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Thread: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u, =(

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    In Peace
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    2,923

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    I had emotional problems after my son was born. I think I understand what you are feeling. I didn't want my ds around. I just knew he had to be because succeeding at breastfeeding was more important to me than anything else at that time. Breastfeeding my son helped cement a bond between us. It communicated love to him when I couldnt bring myself to communicate it in other ways. I waited three years before taking charge and doing something about my problems and for my own, my son's and my husband's sake I WISH I had done something about it sooner. I will not tell you that I am perfect now, quite the opposite. I still struggle with wanting him around at least once a day but the good thing is that he doesn't need me as much now. So, I encourage you to talk to your doctor. Be honest with him/her like you have been here and seek therapy and/or meds. In another thread you stated that you aren't taking them so you can breastfeed but that is unnecessary. There are antidepressants safe for use while nursing. I also encourage you to NOT give up on breastfeeding. The health benefits alone are enough reason to keep at it. It gets easier. Before long, breastfeeding will be easier than preparing and cleaning/sterilizing bottles and nipples. Breasts are always clean and ready.
    How much help do you have? A spouse or boyfriend to give baths, change diapers, hold baby, bring her to you to nurse, rock, change her clothes, play with her while you bathe or exercise or read for 20 minutes? Having help is important for a new mother.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    Shakedown St.
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    1,176

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    I think that everyone here has given you some excellent perspectives.

    The first few months are particularly rough. The first things I invested in when I found out I was pregnant was a ring sling and an upright carrier, knowing that I would be pretty firmly attached to the baby but would also need to get some things done. I found that getting out of the house with the baby in the carrier saved my sanity in those early months. Carrying my baby also kept him nice and warm as he was born at the end of November and it was pretty cold when he was super little. I went for a walk with my baby snuggled against my chest everyday, and it really helped keep the baby blues at bay. I do agree, however, that it is a good idea to discuss possible PPD with your doctor. I did this as well, just to make sure that my feelings were within the range of "normal".

    Also, formula and pumping will come with there own set of problems. You will still be attached to your baby, but you will have TONS more dishes to do while trying to attend a tiny newborn. That doesn't seem too freeing to me.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Yes to all of the above, particularly the part about the bottles. Even formula won't free you from baby care. If anything, then you have a baby who wants YOU and you have a lot of washing up to do.

    I have thought you have postpartum depression from your very first post. I think you need to find a therapist to work through all this with and a local mother's group, so you can see what life is like with a new baby....and that it is not the end of your life. It's just going to be way more different than you thought it would be.

    Things tend to go back to normal, or as normal as possible, around 14-18 months IME. But your child will always need to be your priority. That often means us moms suck it up and out what we want to do on the back burner to tend our children.

    I just started to be able to leave my child with someone other than his dad. Part of that was because of his birth defect. Part of it was simply because he really needed ME. And that is normal. And healthy. The time you put in now will pay off later.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,293

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    hi there. it became a lot easier with my second child for the sole reason that i knew to just let go this time. i agree with pp about setting up that nursing station and letting go of the idea of going back to your old self. this is a transition period for you and your baby. it is a very important time.

    motherhood is a huge adjustment, it is not what any of us imagined. and each mother child relationship is different. the early months are tough. any form of depression is going to be that much harder to live with so i think it is essential that you take care of yourself. it is so important and you will feel so much better.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    108

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Emeline, I can relate to what you are going through. The first 6 weeks of DD's life I spent on the couch breast-feeding her all the time. She would doze off here and there for 20 minutes (but would scream if I tried to put her down), but mostly she was eating. My husband had to do EVERYTHING around the house, including bringing me all the food. I felt so helpless, it was driving me nuts.

    But trust me, it does get better! By around 2 months it was no longer awful, though it certainly no walk in the park. DD is 12 weeks tomorrow and I'm starting to feel like we are on our way to finding our new "normal."

    Some things that helped me: watching a lot of netflix on demand and hulu to pass time. I was also helpful to read other mothering forums (including this one) for support and to connect with other women in a similar situation. I was too sleep-deprived to read anything serious, but Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions" was something I read and re-read all the time and it made me feel much better. Make sure you always have a full glass of water and a healthy (and tasty) snack next to your nursing station.

    And just keep saying to yourself "this too, shall pass!" I promise, it will!
    Last edited by @llli*luckypixie; January 1st, 2012 at 05:28 PM.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    66

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    thks for the many and all very helpful advice.

    I do recognize now that I have PND. I had/have a severe eating disorder before and during pregnancy already so this compounds it.
    I will see a doctor soon.
    Felt so overwhelmed today. Looked at my daughter and started crying.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,424

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Do you have a partner? Where is your Help? Did you damage your child in utero with said eating disorder?

    Way too lazy for formula

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    466

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*emeline View Post
    thks for the many and all very helpful advice.

    I do recognize now that I have PND. I had/have a severe eating disorder before and during pregnancy already so this compounds it.
    I will see a doctor soon.
    Felt so overwhelmed today. Looked at my daughter and started crying.
    mama, I just want to send you s. Wish I could do something to make you feel better. I also had many of the feelings you described, even if I didn't have PND. They are normal. Becoming a mother is a seismic event. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing you are not alone. And baby blues are also very common. ALL of my friends told me they felt a bit of post-partum depression.

    But yes, it is important that you get some help. Seeing a doctor is a great thing. But I hope that you have other people who can also help you. Your husband, family, friends, neighbors? You need to take care of yourself and be in good shape emotionally and physically, otherwise you can't take care of your baby. Period!

    As an extra thing to help you in this tender period: If you can afford it, I HIGHLY recommend that you look into hiring a post-partum doula for a few hours a week. They will help you care not only for your baby, but also for yourself and your partner. They know their way with a newborn, they help with house chores, they help with breastfeeding and post-partum recovery, they get you to rest and nap... they know how tough it is for a new mom. We had a post-partum doula (a gift from our in-laws, since our families live very far from us) and it was the best thing. They are like "grandmothers for hire"--except that, unlike many grandmas, they will actually do things just the way you want!!!

    PS. I remember that in the early days, sometimes, I just felt that I too needed a bit of coddling and caring. Everyone is so focused around the newborn, I think people forget that a new mom also needs tending.
    march 2011... the light of my life

    i love my little one

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Call your doctor or midwife right now. They can direct you to help, such as a therapist, getting you medications, etc. Do it right now. I had severe PPD with my first baby, to the point the doctor wanted to hospitalize me, and it would not have been that bad had I gotten help when I realized there was a problem. Instead, I tried to gut through it, and the world came crashing down at 12 weeks postpartum.

    To treat PPD, you need three things:
    Good social support, such as friends and family who are u derstanding and can help with chores around the house while you focus on your baby and on feeling better
    A counselor
    Medications. But (!!!!!) too many doctors ignore the first two and just hand out meds. If this is the case, RUN. Meds alone won't fix PPD.

    There are many moms who have BTDT with PPD
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: I cant take how BF = bb always wif u

    Pick up the phone, mama. We are pulling for you! I hope you understand that we are urging you to do this because we KNOW how bad this feels, because we've been there. This is the kick in the pants we wish someone had given us (or maybe they did). You can get through this, and you don't have to feel so bad.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

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