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Thread: Give me a BREAK!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    Ste. Genevieve, MO
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    39

    Default Give me a BREAK!

    I'm exhausted.

    I feel guilty and happy at the same time.

    There are so many mixed emotions I have from tandem nursing.

    I work 40 hours/wk (not counting the long drive to and from work everyday). As soon as I walk in the door I have to use the bathroom. My toddler follows me with her arms out and stands next to me while I'm on the toilet and helps herself to "ninny". I tell her "Not now" and she has a tantrum. If I shut and lock the door, she sceams and has a worse tantrum beating on the door the entire time "Mommy NInny!"

    I hate coming in and feeling like I have to hurry up and go to the bathroom and get a drink because the rest of the day I'm going to be PINNED DOWN by both of the kids...

    Welcome Home MOMMY!

    I feel guilty if I don't let her nurse. She misses me so much while I'm gone. I love that I can offer that to her, and since I HAVE to feed my son whose life depends on it (6 month old), I might as well feed my 2.5 yr old too so that I don't feel more guilty by leaving her out.

    I have tried to shake things up and "play potty" (since she is out of diapers) with her, put games in front of the toilet so she will be distracted... But her mind is made up. Her and my son scream as soon as I walk in the door. My husband even waits outside the bathroom door waiting to hand over my son while my daughter sceams or nurses while I am getting business done on the toilet.

    As soon as I get done going to the bathroom, I take off my shirt, lay down on the bed and wait for my husband to hand me my son and my toddler climbs up the bed and he brings me a glass of water. This is my day. My toddler nurses more than a newborn and my son is only an infant... I love that I can give them this. It makes me feel less guilty about having to be away from them for work.... but I am so tired. I miss my hobbies, and my poor husband misses me. If he even touches me, I push him away and tell him I need space. I feel used.

    Clarify my feelings... Are they normal?
    Anyone else having mixed emotions about work, nursing, or their relationship w/ DH?
    BF'ing + pumping (working full time as BFPC) CD'ing , baby wearing , mother of an intact son , co-sleeping , and tandem nursing toddler... Plus I wear deodorant.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,538

    Default Re: Give me a BREAK!

    I don't have any BTDT advice but you deserve a glass of wine and a no touch internet hug
    Autumn
    Moma to *Silas* 10-30-07

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Southern NM
    Posts
    712

    Default Re: Give me a BREAK!

    Completely normal. I try to always go to the bathroom before I leave school just so I can safely walk in the house and get the baby. I have been known to sneak into the house so I can get to the potty before the baby figures out I am home.

    And your husband waiting outside the bathroom with the baby? I don't think so.

    I think you need to have a discussion with your husband about what you are feeling and figure out how he can help you get some space at home. I have told my husband that it is easier for me to push him away than the kids, even if it is not the best for our relationship.

    Hang in there.
    I am Erin--happily married to the nerd of my dreams for 15 years
    High School Science Teacher
    Mother to: Thing 1 9/23/01, bf 15 mo, diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma 1/29/02, officially cancer free for ten years in August 2012
    Thing 2 6/6/05, bf 12 mo, obsessed with dynamite
    Glowworm 2/18/11, bf 15 months and counting

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: Give me a BREAK!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*scienceteachermommy View Post
    I think you need to have a discussion with your husband about what you are feeling and figure out how he can help you get some space at home. I have told my husband that it is easier for me to push him away than the kids, even if it is not the best for our relationship.
    I can only imagine your feelings are 500% normal. Nursing ONE child makes me feel like that sometimes!

    That said, I also think maybe you could talk to your DH about helping with that tense first 10 minutes home. Jeez. Gotta pee in peace! My DH talks up how mommy needs to use the bathroom, get a snack, and THEN will sit and snuggle with baby. He distracts and helps so that I can get my 10 minutes. There is still whining sometimes, but NOT having mom is the routine, rather than having her, just for those minutes, so it's not so bad?


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    19,923

    Default Re: Give me a BREAK!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*joe.s.mom View Post
    I can only imagine your feelings are 500% normal. Nursing ONE child makes me feel like that sometimes!

    That said, I also think maybe you could talk to your DH about helping with that tense first 10 minutes home. Jeez. Gotta pee in peace! My DH talks up how mommy needs to use the bathroom, get a snack, and THEN will sit and snuggle with baby. He distracts and helps so that I can get my 10 minutes. There is still whining sometimes, but NOT having mom is the routine, rather than having her, just for those minutes, so it's not so bad?


