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Thread: Not sure what to do

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    112

    Default Not sure what to do

    I am not sure where would be the best place to post this either 12+ or criticism so I will post it in both places. My whole family breastfeeds they say they are very probreastfeeding. However no one has ever nursed past a year. The longest besides me is my younger sister who nursed til 10 months. I am still nursing my son who is now 40 months. We have talked about weaning I have read How Weaning Happens and had just decided he would wean when ready. I have put limits on breastfeeding. We no longer breastfeed in public or around a lot of other people. Well last night my youngest sister who is 23 and single stayed over watching a movie and spent the night. Most of my sisters are pretty comfortable with their bodies and I felt comfortable nursing in front of her and did a couple of times. She didn't say anything. In the back of the mind I was hoping she would think it was natural and one day nurse her toddlers. Well another sister just called me (I have four sisters all have nursed a LO except the youngest) and said the youngest sister was really disturbed my me breastfeeding LO. They think he is too old and too big ( 95percentile for height and weight). First of all it's not his fault he's tall. I have tried to explain it to them but they say it wierd and then say they are afraid he will grow up to be a pervert. I've told them that's not how it works but they don't get it. I am pretty determined to do what's best for LO but it makes me sad that now I feel like I should totally closet breastfeed so no one knows and they will all get off my back. Those of you who have done extended nursing can you please right and tell me how weaning happened for you and your little one and how you handled these situations and it would be great to know that your kids are well adjusted. My sisters have always been my best friends but I am considering lying to them and telling everyone LO has weaned would that be wrong.
    Did this for 9months with Kailey and Hailey
    who are now 8.

    weaned Dane somewhere around 3.5 no longer he likes to sleep with his sisters He's now 5

    Now I am , , My baby Cruz who is almost 6 months and my last baby

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    112

    Default Re: Not sure what to do

    I just thought of something else, My family is horrible about teasing and I bet the tease my son forever that he nursed to for to long. That's awful I know but I bet they do. I love my sisters but I love my son more.
    Did this for 9months with Kailey and Hailey
    who are now 8.

    weaned Dane somewhere around 3.5 no longer he likes to sleep with his sisters He's now 5

    Now I am , , My baby Cruz who is almost 6 months and my last baby

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,406

    Default Re: Not sure what to do

    I nursed my son until he was 4.5 years old. We began the weaning process at a year because at that point he was eating 3 meals a day plus snacks. At 14months I went back to work and then we were away from each other for 8-10 hours a day. He has no interest in cows milk so he drank water out of a sippy and eat solids all day and we nursed on demand when together. By 18 months we began to set limits. I worked to curb the boredom nursing. And by two MOST of the public nursing was done. I live in northern california where toddler nursing is pretty well accepted as the norm...but I just was really conscious of not wanting to freak out NEW nursing mothers. I would nurse in my home pretty freely. But there needed to be asking. By 3 we where down to 3-6times a day. When he started preschool that number went down to 1-4times a day. Because he dropped his last nap and on the three days a week he went to preschool we didn't have time in the morning. So three days a week there was no wake up session (which was my favorite) and the nap up and down sessions disappeared with that last nap. On those days sometimes he would want to nurse right when we got home and sometimes even that session would not happen if dinner was on the table. He was 3 year 9 months when he started preschool. I was pretty sure we were going to be done by 4. And we started talking about being done. But....it seemed like too much to take it away from him RIGHT when he started school. And sometimes when we'd get home and dinner was on the table....he would gt mad about not being able to do it. It was still a need. But with the additional responsibility of school....he needed it LESS. His 4th B-day was Dec. 22nd. I didn't want to try to deal with it during the Holidays. And we were going to Hawaii in Feb. I decided that would be it. The Trip. After the Trip we'd be done. But he wasn't done then. And he told me so. We started talking about a weaning party. There started to be whole 24hour periods where he would not nurse. Then 48, then 72. He started going to bed with my DH. So like 5 nights a week the evening session disappeared. So He was nursing Tues and Thurs Mornings. And Sat and Sun. And Wed and Fridays we weren't nursing at all. Because those were school days and I would pick him up in Pacifica and he'd fall asleep in the car on the way home. So you see those large chunks of time developing? He'd nurse Tues morning and then not nurse again until Thurs morning. Nurse Thurs morning and then usually not again until Sat morning. Mondays we'd sometimes nurse in the afternoon after I would work in his school with him all day. Because we would still NAP on Mondays! I'd nurse him then and Sat and Sunday mornings. All of this time I was no longer going to bed with him at night. On Thursday, Sat and Sun mornings I would crawl into bed with him in the morning. He began to talk about where his weaning party would be. Chuckie Cheese was the coveted location. He grew ambivalent about it. He'd ask to nurse and put up no fight when the answer was no. He would ask and then tell himself no. When June rolled around we discussed the party and also we decided that I would get a tatoo. A picture to memorialize it. I did that right before the 22nd. The 22nd was the end. He had three "relapses" after that. I cherished and allowed them all. And I thought about it and appreciated every time. In Aug when he has not had a "relapse" in 30 day we have a party. Here is a link to the thread about that day.http://forums.llli.org/showthread.ph...Day&highlight=

