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Thread: Know of any stay-at-home mommy forums?

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    466

    Default Re: Know of any stay-at-home mommy forum

    just wanted to say thank you for this thread--thank you OP and all the other posters. i feel the same way and i've only been a mom for 8 months. i'm technically a WAHM but i'm finding it almost impossible to work and take care of LO. i feel completely drained, physically and mentally. i haven't had any time away from LO in the past... i think... 4 or 5 months. i love her to death and i am very attached to her, but i'm finding it hard. it's like i don't know who i am anymore. and some days i feel bitter or resentful even though DH is supportive and helps as much as he can. but you know, i can't even type a full answer to this thread b/c LO is here and demands attention. before i go back to her... i wanted to say that at least i find comfort in reading your experiences and sharing mine with you.
    march 2011... the light of my life

    i love my little one

  2. #12

    Default Re: Know of any stay-at-home mommy forum

    I would go to the meetup groups/wherever you can find moms and make a mom friend. It makes a huge difference to have someone who can come over and talk to you while your kids play and you do dishes or whatever. Also you can take turns watching each other's kids on the days you need to get out. That way you are fostering relationships for you, your kids, and both of you reap the benefits.

    My in home daycare sitter used to have her friends come over or meet her at the park with their kids during the day. I was totally okay with that. Those WAHM have to be the loneliest ones ever, and they have extra kids making messes!
    Carmen-Noel mum to James born naturally 8/28/2010.
    Mommy's little pumpkin head


    We love our amber necklace from @llli*expat-mum. PM her for the most beautiful effective teething aide we've found!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Northeast Pennsylvania
    Posts
    90

    Default Re: Know of any stay-at-home mommy forum

    Thank you for all of the responses. It is nice to hear that other moms are feeling the same way.

    Prior to becoming a mommy I worked a very stressful position at a University that required me to work overtime on a daily basis. Instead of working the required 35 salaried hours, I always put in at least 50. Well, after I had my daughter I tried to resume working a PT schedule from home but I soon fell very ill. My boss continued to give me a FT workload when I was only supposed to be working 20 hours a week. To make a long story short, I tried to keep up with the work but with also taking care of a newborn I fell ill. I started to sleepwalk and grind my teeth in my sleep. I became very forgetful and was afraid I was losing my mind because I would often wake up in the middle of the night somewhere in my house and have no clue how I got there. I actually woke up once to my dog barking outside...I guess I tied her out while sleepwalking. My husband said that I would sit up in my sleep and sob while sleeping...when he asked what was wrong I said I had to feed the baby. In addition to trying to deal with work...my daughter was spitting up a lot so I called her doctor who told me I was over-feeding her and to start timing my breastfeeding sessions at 15 minutes. I followed the doctors orders and my baby went from a healthy thriving newborn to losing weight rapidly while screaming all night long (she was no longer getting the hind milk but I had no clue what was happening at the time). Because of this my supply plummetted. My daughter's weight dropped below her birth weight and I was told that I had to supplement with a high-cal formula or risk her having cognitive issues. I did give her the formula but I mixed it with the breast milk because I refused to give up. The formula seemed to make her spit up even more and she now started to fall asleep whenever I nursed her (probably because of my supply). I went to a lactation specialist for help and right before feeling like I had no options left my mommy mind kicked in and I said...I am NOT giving up! I would lay on the couch with my daughter and keep switch nursing...from 1 minute on each side to 2 minutes on each side...whatever it took to keep her awake and keep her eating. I didn't know what else to do. Then 1 minute grew to 2 minutes and slowly she started eating longer without falling asleep. I started to take Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle daily and Mother's Milk tea occasionally. All in all...through many tears and prayers I eventually got my daughter completely on breast milk and tried to deal with my stress about my job which at the same time was also affecting my supply and causing me to get blocked ducts.