    My DH is always telling me how hard it is to come in from work and plunge right into being a daddy when all he wants to do is decompress and take a shower. And it's not like he has to nurse the children when he gets home- he just has to give them uppies and hugs and endure their screeching.

    IMO, your DH has to distract the kids for 5 minutes so you can pee and change out of work clothes or do whatever you need to do to transition to being a nursing mommy. Is there any way for you to sneak into the house unnoticed, so that you don't get pounced on the moment you walk through the door?
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Southern NM
    Posts
    712

    Default Re: Give me a BREAK!

    Of course even with older kids, getting quiet bathroom time is a problem.

    Usual dialogue in my house:

    DD/DS1: MOMMY! MOMMY! Daddy, where's Mommy?
    DH: Probably where she is whenever you can't find her.
    Me: (I am hiding in the bathroom.)

    DD once asked me why it took me so long in the potty. I can't, however, close the bathroom door because the kitties will start scratching at the door--and I always let the kitties in.

    On a more serious note, you might start your discussion with your DH by figuring out what you would like your arrival home to be like. Then you can figure out what both of you need to do to get there.

    And my previous virtual hugs were completely non-touching, respecting your personal space hugs.
    I am Erin--happily married to the nerd of my dreams for 15 years
    High School Science Teacher
    Mother to: Thing 1 9/23/01, bf 15 mo, diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma 1/29/02, officially cancer free for ten years in August 2012
    Thing 2 6/6/05, bf 12 mo, obsessed with dynamite
    Glowworm 2/18/11, bf 15 months and counting

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Ste. Genevieve, MO
    Posts
    39

    Default Re: Give me a BREAK!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lidarln View Post
    I don't have any BTDT advice but you deserve a glass of wine and a no touch internet hug
    I'll take both! Thank you.
    BF'ing + pumping (working full time as BFPC) CD'ing , baby wearing , mother of an intact son , co-sleeping , and tandem nursing toddler... Plus I wear deodorant.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Ste. Genevieve, MO
    Posts
    39

    Default Re: Give me a BREAK!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*scienceteachermommy View Post
    Completely normal. I try to always go to the bathroom before I leave school just so I can safely walk in the house and get the baby. I have been known to sneak into the house so I can get to the potty before the baby figures out I am home.

    And your husband waiting outside the bathroom with the baby? I don't think so.

    I think you need to have a discussion with your husband about what you are feeling and figure out how he can help you get some space at home. I have told my husband that it is easier for me to push him away than the kids, even if it is not the best for our relationship.

    Hang in there.
    Thank you for the encouraging words.
    BF'ing + pumping (working full time as BFPC) CD'ing , baby wearing , mother of an intact son , co-sleeping , and tandem nursing toddler... Plus I wear deodorant.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Ste. Genevieve, MO
    Posts
    39

    Default Re: Give me a BREAK!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*joe.s.mom View Post
    I can only imagine your feelings are 500% normal. Nursing ONE child makes me feel like that sometimes!

    That said, I also think maybe you could talk to your DH about helping with that tense first 10 minutes home. Jeez. Gotta pee in peace! My DH talks up how mommy needs to use the bathroom, get a snack, and THEN will sit and snuggle with baby. He distracts and helps so that I can get my 10 minutes. There is still whining sometimes, but NOT having mom is the routine, rather than having her, just for those minutes, so it's not so bad?
    Hahaha "Gotta Pee in Peace".... I like that! I haven't tried using that one yet lol.
    BF'ing + pumping (working full time as BFPC) CD'ing , baby wearing , mother of an intact son , co-sleeping , and tandem nursing toddler... Plus I wear deodorant.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Ste. Genevieve, MO
    Posts
    39

    Default Re: Give me a BREAK!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post


    My DH is always telling me how hard it is to come in from work and plunge right into being a daddy when all he wants to do is decompress and take a shower. And it's not like he has to nurse the children when he gets home- he just has to give them uppies and hugs and endure their screeching.

    IMO, your DH has to distract the kids for 5 minutes so you can pee and change out of work clothes or do whatever you need to do to transition to being a nursing mommy. Is there any way for you to sneak into the house unnoticed, so that you don't get pounced on the moment you walk through the door?
    Hmmmm, I think my kids watch the clock. That is a good suggestion though. I will ask him to see what he thinks. It might help for my toddler. That would be a good break. Thank you.
    BF'ing + pumping (working full time as BFPC) CD'ing , baby wearing , mother of an intact son , co-sleeping , and tandem nursing toddler... Plus I wear deodorant.

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