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Thread: Worried - Need Advice Please!!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
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    New Hampshire
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    Default Worried - Need Advice Please!!

    I know I'm always on here whining and panicking about something, but I'm truly at the end of my rope now.

    Gabbi has been giving me a hard time nursing for about a month and a half now. We've tried it all - different positions, different rooms, different times, everything I can think of. I'm going crazy....seriously. I've already resorted to having DH give her bottles before bed because she ABSOLUTELY refuses to nurse at that time. The ONLY times she will cooperate are at 2am and the early morning feeding (between 4am-6am). She nurses fine then, but then the rest of the day is a battle. I'm almost starting to dread weekends now. She has 2-3 pumped bottles at daycare during the week. She's having breakfast and dinner solids now. I do not think she is having too much solids, because we've stuck with the same amount for so long...and started solids before all of this madness started.

    Her wet diapers are going down. She seems happy, but starts screaming when she knows I'm about to offer her a breast.

    What do I do?? I really don't want to EP, but I'm thinking we're heading there. I'm desperate for advice! Thank you!
    Hi, I'm Jen, mommy to Victoria (5/24/09, self-weaned 11/1/10) and Gabrielle (5/20/11, still going strong!). Always and sometimes ...when will I stop? When Gabbi says so!

    Nursing Gabbi for fourteen months and counting!

    The ladies here have gotten me through some rough times!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    2,628

    Default Re: Worried - Need Advice Please!!

    Have you read this article by Kelly Mom? http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/...to-breast.html

    I had a 5 month long nursing strike and emotionally and physically it was very difficult. It was exhausting to pump around the clock and it was very hurtful to be screamed at when I offered my infant my breast. However, we did get through it and one day she decided that she wanted to nurse fully awake. And then that month nursed 3x fully awake. the next month she barely refused, I have no idea what was going on in her head, but when she was ready, she got back to breast.


    I say all of that to say please don't give up yet, because right now I have a nearly 2.5 year old who loves nursing and it has helped her be so healthy and also calmed her down and gotten her to nap almost every day, it's more than just the milk, a lot more, and even if you just keep the middle of night sleepy sessions, you are getting her to nurse and there is a good chance she'll just decide that it's OK to nurse and that she wants to do it. It takes patience and hard work but, for my experience, it was very much worth it for me.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    5,912

    Default Re: Worried - Need Advice Please!!

    I agree the article in pp has great ideas. Check it out.

    We know that bottle and pacifier use can lead to earlier than normal weaning off the breast. It's called 'triple nipple syndrome.' Besides the bottles at day care, can you eliminate bottles and pacifier use? Is it imperitive she have milk 'at bedtime?" If she does not nurse adn does not get a bottle, might she just wake up earlier and be hungry and nurse then? Nursing overnight is a good way to make sure a baby who is resistant or distracted during the day is getting eenough and helps keep your supply up. I know it is not reccomended to starve a baby into nursing and that is not what I am saying, but if the issue is bottle preference I think it might be smart to not give a bottle when you are there and can nurse. With a baby this old who is of healthy weight it might be OK to try this.

    Is there perhaps some other reason she will not nurse at bedtime? is nursing in the evening always followed with baby being put to bed? Maybe what she is resisting is bedtime, not the breast?

    Bottle preference is usually caused by something called 'flow preference.' The ease that a baby can get fed from a bottle may make a baby frustrated with the fact they have to work at it a bit more at the breast. So maybe changing the way she is fed bottles at daycare will help? See this article: http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...astfedbaby.pdf

    Also will she nurse when you pick her up from daycare? If not, maybe she is geting her last bottle too close to pick up time?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
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    278

    Default Re: Worried - Need Advice Please!!

    Co-sleeping, skin to skin. As for nighttime, if she doesn't nurse I wouldn't give the bottle. She may be really tired and if you're dealing with bottle preference she doesn't want to work for food in the evening. I'd put her down without nursing, let her sleep an hour or so and then try a dream feed...
    Mama to five beautiful kids- 9, 8, 3, 2 and currently nursing our new baby girl born 1/20/2013


    "It should not be necessary to tell reasonably intelligent mammals to suckle and not dismember their neonates." ~Susan Blustein

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    10,440

    Default Re: Worried - Need Advice Please!!

