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Thread: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u, =(

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    1,293

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*emeline View Post
    thks for the many and all very helpful advice.

    I do recognize now that I have PND. I had/have a severe eating disorder before and during pregnancy already so this compounds it.
    I will see a doctor soon.
    Felt so overwhelmed today. Looked at my daughter and started crying.
    let us know what happens when you call the dr. you have a lot going on and you deserve to feel better mama

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
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    66

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    so scared here. I feel so stressed ard baby.I feel so stressed about everything. I am so scared of my life now.
    I hate myself. I hate my body, everything.
    made an appt to see the doctor next tues. Praying that I can hang in till then.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    466

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    mama, please hang in there. know that i and all the other mamas here are thinking of you, and pulling for you. i know it's a small drop in the ocean, but i hope our virtual good vibes will make a little difference. i found your post very moving, it touched my heart, and i care about you even if i don't know you.

    i hope your partner or family members can help you in the meantime. do you have someone you trust you can talk about these feelings? you can always PM me if you want a more private conversation.

    i'm sending you lots of virtual hugs. life is difficult sometimes... but at the end of the day it's worth it. the first time you see your LO breaking a smile for you, for example...
    march 2011... the light of my life

    i love my little one

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    66

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    Do you have a partner? Where is your Help? Did you damage your child in utero with said eating disorder?
    My husband tries to help, but he does not know of my eating disorder.( binge eating disorder and exercise addiction) As he is away most of the day I have managed to keep my disorder a secret. I dun want him to know as I am afraid that he will find me as worthless and ugly as I think I am.

    My lil girl turned out fine. During pregnancy, I made sure that I ate nutritious food. I also had frequent doctor checkups to ensure that she was developing fine and well. I did exercise obsessively though...5 hours a day. ( 15km daily run till 36 weeks which became 15km daily walks, followed by 1 hour of intense yoga and 1 hr of weights)..to counter my binge eating and keep my mood in check.

    now that I cant do my exercise, my binge eating is back in full force...and with it the self-loathing.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    151

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Hi Emeline,
    I agree with the PPs. Everything is going to be alright. You'll get through this, too. I know how all of these changes can make life feel totally out of control -- and, really, that's totally rational because for the first time as an adult we aren't in control. This sounds crazy, but it can sometimes be helpful to remember that, if you really and truly can't do it, you can put your child up for adoption. Another family would love her. I know this sounds crazy!!! And I'm sure some people will think this is bad advice. But I think that it can be helpful to remember that, even now, this is a choice -- that it's not completely out of your control -- that, even though you may not have a lot of choice about feeding her all the time, for instance, it is a choice OVERALL to change your life so dramatically. Moreover, and in the shorter term, if you ever feel that you are actually unable to take care of her, you need to tell your husband or a nearby friend. Don't endanger your little girl. It's ok if you can't do this, but you need to tell someone.

    I wonder if it wouldn't help you to get out of the house, in the short term. Don't spend all day at home by yourself. Do you have neighbors who can come go on walks with you? Or are there new mom groups in your area? There's also a "Baby boot camp" mom's group that meets in many places around the US -- you might google them and see if there's one in your area, too -- heck, you could even start one! I'm sure that there are lots of new mothers who would benefit from your expertise with exercise.

    I think its obvious you need to tell your husband what's going on, right? You know that I think. You can do it; and I think you know, rationally, that he isn't going to be disgusted with you. It's scary to be honest with people, especially if we love them, but if there is ever a time for it, it's now. You NEED his support right now; you DESERVE it. Your daughter needs you to have more support right now. Moreover, you deserve to not be in pain. Hang in there, Emeline. Big hugs from all of us.
    Kate

    Mother to a sweet boy, born at 34 weeks on 2/11/11.
    Proud that I grew 26 lbs of baby before solids, and still counting...

    We received banked milk in the NICU. Thank you, donors!!!

  6. #26
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    Apr 2011
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    1,293

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    is your husband home right now? you need to speak with him. if you are not ready to tell him about your eating disorder that is ok. you do need to tell him that you are suffering with depression right now. you can get through tonight with his help. you will need to go to the dr tomorrow. go speak with him.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    Shakedown St.
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    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Depression is normal after pregnancy, but it will get worse if it isn't treated. It's great that you've got an appointment, but I might try elsewhere to see if you can get in earlier. If you are scared, then you can go to an emergency room and get treated immediately. A hospital ER will also get you referred to a specialist right away. Maybe try to get out and take some short walks if you choose to wait. Just enough to stretch your legs and get some fresh air. However, based on what you've written, I might head over to an ER tomorrow.

    This is right on:

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mtmama View Post
    is your husband home right now? you need to speak with him. if you are not ready to tell him about your eating disorder that is ok. you do need to tell him that you are suffering with depression right now. you can get through tonight with his help. you will need to go to the dr tomorrow. go speak with him.
    We all need help early on, and I think that many of us have needed to sit down and have a conversation with our significant others about our needs once the insanity of motherhood sinks in. Because you are suffering to such an extent, you really need to get his support right now. You can get through this, and I wish you all the best.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    66

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    I told my hubby about my PND. Not the whole truth abt how I feel, but rather just telling him that I cant cope and that I am stressed abt baby. I can't tell him that I don't want to be around her. He will hate me for that.

    He's more hands-on now and takes over more duties like diaper change, burping her.

    I'm so stressed and panicky around her, especially when she's awake. I dun feel like playing with her, yet I know tt that's the time where she is most receptive to learning. So I feel so guilty. I only feel some relief when she's sleeping quietly and peacefully, because it means that she doesn't 'needs' me (I feel less overwhelmed by the responsibility of having someone totally dependent on me)

    I cant tell my husband abt my ED. I am scared that he will think me a selfish, superficial person who only cares about her looks, when I shld be concentrating on loving and taking care of our daughter.

    Thks you for all yr concern. I called my doctor and they still booked me in for an appt next tues. I will hang in there.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    1,293

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u



    great that you told your dh you need some support. don't be afraid to ask for more. just say "i am overwhelmed, i need your help" i say that everyday!

    babies ARE overwhelming for all of us. don't feel guilty.

    you will work through all your negative emotions soon but i wanted to tell you that you are not selfish and not superficial. eating disorders are a disease, not something you are choosing. you will get better with help.

    you are not alone. here are some articles written by other moms that may help to comfort you in some way:
    http://www.llli.org/nb/nbnovdec08p15a.html
    http://www.llli.org/nb/nbjulaug06p148.html
    http://www.llli.org/nb/nbdepression.html

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    5,609

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    so scared here. I feel so stressed ard baby.I feel so stressed about everything. I am so scared of my life now.
    I hate myself. I hate my body, everything.
    made an appt to see the doctor next tues. Praying that I can hang in till then.
    Dear Emeline, If a mother called me and said this to me, I would urge her to seek medical attention immediately. This is way beyond a breastfeeding issue. "Baby blues" and feeling like your world has done a 180 in the weeks after having a baby is normal to an extent, but the feelings you have expressed in your posts here imo point to a potentially far more serious problem. PPD is not something to fool around with, it can be an extremely dangerous condition. You and your family deserve and need help now. I truly feel it is vital you get professional help without any further delay. PLEASE.

    This international organization has lots of info on its website and seems to have a contact person in many countries. http://postpartum.net/

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