    I confronted work, they didn't care I was sick and told me to see my doctor. My doctor couldn't believe how sick I was and put me on short term disability and recommended that I see a counselor. After 5 months of counseling (I refused to take meds while breastfeeding) I realized that I could no longer do my job as it was and my work was not willing to cut back on what was requested. I actually worked intil midnight the night before I was to be induced and I had to be at the hospital at 5am the next morning.

    So, my husband and I decided to make it work on one income with some cutbacks. I told work I was not returning to the office and not even a week later my husband lost his job. Fortunately my husband found another job relatively quickly...but it does not pay as much as his old job and health insurance is too expensive for my daughter and I so we had to go and get our own policy.

    So...now...I am at home trying to be the best mommy I could be. My personality requires me to push myself as hard as I can while my body no longer allows that on limited sleep. Our current income doesn't cover all debts (we have an investment property that will be a life saver when we can finally rent it out...however, my husband's 90+ year old grandma lives there now rent free. It was her house before she sold it to us).

    So, I feel like I need to bring in money for our family but honestly have no clue how I could add any more to my day. I love photography and would like to pursue it more but I need time to work with my camera more before I feel 100% comfortable advertising for new clients.


    As Christmas draws near I try to remember the many blessings in my life. My daughter will be 16 months on Christmas Day and we are still breastfeeding. It was sooo hard but I would never have changed it for the world...my daughter was worth every effort.

    But, as my first post read...now I have the stress of trying to find a way to bring in money so we can stop living off of our savings...and to be the best mom I could be and not get sick again for taking on too much. All while never getting any help from any family.

    Sorry if I "talked" your ear off but it is comforting to hear that other moms relate. I do try to spend some time with one other stay-at-home mommy but our parenting styles are very different. She gave her daughter chocolate at 3-4 months, lets her chew on her car keys and random items (that she is not buying) on shopping trips and loves to just feed my daughter snacks and stuff at will while trying to wedge her hand in my daughters mouth to see if she has as many teeth as my daughter (without washing her hands first). She is very sweet...but, she can be a bit overbearing and I do not want to be rude since I really like her.

    All I can say is that as stay-at-home mommas...we need to keep our heads up and chug along. Just hoping the New Year is a bit easier!

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    251

    Default Re: Know of any stay-at-home mommy forum

    I'm sorry to hear what a difficult situation your family has had, but I'm glad your husband found another job right away. We're also living partially off of savings, getting just a little further behind every month. For me that is a worse feeling than any aggravation related to parenting. We finally made the decision to try to sell our house and move closer to DH's job to save on commuting expenses. It's a big change that (if we are actually able to sell) we feel will lighten the load substantially and lead to a more harmonious existence in general. In the meantime, I try to remember all the little things I do to bring value to the family, monetary or otherwise. Of course, being able to mother my own child full-time is priceless for me, but more specifically, cooking frugal meals, cloth diapering, comparison shopping, mending things rather than buying new, etc saves on expenses. There are lots of specific things I can do being a SAHM that I wouldn't have time to do if I worked that saves the family money. Remembering this helps me feel better about the situation and less guilty that I'm not bringing in as much money as my husband.

    As far as the photography goes, I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I have the seed of a business in my head, as well, though it feels like I'll never be able to actively pursue it when DD is as needy as she is at this point in her life (she's 15 months, too!) Right now, I'm attempting to start up WAHM diaper making operations and I've found it is somewhat challenging to find the time and money to do it. What works for me is dividing my tasks into things I can do while Lizzie is awake and things I must do while she is sleeping. For example, I cannot sit at the sewing machine while she's awake because she wants to climb up on my lap and see what I'm doing, so I do that part while she's sleeping. I can, however, cut fabric and match up pattern pieces while she's awake because I can do that at the table, which is not nearly as interesting to her. I don't feel bad using her nap time to get some work done, because I am energized by accomplishing something. And I'm often working through ideas in my head while we're just doing everyday things. I don't know how this would translate into photography. Can you practice taking shots of your LO (action shots, I guess they'd have to be)? Can you bring your camera with you on walks and practice then? I'm not sure what all is involved with that kind of work, but I'd just recommend seeing if you can do tiny chunks of it at a time. Don't let go of it, though!!! It's so important to have goals, to be working towards something.