    :wss
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    2,628

    Default Re: Worried - Need Advice Please!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*melissawoods View Post
    Co-sleeping, skin to skin. As for nighttime, if she doesn't nurse I wouldn't give the bottle. She may be really tired and if you're dealing with bottle preference she doesn't want to work for food in the evening. I'd put her down without nursing, let her sleep an hour or so and then try a dream feed...
    Yes, co-sleeping helped us. That's why we started co-sleeping, to help us with breastfeeding and that way I would get to nurse her at least 2 times at night even during her very worst part of the strike.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    New Hampshire
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    Default Re: Worried - Need Advice Please!!

    Have you read this article by Kelly Mom? http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/...to-breast.html

    I had a 5 month long nursing strike and emotionally and physically it was very difficult. It was exhausting to pump around the clock and it was very hurtful to be screamed at when I offered my infant my breast. However, we did get through it and one day she decided that she wanted to nurse fully awake. And then that month nursed 3x fully awake. the next month she barely refused, I have no idea what was going on in her head, but when she was ready, she got back to breast.


    I say all of that to say please don't give up yet, because right now I have a nearly 2.5 year old who loves nursing and it has helped her be so healthy and also calmed her down and gotten her to nap almost every day, it's more than just the milk, a lot more, and even if you just keep the middle of night sleepy sessions, you are getting her to nurse and there is a good chance she'll just decide that it's OK to nurse and that she wants to do it. It takes patience and hard work but, for my experience, it was very much worth it for me.
    I have read that article and have tried most of the tips/advice. I was Googling like a madwoman one day and came across that. I've tried offering the breast often, skin-to-skin, acting like it's no big deal if she doesn't nurse, different positions, etc. The only thing I have not tried is co-sleeping, because DH is WILDLY opposed to it. Gabbi was having sleep issues for a while (up all night and not interested in nursing), so we have been trying to teach her how to fall asleep on her own. He also doesn't like the idea of her in our bed. Doesn't matter that I do, someone will be upset. How do I tell him to deal? Gabbi's health and our nursing relationship comes first at this point in life, no?

    I can't believe you went through a 5 month nursing strike! I'm not going to give up. I'm trying to take it day by day. I'm just so frustrated, but I have to say that I've never been so dedicated to anything in my life as nursing. Thank you for the encouraging words.

    We know that bottle and pacifier use can lead to earlier than normal weaning off the breast. It's called 'triple nipple syndrome.' Besides the bottles at day care, can you eliminate bottles and pacifier use? Is it imperitive she have milk 'at bedtime?" If she does not nurse adn does not get a bottle, might she just wake up earlier and be hungry and nurse then? Nursing overnight is a good way to make sure a baby who is resistant or distracted during the day is getting eenough and helps keep your supply up. I know it is not reccomended to starve a baby into nursing and that is not what I am saying, but if the issue is bottle preference I think it might be smart to not give a bottle when you are there and can nurse. With a baby this old who is of healthy weight it might be OK to try this.

    Is there perhaps some other reason she will not nurse at bedtime? is nursing in the evening always followed with baby being put to bed? Maybe what she is resisting is bedtime, not the breast?

    Bottle preference is usually caused by something called 'flow preference.' The ease that a baby can get fed from a bottle may make a baby frustrated with the fact they have to work at it a bit more at the breast. So maybe changing the way she is fed bottles at daycare will help? See this article: http://www.llli.org/docs/00000000000...astfedbaby.pdf

    Also will she nurse when you pick her up from daycare? If not, maybe she is geting her last bottle too close to pick up time?
    She doesn't use pacifiers and the only bottles she's been getting at home have been at bedtime. I'm willing to try no bottle before bed. I usually pump after she goes to bed - should I skip it in case she wakes up hungry? As for flow preference, I pumped 17.5 ounces last night after she went to bed so my assumption is that the flow was strong, but if it was too strong, wouldn't she show signs (choking, gagging, etc.)? During the day, I'm not nearly as engorged, so wouldn't the flow be slower? She doesn't want to nurse, no matter how full/empty I am. Maybe I'm just looking at this the wrong way? I feel so stupid.

