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Thread: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u, =(

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    66

    Default I cant take how BF = bb always wif u, =(

    How do you ladies do it?
    Breastfeeding, esp at our stage ( my bb is 5 wks old) = bb is always with you.
    I cant stand how my entire day is spend conjoined with her. I can't stand how I cant do anything on my own, how I have no control over my day now.

    I didn't know motherhood would be like this. I am so tempted to go into formula feeding or exclusive pumping ( which many of you have already told me is so much more restrictive than BF, so I'm most prob not going to do it)

    Is baby with you all the time?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Rhode Island
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    23

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    yes usually and i also share your frustration with you at times but it gets much better as baby gets older. you just have to trust it and stick with it. it's hard when they are little first 6-8 weeks ...i think after that it is in fact easier to bf than bottle. i exclusively bf my daughter for 3 years and after a rough start i was sooo glad i stuck with bf. my son is 4 weeks and i am right with you...but i assure you it will get better. have u tried to wear him? the moby is great and you can with some practice nurse in it...gives you your hands back

  3. #3
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    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    This is EXACTLY the way mother natures intended it. In reality if you could still be PREGNANT that would be ideal. Think of the first 3 months of your childs life as the 4th trimester. The only reason you aren't still pregnant is because women wouldn't survive child birth because of how much bigger the babies head gets. But this period of time is very very temporary and you totally should be willing to make the sacrifice for 6-12 weeks (In the same way that we make the sacrifice for 9MONTHS of being pregnant) for the health of your child. Because constant contact at this stage IS IS IS what's best for your child. Constant contact with the mother makes a child less likely to die of SIDS as it help both regulate the body temperature and helps the baby continually remember to breathe. Plus it provides constant comfort and security to your child and causes them to begin to feel trust and security. Think of it from your child's POV. You are all your child knows. All that is familiar to him/her in the whole world. Your baby is used to being in you/on you/with your 24/7. Even if you held and/or fed that baby for 12hours a day it's a 50% reduction in what your child is used to. And that is BEFORE we get into breast milk and all that THAT does for your child. We are just talking about the constant contact. In many indigenous cultures even today the mother literally wear the child the first 12weeks. In Indonesia and in Africa. The child is NEVER without their mother. Specifically for the reasons we are talking about. And seriously is such a small period of time in the 18 years you are going to have to provide care for your child. 6-12 weeks to give your child the best possible start? Its nothing. How much time will it cost you if your child has a lifelong chronic condition like eczema or asthma because you chose not breastfeed? If your child's first two years are spent filled with ear infections or countless other things that could have been avoided if you just stuck it out? What do you have to do that is more important than feed your kid and get to know them right now? Yes we all had our newborns with us constantly. Yes we all spent the first 6-12 weeks in our PJ's on the couch nursing. Let go of the idea that you have better things to do right now. You don't. The most important job you have right now IS to feed your baby. To get your supply regulated. To find your groove as a dyad. To let your child look into your face and learn to trust that you ARE going to be there to meet all their needs. That IS IT. The house work will wait. So will your need to exercise. Set up a nursing station in your house. With remote controls and phones, and snacks and your Laptop and books or magazines. Mother hood is NOT a part time gig. And this initial investment in overall health and well being is really such a small small thing you do. We are talking about another 1-6 weeks of your life. So that your baby can have the healthiest possible start. Stick with it.

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    20,638

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    At first, yes, the baby is with you all the time. And it's really, really hard to adjust to that because you've probably spent your adult life pretty much doing whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. You want to go have some fun? Go! You need to run an errand? Just get in the car! But now if you want/need to do something, you must consider your baby's needs first. Do you have enough diapers and wipes in the bag? Is baby wet, hungry, or in need of a nap? The truth is that this is just the nature of motherhood. Moms who formula-feed face pretty much the same issues, with the exception that they can occasionally hand the baby off to dad or a sitter. But the key word here is "occasionally"! My formula-feeding friends will tell you that the baby still requires the same care- diapering, feeding, napping, cleaning, etc.- and that when it is time to feed the baby at 2 a.m., it's rarely dad who gets his rear end out of bed and down to the kitchen to fix a bottle, or who rocks baby to sleep afterwards.

    Breastfeeding does make your life easier in the long run, I promise! If you formula-feed, you can't leave the house without bottles, formula, clean water, and a clock always running in your head. Because what happens if you're out too long and you run out of formula? What happens if you brought plenty of formula but baby threw her bottle on the ground and now it is covered in filth? Breastmilk is always clean, available, and at the right temperature.