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    112

    Default Re: Not sure what to do

    Thanks so much for sharing djs.mom. But what did your family think? Did they know? My husband has been great but even he is starting to get freaked out. So far Dane's (my son) journey mirrors you son"s. 40 months and nuring between 2-4 times a day. He can go with out it. I think I would be happy if our nursing relationship ended like yours did. But I don't know if I can take the critisim. I feel like a I sound like a wuss. I know I should just do what I know is right for me and my son, but it's hard. I LOVE THIS FORUM and don't know what I would do with out it. I try to tell my family I am not the only one but it's like they don't believe me.
    Did this for 9months with Kailey and Hailey
    who are now 8.

    weaned Dane somewhere around 3.5 no longer he likes to sleep with his sisters He's now 5

    Now I am , , My baby Cruz who is almost 6 months and my last baby

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,406

    Default Re: Not sure what to do

    Of course my family was a little skeeved by it. As were other people who knew if they did. I was skeeved out by the idea of nursing a 4 year old before I was doing it. But it never occurred to me to NOT do it because of other peoples ignorance. My child will be 6 next week. He remembers nursing. He remembers his weaning party and it's a great source of pride for him. Much like any graduation is for a child. He talks to people about it. Letting him walk away on his terms, was a conscious choice for me. To get to where we got to and have it go down any other way... I don't know how you feel but for me that would have been ridiculous. I didn't nurse to the point where I could actually discuss it with my child and allow him to feel empowered by being an equal participant in the decision making process to then let that process and decision be dictated by outsiders. That relationship was between me and my child. Since my DH actively involved in the process for the last 6 months by taking him to co-sleep WITHOUT me, he also felt empowered and part of the process. So I got no flack from him.
    Who care if people believe you? Why is having their approval important to the process? You now know your sister is disturbed by it. What does that mean in the grand scheme of things? I would be disturbed if my sister used formula. Does it mean I'd stop talking to her? Or having a relationship with her? No. Does it mean that for you? It doesn't seem like it. It seems like it's thing that they will probably never be able to identify with because they are all doing LESS THAN the recommended length of time. I think this falls squarely into the category of a parenting decision. And sometimes we make different calls than other people in our family. I have no problem standing tall in that.

    Way too lazy for formula

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,467

    Default Re: Not sure what to do

    I replied to your other thread but this brings up a good point, people will ALWAYS have a different parenting style than you, nursing may simply be the first instance, but you will have to stick up for what you decide is best for your child a million times as they age. Don't cave into someone else's idea of how to parent YOUR child.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    112

    Default Re: Not sure what to do

    Thanks so much for all the comments. I have told my sisters that I have done my research and they are not going to change my mind. It doesn't make me too mad because I know they really do believe it weird and messed up and I shouldn't be doing it. Being the oldest I wish they would realize that I know what I am talking about. Mostly we don't discuss it but evey now and then they feel they need to tell me it's wrong. I guess I will politely let them now its not up for discussion and I probalby won't be having them over for movies anymore. It's been difficult because I am so close to my sisters and usually talk to them about everything, but I can't share my feelings about nursing a toddler because they don't except them. I understand I thought it was kind of crazy too before I did it. But like some of you pointed out our parenting styles different and it did make me sad when they weaned early for reasons that were purely their own and not based on their babies needs. But I kept my mouth shut and let them do what they felt was right and they need to give me this same respect. Thanks again for all your support it means the world. I had a good talk with my husband today and also sat and read Maggie's Weaning to my son. We discussed weaning and if he would like a party and discussed where it would be. I explained to my husband with Dane starting preschool we would probably start nursing even less and I am actively weaning. But like some have you have stated this is a relationship between my son and I and I am not going to push to hard before he is ready. It's really awesome to be able to talk to your nursling and understand why it's so important to them. I wouldn't change anything about the nursing relationship my son and I have had. It only makes me wish I could have breastfed the twins for longer. Thanks again this forum is seriously my therapy.
    Did this for 9months with Kailey and Hailey
    who are now 8.

    weaned Dane somewhere around 3.5 no longer he likes to sleep with his sisters He's now 5

    Now I am , , My baby Cruz who is almost 6 months and my last baby

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