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Thread: please tell me

  1. #11
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Denver, Co.
    Posts
    1,164

    Default Re: please tell me

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*firsttime View Post
    Is it bad that one of my main reasons for not wanting another is the lack of sleep? I love sleep. I do so miss it.
    Vent away! You are free to not want or to want more children for any reason in the world. That's why it's called your choice.

    I'm guessing it's teething. The teething tablets work wonders. Good luck!

    Christine
    Baby Girl Born 2/17/10 to her two mommies
    BF from day one. I looked up one day and realized I'm nursing a toddler!

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    169

    Default Re: please tell me

    The reason I initially didn't want kids when DH and I first got married was because I loved sleep too much, so you're not alone! I was about ready to pull my hair out when DD would not nap today, as I was really looking forward to a nap after her hourly wakings last night. (thank goodness for cosleeping--it has helped me so much!) I don't know if this would help any but what has made the situation at least a little more bearable for me was to separate the frustration i was feeling over the lack of sleep from the frustration of feeling like I (and the baby) should be STTN, especially when other ppl are bragging about their LO's sleeping 11 hrs straight. Once I realized it's just not reasonable to expect a baby to consistently STTN, i got busy focusing on how to rearrange my priorities in my life to take the best care of myself--eating healthy to help combat the fatigue, napping as much as I can, shifting my expectations of what a clean house looks like, etc. Also, I personally think parents of babies who supposedly STTN 'all the time' just don't hear their babies at night. I have a friend on facebook who openly admitted that she turned off her baby monitor to get some more sleep (even though her baby supposedly STTN..) and her husband had to wake her because their son was screaming and she didn't hear him. I know this won't help you get anymore sleep, but hang in there!
    First time mommy to Anika Jo, born 6/27/11 at home
    Love to , and . Cloth diapering full time, and part-time ECing-- my baby pees and poos in her little pink potty!
    I blog: www.the-whole-life.blogspot.com

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,475

    Default Re: please tell me

    Here's some thoughts:
    DD1 was driving me around the bend. I was SO.TIRED. So I decided to give myself a break.

    1) I started co-sleeping
    2) I stopped counting how often we were getting up at night
    3) I stopped looking at the clock

    The above 3 things completely freed me. Cosleeping allowed me to nurse her before she woke completely and before I woke completely. Stopping counting freed me from getting so frustrated about "you're up AGAIN?!?!" She couldn't help herself or her need to wake up - so accepting that it was going to happen, regardless of what I did or didn't do helped my frustration. Lastly, stopping looking at the clock truly freed me from any artificial expectations of what 'should' or 'shouldn't' be happening. How long we were up only pissed me off. So why look at it? Why look at something that I KNEW was going to piss me off? NOT looking at it empowered me to NOT get mad.

    Eventually she started sleeping longer. Eventually she woke fewer times. Because I wasn't keeping track, I was calmer, happier, more well rested. I honestly didn't care anymore about how often or how long she was up. I'm not saying it was easy. It wasn't. However stopping fighting it released so much. . Try it, it may help!
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    169

    Default Re: please tell me

    i completely agree with Amysmom! Those things helped me tremendously. i really need to get back in the habit of not watching the clock...here recently i've been using my cell phone as a night light to help her wigglier than normal self get latched and can't help but note the time everytime i do. funny, i've subsequently been less rested than normal, i'm convinced partly because of the clock watching. i think it's much more a mental thing than we realize..
    First time mommy to Anika Jo, born 6/27/11 at home
    Love to , and . Cloth diapering full time, and part-time ECing-- my baby pees and poos in her little pink potty!
    I blog: www.the-whole-life.blogspot.com

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    527

    Default Re: please tell me

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*firsttime View Post
    Sorry to vent about such a normal part of being a mom. I feel bad and dumb that I am complaining. Whenever I complain DH reminds me that I can't sleep all the way through the night (I used to wake up every hour or so when I was younger).
    When I complain to my DH, he always says "this is what it's like being a parent." EXCUSE ME?! He has no idea! He always sleeps through the night. How dare him tell *me* that I need to suffer because that is what parents do! hehe :-P
    ~ Megan

    Mommy to Alex (born 2/27/11) and Katie (born 3/31/14)

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    199

    Default Re: please tell me

    Last night was HORRIBLE. Yes, I was clock watching. He woke up every hour to hour and a half. All. Night. Long. He even had a 45 minute refusal to sleep, but still woke up 1.5 hours after his last wake up. I tried everything - tylenol, more blankets, less blankets, teething tablets, tummy drops. Nothing helped. At 5:30 when he decided to be up for the day, I woke up DH and made him take the baby. I was upset and stressed and he acted like I was a raving lunatic. I wanted to shoot him or hurt him very badly. I told him I was tempted to give DS bottles at night so that DH can share in the misery and he said "that's nice." I told him (well yelled) that I have been getting up several times a night since june of last year and that he's been sleeping nice and cozy in his bed and doesn't know what it is like to be sleep deprived for months. I wanted to say more, but decided not to prove I was a raving maniac. I am so tempted to do co-sleeping, but DH is such a sound sleeper, I am worried he will roll over on DS. PlusN how do I keep my upper body from freezing when it is out of the covers all night? And how do I keep him from rolling off the bed? Right now I cradle him in my arms if I put him in bed with me, but that is usually only for an hour or so if I feed him in the morning so I can get another hour of sleep, rather than waking up right away. Plus, how will I finally get him out of my bed? Not sure if DH would agree either.
    Please excuse my typos, I am always NAK.