    Breastfeeding also becomes an amazing parenting tool. It makes cranky babies sleep. It makes sad babies happy. It makes hurt or sick babies feel well. And it becomes more fun as time goes on! Right now your baby doesn't give back when she nurses. She just takes. But soon she's going to start smiling and interacting with you when you nurse. And she's going to be able to go longer between sessions when necessary, and will be a faster nurser. A 5 week-old baby takes a long time to nurse and needs your assistance while she nurses. But by the time most babies are a few months old, they can usually get full meals in under 10 minutes, and they don't need your help to position themselves at the breast.

    At 6 weeks, you can safely introduce a bottle. A lot of moms have dad or grandma or another caregiver feed baby one bottle a day while mom goes for a walk or takes a relaxing bath or does something for herself. It's best if it's a breastmilk bottle, and also best if mom pumps at the same time that the bottle is given.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    4,894

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    I hate to say it, but that is motherhood. No matter how you feed your baby. It's a hard adjustment to being your own person to now having this baby who requires so much of you. But it's what it is. We all go through it. Why do you think so many of us have never left these boards? Parts of it get easier, we learn how to cope with it, but other parts are just the way that it is. I haven't gone to the bathroom without being interrupted in 5 years. Even when my children sleep through the night, I still sleep with one eye open because my senses are heightened to protect my young. I willingly give my child the last piece of food over giving it to myself. We all sacrifice a piece of ourselves to bring children into the world, it's the way it was meant to be. But if you do it with the right balance, it stops feeling like a sacrifice. It stops feeling like you have to literally give up who you are to take care of them. My advice would be to keep your support system strong. Find other mothers in real life. Rely on your mother/aunt/cousin/MIL to be a sounding board. We all need to rant about these things so that we don't take it out on our children. And stick around here. These llladies have been an unbelievable support to me over the last 5 years. Sometimes I feel like they are the only ones who get it.
    If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. - Katharine Hepburn

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    4,007

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    I completely agree with the other posters

    This is such a short time when compared to the big picture. You WILL look back on this time and wonder how it went by so quickly Hang in there mama, this time is so very important for your baby - and for you.

    And this IS what motherhood looks like. You will find your new normal, but it wont be your pre-baby normal. Things change. You'll find your groove - there are so many things going on in the early weeks. Things will get easier.
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  7. #7
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    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sch.mommy View Post
    . You will find your new normal, but it wont be your pre-baby normal. Things change.
    This Exactly. Let go of the idea that you are going to "get back to normal." The way things were before will never be again. Your new normal involves your life revolving around your child. And you will not be able to shove your child into the life you had before. It's not like that. You will get to be who you are again. But it's a process and it's usually takes years. And even then it's You who you are with a CHILD that depends on your for everything. For 18 years. At least. I mean my child doesn't nurse anymore and he can dress himself and set the table. But I don't feel any less obligated to make sacrifices and take care of him. He is my total priority. I work to pay for his school. I buy organic groceries for his nutrition. I insist we all eat green veggies and whole wheat pasta so that we are setting the example. It never ends and it's in every thought I have and every breath I breathe.

    Way too lazy for formula

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    555

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    I agree with all the PP, and I would HIGHLY recommend finding someone to talk to about all this, whether it be an actual therapist or your mother or an understanding girlfriend. Just because this is all "normal" doesn't mean you shouldn't acknowledge these feelings/frustrations.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    Northern Cal.
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    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Formula fed babies still want their moms most of the time. They still cry when you try to pass them off to someone else. It does feel claustrophobic at this phase, I remember it well, but I do believe that this is not breastfeeding, it's just being a new mom. You are essential. In your baby's eyes you are irreplacable, and no bottle and no one else is quite the same. It's really hard, but it does get easier. Don't give up on breastfeeding in the illusionary hope that it will return you to pre-baby "normal." Nothing can do that. But your child will grow older and need you less, we promise. (And you'll probably feel a bit bittersweet about that. )


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
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    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    And I also just wanted to say, based on all of your threads, that you sound like you could have postpartum depression, which can really make mothering seem impossible and like something you want to run away from. Believe me, we all understand here, and many of us have been through this. I urge you to talk to your doctor about your feelings. Although we all feel claustrophobic and tired as new mothers, you deserve to feel better than you are feeling right now. And I believe you CAN feel better. Some of what you're going through is inevitable and we've all been there - but there is a thread of real unhappiness in your posts - and I believe THAT can be better.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

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