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Thread: Formula given without consent

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    67

    Default Formula given without consent

    I need help in calming down. I left dd with MIL and I told her to call me if DD is acting fussy. well MIL didn't call me and gave her 2oz of newborn formula from 6 months ago because she thought she was hungry. I fed dd in front of her a 1/4 of banana and nursed her before I left. I was gone a hour and a half only. she never even called me. I know she was only trying to help...but y Feed her.

    I am sure DD will be okay even though it was old formula. But I am made and she knows it.
    born 8lbs 12oz 21 inches
    Left hospital after c/s 8lbs 6 oz
    1 week old- 8lbs 6 oz
    2 weeks old- 8lbs 11 oz
    1 month- 9lbs 11 oz
    2 months 8/2/11- 12lbs 5 oz
    3 months- 14lbs even
    4 months-16lbs even
    6 months- 18lbs 6oz
    8 months-21lbs on home scale
    9 months-22lbs and 13 ouz
    11 months- ?
    12th months June 2
    Can't believe I have made it 11 1/2 months of nursing!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,616

    Default Re: Formula given without consent

    Baby's gonna be okay, mama. And you're going to be okay- as long as you don't go to prison after whacking your MIL on the head with a frying pan. Seriously, she did something that was both boneheaded and disrespectful, and you are allowed to feel mad about it. IDK if it's worth a confrontation- you know your MIL and I don't- but if you have any more formula in the house I suggest chucking it. Remove the temptation and granny won't make the same mistake again.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    2,612

    Default Re: Formula given without consent

    I would be really really angry too but your baby will be OK. I'd throw out the extra formula (unless you have some unopened in which case I'd suggest donating it to a foster care family/center or food bank). You can at least tell MIL that your baby doesn't need any milk except what comes from you and that it's really important to you but you know how she'd react better than we would.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    818

    Default Re: Formula given without consent

    wow I'd be really angry too!! ugh old formula i agree with the pps about getting rid of temptation. MIL gave us bottles as gifts and I would always hide them when she came over! I actually was nutso enough to make her a list of ok foods when I was gone so she wouldn't go and give my 6mo mashed potatoes with heavy cream and butter when the kid was not supposed to have dairy..that sort of thing. I was polite about it, but still, I don't understand why they don't listen either..
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
    Mami de mi preciosa Elenita
    http://forums.llli.org/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=32384&dateline=131170  7429 OakRoseCharms Free Shipping for LLLadies just pm me! My Blog

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: Formula given without consent

    I agree with you. I would be livid too.

    You said that you're sure that she knows you're mad. How do you know? Is that enough for you? If you feel that it's enough, then let it go. If you don't, then confront her calmly.

    Personally, I wouldn't leave my baby with her again. At least not while she was little. Trust means the world when it comes to our children. Not only did she go against your wishes (formula), she also went against your direct instructions to call you. I've had trust issues with MIL (that she has well earned and re-earned ). She has yet to watch DD1 who is now over 3 years old. Until she earns it back (that means actual effort, not just ignoring it and hoping time will cause me to forget), she won't be watching either of the girls, or my baby that's on the way.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Shakedown St.
    Posts
    1,176

    Default Re: Formula given without consent

    Definitely get rid of the formula. It seems possible that your MIL just didn't want to bother you while you were out, saw that you had some formula, and assumed that it was okay. If the formula wasn't there, she might have called like you asked. Don't get me wrong, I would be upset too.

    Perhaps you could leave a small 1.5-2 ounce bottle of expressed milk the next time you leave for a short time. That way she has a small amount to give your baby in case she needs it, but it's not enough that you would need to stress out about pumping to replace a full feeding. I've done that for my husband when I've run out to the store and didn't think X would be hungry, but wanted to make sure that he had a little something just in case he needed it.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    67

    Default Re: Formula given without consent

    y mil knows I am mad because imwas at her house and when imcame in imgrabbed the kids and left. She commented to my son mommy is mad at me. I had one bottle from when she was a week old in my bag because I was suffering from cracked nipples and thought just in case I will carry this until I heal and i did and never used it but just never threw it out. My diaper bag is one big mess. Mil is obese And Thinks food solves all problems. I will not leave her again..lesson learned until sheis bigger. Thing is she breasted her two children and understands aboutnnot using formula so I don't know why she did. Ugh hh. My mil is really great so. Have to find a way to move pass this...but. Told her son this is unacceptable and I am mad. If she would have called me I would have been back in ten friggin minutes. Now I look like the bad guy!!! Wtf. Husband is telling me I have to understand shenwas trying to help...
    born 8lbs 12oz 21 inches
    Left hospital after c/s 8lbs 6 oz
    1 week old- 8lbs 6 oz
    2 weeks old- 8lbs 11 oz
    1 month- 9lbs 11 oz
    2 months 8/2/11- 12lbs 5 oz
    3 months- 14lbs even
    4 months-16lbs even
    6 months- 18lbs 6oz
    8 months-21lbs on home scale
    9 months-22lbs and 13 ouz
    11 months- ?
    12th months June 2
    Can't believe I have made it 11 1/2 months of nursing!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    4,007

    Default Re: Formula given without consent

    Tell your husband that understanding that she was trying to help doesn't take away the anger. You're allowed to be angry.
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: Formula given without consent

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sch.mommy View Post
    Tell your husband that understanding that she was trying to help doesn't take away the anger. You're allowed to be angry.
    I hate it when people tell me "not to be upset". Oh look at that! It's like a switch! I'm not upset anymore just because you told me not to.

    You ARE allowed to be angry. You ARE allowed to expect your husband to be telling his Mother that she owes you an apology. While she didn't intend on upsetting you, she did and she needs to acknowledge that (or you at least, you're okay in expecting that, even if you don't get it). It doesn't mean you'll get an apology, you'll have to work through that on your own.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    67

    Default Re: Formula given without consent

    I so did not get any apology or even saying she was wrong. She said to me is dd okay, I said yes, so she said nom harm done...its over. I proceeded to tell her u should have called me and she said she did but my hubbynpicked up b.c she dialed the wrong number. But when she needs to track me down for other reasons she sure as he'll knows my number.

    My solution from now on is she will not be left with her. She can't be trusted to do as imsay and I am not asking a lot. Ughhhhhh!!!!
    born 8lbs 12oz 21 inches
    Left hospital after c/s 8lbs 6 oz
    1 week old- 8lbs 6 oz
    2 weeks old- 8lbs 11 oz
    1 month- 9lbs 11 oz
    2 months 8/2/11- 12lbs 5 oz
    3 months- 14lbs even
    4 months-16lbs even
    6 months- 18lbs 6oz
    8 months-21lbs on home scale
    9 months-22lbs and 13 ouz
    11 months- ?
    12th months June 2
    Can't believe I have made it 11 1/2 months of nursing!!

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