. I really did think I'd feel a little weird about it but I just didn't. Once I got started, it felt like I was really doing what I was meant to do.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Southern NM

    Default Re: Scared, nervous and unsure

    I am wondering if the breastfeeding is sounding particularly overwhelming because the rest of it--pregnancy, childbirth, child rearing--is all stuff you have done before but this is new to you and so different from your experience. Realize too that your fiance may seem more confident/knowledgeable because (1) he ain't the one that actually has to do it and (2) he is a guy and guys (putting on my teacher hat here) will act much more confident in their knowledge than women do, even if they know less.

    The PP gave you all of the suggestions I thought of--and more. But I do want to emphasize what she said about difficulties--we don't come here and tell about the easy times, but they are legion. You will have to reset your ideas about feeding but I bet you will do great.
    I am Erin--happily married to the nerd of my dreams for 15 years
    High School Science Teacher
    Mother to: Thing 1 9/23/01, bf 15 mo, diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma 1/29/02, officially cancer free for ten years in August 2012
    Thing 2 6/6/05, bf 12 mo, obsessed with dynamite
    Glowworm 2/18/11, bf 15 months and counting

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2006

    Default Re: Scared, nervous and unsure

    You're going to do a great job! I totally agree that a lot of breastfeeding classes and a lot of what you read online focuses on the things that can go wrong, but that's just because the success stories are so boring! There's nothing to talk about when everything goes right.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2011

    Default Re: Scared, nervous and unsure

    do you know if your hospital has lactation consultants? if so, make a point of having them come and help you in the beginning. there's nothing like hands-on learning--it'll be much different from your class. when you have YOUR baby in your arms, with YOUR BABY'S particularities, that's when you learn to feed THIS PARTICULAR baby. and a lactation consultant will help you position the baby, get the latch right, correct & troubleshoot.

    if your hospital doesn't have lactation consultants, you might find independent LCs who could come help you in the beginning. in some hospitals the nurses are also very knowledgeable.

    don't be afraid to ask for help. no one will think that you're less of a mother if you don't get it right from the get-go. most women need at least a little help. in the past women learned from watching their mothers, older sisters, neighbors... who all helped when a baby was born... i suppose there are some women for whom it's easy from the get-go, but for the rest of us, thankfully, there's help!
    march 2011... the light of my life

    i love my little one

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2012

    Default Re: Scared, nervous and unsure

    I refused to breast feed when my hubby expressed he wanted me to. Then I came up with the idea to strictly pump. I am not sure why I didnt want to breast feed her I was very uncomfortable with the thought. Once I had her I put her straight on my breast and after getting through the first week of pain I would not have it any other way. It was all worth it

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