    Have you asked for help from your family? You say they don't help out, but maybe they don't realize how much you need their help. I had to stop feeling guilty asking my parents and in-laws to watch DD sometimes so I can do my other work as a musician. Generally, family wants to help, but they may just be waiting for an invitation.

    Well, DD woke up so that's all for now. I agree that what you are feeling is totally normal. We all need to recharge our batteries and you should expect that and make it clear to your husband that you need it. If you lived by me, I'd invite you over for some relax time. And I wouldn't even feed your baby chocolate. Good luck!
    -Hannah

    SAHM-WAHM to lovely Lizzie, born at home 9/14/2010


  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Northeast Pennsylvania
    Posts
    90

    Default Re: Know of any stay-at-home mommy forum

    Thanks Hannah! I have actually asked my mom, dad, aunts and uncles, cousins and other family members to stop by any time they have time to play with my daughter Lucy a bit. They all just tell me they are busy. My mom and dad (who are divorced and my mom is remarried) were both at my house for Thanksgiving dinner which I cooked for everyone. Do you know that they did not even stay for dessert...they basically ate and left. My husband and my daughter were all that reamined to eat dessert and clean up. I try so hard and it just breaks my heart. My mom teased me for years about having a baby (she had me at 22 and I had my daughter at 31)...I never thought she would be like this. It is sad but I honestly don't know if I even trust my mom with her anymore. My mom had made comments that make me second guess her judgement. She told me that she would leave me at home in my play pen while she went to other houses to do people's hair (she is a beautician) and gave me a hard time when I told her I would not stop by her house one day with the stroller...it was about to rain and I wanted to get home. She was upset because she said that I could have just held my daughter in the car the few blocks from her house to mine. I basically looked at her and said...unless their is a tornado or some other emergency that I cannot avoid...I am not travelling with my daughter in a vehicle without her being in a car seat. And...the few times she did stop by she refused to change a diaper. Is that not insane?
    My last conversation with her was a few weeks ago and I asked her (now that she is working less hours) if she could stop by from time to time to see Lucy, her granddaughter. She said she has been busy. So I called her out on it and said...you say you are busy yet you go to the casino and visit two of your friends at least twice a week. You can't stop by and see your granddaughter for 15 minutes? She hasn't spoken to me since.
    I try so hard to fit in photography but taking care of everyone else always seems to come first. I have always been so independent and I have always had a job my whole life...so, feeling dependent is really hard on me.
    I do not do cloth diapering...I thought about it but never got into it. I do cut coupons though and buy all of our diapers on sale...as well as all of our food on sale. I watch the coupons shows and I do well but I never take home the amount of stuff they do. I have saved up to $100 with coupons and store discounts but it takes me about 2-3 hours of time a week to keep up with the coupons. I feel like I have to do it though to help our family.
    We do not go out to eat, I buy most of our clothes at a thrift shop unless I find really good sales at a store and I try to cut corners wherever I can. Even though my husband has been telling me that I need to buy some new clothes for myself since I think he can tell that some of my old dingy clothes need to go and I need new stuff to fit my new casual "job". I have a closet full of dress pants and blouses from work and I have quite a few pairs of sweatpants but not much in between.
    I just want to feel like myself again. I used to have hobbies (photography, web and graphic design, jewelry making) but now I do everthing for everyone else and nothing for me. I keep saying that it will get better some day and I would never give up this opportunity to be at home with Lucy. I just wish that other people who are not at home could realize how truly difficult it is to be a SAHM. On a positive note, I just signed my daughter up for a parent/child workshop at the library that starts in January. I took her to storytime during the last session and both of us really had a great time getting out of the house and mingling with our peers...all at no cost.
    Thank you for the comments everyone...it means a lot to me to know others feel the same way. << Hugs >>

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