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Thread: Bad wifey

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
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    418

    Default Bad wifey

    So I feel like a bad wifey lately.

    Let me start with I LOVE LOVE LOVE nursing, but that being said I feel like my body has been hijacked. DS is 4.5 months old and it seems like so many people are talking to me about #2 which we have not decided on. All I can think when people say something to me about the possibility of another is that I dont want my body hijacked for another 2+ years. I know this will pass but it is frustrating.

    All of this has made my sex drive take a nose dive, and on top of that every time DH comes near my boobs all that goes thru my head is that they are not his and to leave them alone, they have a purpose. I hope this goes away soon, even when the thoughts are going thru my head or I am avoiding DTD I feel bad.
    I am Klisti, I married my best friend Kris two years ago.

    The love of my life, Wyatt 8-28-11 AKA the little dude

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    Northern Cal.
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    Default Re: Bad wifey

    This is totally normal. Lowered libido while you're nursing a 4.5 month old is mostly hormonal - and it's just your body's way of saying, you are not ready for another pregnancy yet. And you're not. That's okay!! Before birth control was available, these hormones protected the baby, because getting pregnant can kill a mom's milk supply, and the mom, because giving birth in quick succession is physically taxing. So it's physiological - you're not actually being a bad wifey, you're just responding to the hormones that your body is making, which are saying, don't get pregnant right now!

    In the meantime, it can be good to just be honest with your DH about this, but then make an effort to give him a good time now and then (be creative, ahem, it doesn't need to be intercourse). Most women find their libido starts to return when their fertility returns (AF comes back), which usually happens as your baby starts eating more solids and relying less on breastmilk. Remind your DH that you love and appreciate him, and that this is just a season in your marriage, not the way it's going to be forever.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  3. #3
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    Jun 2009
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    6,562

    Default Re: Bad wifey

    My DH has not been allowed to touch the ladies for almost four years now. It started when I was pregnant with Lilah. I just can't stand it. Needless to say, we managed to create a number 2, even with decreased libido from nursing. I also make sure that we are intimate at least twice a week whether I'm interested or not. I know that some people don't like that idea, but it works for us.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Bad wifey

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommy2lilah View Post
    My DH has not been allowed to touch the ladies for almost four years now. It started when I was pregnant with Lilah. I just can't stand it. Needless to say, we managed to create a number 2, even with decreased libido from nursing. I also make sure that we are intimate at least twice a week whether I'm interested or not. I know that some people don't like that idea, but it works for us.
    same deal here
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Bad wifey

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommy2lilah View Post
    My DH has not been allowed to touch the ladies for almost four years now.
    Yeah, this is no longer an erogenous area for me, and is now kind of the opposite. Just stay away.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    Default Re: Bad wifey

    Also it may be good to know that its not always the same each child. DD1 I didn't want touched either, for a loooong time. But, after that, all my other pregnancies, post pregnancies have been waaaay different. Well except this time I am more tired, but um......I'm fine with being touched! lol haha And all that goes with it! lol

    That being said, I too am of the do it any way crowd, it for sure is hormones most likely. At the same time, I know just doing things can make some feelings come back, so I just go with it any way when dh initiates.

    ~Heather~
    Wife to
    Vincent since 2001
    SAHMommy to
    Lela 2006 EPed 2 1/2 Years
    ~Donavon & Jeremy~ 2009
    Belle 2010 Nursed over a year
    Raphael 2011 Nursing like a champ
    Raphael & Hubs

    My Blog
    ~Heather's Prairie~

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Bad wifey

    Wow! I am in a very similar situation. My lo is 6months and I want nothing to do with sex and I also want nothing to do with my face and that place I also HATE having my boobs touched by my husband! My lo 'owns' them My husband doesn't get it and it has put a wrench in the relationship Wish I knew how to get past all this. So if you figure something out please share. Cause my husband has to deal with once every other week or so

    Married to Josh 05/07/2005
    Grace 12/17/2006 FF
    Emma 01/22/2008 EP
    Frank 06/26/2011 EBF

    "While breastfeeding may not seem like the right choice for every parent, it is the best choice for every baby" Amy Spangler

    **** 8 beautiful months and going strong ****

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
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    Default Re: Bad wifey

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*joe.s.mom View Post
    Yeah, this is no longer an erogenous area for me, and is now kind of the opposite. Just stay away.
    totall how I feel. It is kinda a turn off! Which sucks for DH as he is a boob man.

    I am glad that I am not the only one that feels this way. I do give in at least once a week or more often it is just not fun like it use to be. Now it just feels like work. I don't think that DH should have to suffer because I am "not in the mood"
    I am Klisti, I married my best friend Kris two years ago.

    The love of my life, Wyatt 8-28-11 AKA the little dude

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,271

    Default Re: Bad wifey

    If anyone had talked to me about having a second baby when my first was 4.5 months old, I would have laughed and then kicked them in the gonads.

    Cut yourself some slack! As JoMo so rightly said, this is natural, it's physiological, and it's temporary. Until your libido bounces back, a schedule, psyching yourself up, a glass of wine, a sexy bra, and some lube can really help!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
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    Lehigh Acres, Florida
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    151

    Default Re: Bad wifey

    Until your libido bounces back, a schedule, psyching yourself up, a glass of wine, a sexy bra, and some lube can really help!

    Married to Josh 05/07/2005
    Grace 12/17/2006 FF
    Emma 01/22/2008 EP
    Frank 06/26/2011 EBF

    "While breastfeeding may not seem like the right choice for every parent, it is the best choice for every baby" Amy Spangler

    **** 8 beautiful months and going strong ****

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