    Her last bottle at daycare is 2 hours before I pick her up, so I don't think that is the issue.

    I just tried lying in bed with her (skin-to-skin) before her morning nap, and she just rolled around and smiled at me, and wanted nothing to do with nursing. I'm going crazy.
    Hi, I'm Jen, mommy to Victoria (5/24/09, self-weaned 11/1/10) and Gabrielle (5/20/11, still going strong!). Always and sometimes ...when will I stop? When Gabbi says so!

    Nursing Gabbi for fourteen months and counting!

    The ladies here have gotten me through some rough times!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    278

    Default Re: Worried - Need Advice Please!!

    I don't think a fast flow would really bother a 7-8 month old, kwim? I had a very overactive letdown and it only bothered my son under 3-4 months. He could handle it after that. But then again, he's never had bottles. We've never had a nursing strike, but we have had fussiness over waiting for letdown, especially when I had AF. You could try pumping just till letdown and then trying to get her to latch? This also worked when he was teething and would suck and pull off crying...
    Mama to five beautiful kids- 9, 8, 3, 2 and currently nursing our new baby girl born 1/20/2013


    "It should not be necessary to tell reasonably intelligent mammals to suckle and not dismember their neonates." ~Susan Blustein

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    151

    Default Re: Worried - Need Advice Please!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*Juniper79 View Post
    also doesn't like the idea of her in our bed. Doesn't matter that I do, someone will be upset. How do I tell him to deal? Gabbi's health and our nursing relationship comes first at this point in life, no?.
    I think this deserves some compromise by both parties. Is LO at least in your room? How about sidecar-ing a bassinet or crib? I would enphasize to him that LO being on hand throughout the night may be critical to your nursing success, and that he can have the luxury of an opinion once nursing is fully established and easy. Itndoesnt have to be permanent, or even a "parenting decision" -- it can just be what you do for a while. If it were my husband, I would try to figure out exactly what he is concerned about, address that issue, ans then say we're going to cosleep for 2 weeks, during which time he is welcome to the futon anytime he's uncomfortable. I truly feel that struggling to feed the baby trumps everything else in life.


    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*Juniper79 View Post
    , I pumped 17.5 ounces last night after she went to bed so my assumption is that the flow was strong, but if it was too strong, wouldn't she show signs (choking, gagging, etc.)? During the day, I'm not nearly as engorged, so wouldn't the flow be slower? She doesn't want to nurse, no matter how full/empty I am. .
    Am I reading this right? 17.5 oz is an enormous amt of milk!!! From one pumping session??!? I think you might be having some oversupply issues that may also be frustrating your LO while nursing.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*Juniper79 View Post
    Maybe I'm just looking at this the wrong way? I feel so stupid.
    .
    You are not stupid. This is hard and you are exhausted. Go easy on yourself.
    Kate

    Mother to a sweet boy, born at 34 weeks on 2/11/11.
    Proud that I grew 26 lbs of baby before solids, and still counting...

    We received banked milk in the NICU. Thank you, donors!!!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
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    Default Re: Worried - Need Advice Please!!

    Yeah I am not really one to tell a woman to go against what her husband says but I would encourage you to at least have a discussion about why it's important for your daughter at this time. My husband originally didn't want us to co-sleep but I think once he learned the benefits and how hard I was working at nursing and that it was really important to me, he was willing to try it. Maybe at least figure out what your husband really opposes about it; maybe he's worried that you'll end up sleeping with her till she's 10 yrs old or something and you can tell him that you'll plan to transition her out of bed at age 2 or 3 or whenever you're all ready. Breastfeeding the first year was the hardest thing I had done at that point, it took a lot of dedication and hard work but it was worth it, and I'm glad we didn't give up.

    17.5 oz in one session is a lot! How long had it been since you had pumped before that? How much do you usually make in 24 hrs?

    Hang in there. There are many things in life we just have to take one day at a time and sometimes breastfeeding is one of them.... You're doing a great job.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

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