    DS since 1/30/11

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    169

    Default Re: please tell me

    Oh mama, sorry to hear your night was so rough When I was pregnant, I was fairly certain I wanted to cosleep, but my DH, not so much. I found this link about how to sidecar a crib to your bed helpful, thinking that was what we were going to do http://www.freewebs.com/sidecarcrib/ My DH wasn't thrilled with the idea. As we have a full sized bed, I wasn't sure cosleeping would be feasible, but after laying my DD the first night in her arm's reach cosleeper (that was our compromise) and seeing her squirm about, I picked her up, laid down in bed and my DH didn't say a peep about it. She's been sleeping, cradled in my arms, or leaning against my body ever since. Once she rolled over, we put our mattress on the floor, with pillows next to our bed. Some people will use bed rails. If you're worried your DH is too sound of a sleeper, you can just put your DS next to you and the bed rail if you want. I've read it suggested on here, and I think this is a GENIUS suggestion for DH's that are resistant to cosleeping, that you could have your DH bring your DS to you every time he wakes to nurse, and then have him put your DS back to bed. That way you both share the responsibility of nighttime parenting without having to resort to bottles, and your DH just might warm up to the idea of cosleeping after a few nights of getting a taste of what you go through. Haven't approached the issue of trying to get DD out of our bed (and won't for a long while, especially since DH works nights and I would have to do it all myself) but Dr. Jay Gordon's night weaning method I hear from various sources is really helpful http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html Also, I've also heard the No Cry Sleep Solution has some good ideas for cosleeping parents. Oh, one more thing: I'm the type that loves to have my covers up to my ears, and found that a good flannel long sleeved shirt keeps me plenty warm--and we keep our house set at 60 at night! Sometimes i'll do this thing where I'll hook the blanket over my top shoulder (i always lay on my side facing DD) and hold the blanket at an angle low with my hand over DD's bum so it won't go anywhere, if you can picture that. Hope it's ok that I admitted that!
    First time mommy to Anika Jo, born 6/27/11 at home
    Love to , and . Cloth diapering full time, and part-time ECing-- my baby pees and poos in her little pink potty!
    I blog: www.the-whole-life.blogspot.com

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    199

    Default Re: please tell me

    Great idea about the waking thing. DH said he would do that. He will probably fall asleep before I am done and we will end up co-sleeping, but oh well.
    Please excuse my typos, I am always NAK.

    DS since 1/30/11

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,475

    Default Re: please tell me

    Yup - in the early days, DH gets up with baby (even if I have to wake him), changes the diaper and brings them to me. It gives me some time to get my head on straight and know which way is up. Then I put them back to bed. That way, he has a clue as to what's been going on at night.

    DH didn't like the idea of cosleeping. But when it was the only thing that got both baby and I to sleep without me being on the verge of tears all the time, he was all for it. The few times I pumped a bottle for him to give so I could get a 4 - 5 hour stretch it was SO STRESSFUL for all of us. Baby cried, and CRIED while he stumbled around, tried to warm up the bottle, get organized, etc. I can't sleep with a screaming baby. Even though it was only maybe 10 minutes from first stirring to giving the baby the bottle (which if you think about it, is pretty quick) it was 10 minutes of HELL. Not restful AT.ALL. So DH was more than happy to entertain ideas that worked better / faster that didn't include him doing a bottle. If it was cosleeping? He's all for it now!

    Yes, either side car or have a bed rail with babe between you and bedrail, DH on the other side of you. My DH thought that he'd roll on baby too - but he surprised himself with how aware he was of them. Even when they'd skooch over and snuggle up to him. He'd wake up teetering on the edge of the bed with baby taking 3/4 of our Queen sized bed.

    DH and I made a deal that he couldn't just pooh-pooh an idea without offering another solution of his own. Additionally, he couldn't just assume a solution that omitted him completely. It helped when we laid down some ground rules.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,983

    Default Re: please tell me

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mek View Post
    They have to learn to sleep at some point, right??? And at that point, I'll probably be pregnant again... sigh. :-P
    Uh huh. And uh huh.



    ETA: What I've learned is to be happy with something less than "sleeping through the night." Waking every couple hours all night is genuinely difficult. But waking once or twice is no big deal. If you don't set your heart on "STTN," but realize that actually you can be pretty happy and alert with a couple of wakings, you will be more likely to find your expectations are realistic and you do eventually get enough sleep, and you feel pretty good. For us, sleeping through the night was an unrealistic pipe dream. I needed an attitude adjustment in order to realize that things WERE getting better, even though we hadn't achieved that yet. When other people talk about their babies sleeping through the night, I seriously nod politely and WALK AWAY. For some babies, this is just not realistic, and you'll only cause yourself pain by wishing for it. Oh, and go to bed earlier.
    Last edited by @llli*joe.s.mom; December 28th, 2011 at 02:29 PM.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

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