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Thread: How to cope with judgement?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
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    429

    Default How to cope with judgement?

    I breastfed my first DD for 13 months. I planned to go for 18 but she self weaning at 13. And now, knowing even MORE of the benefits of BFing long term I want to BF my DD2 (13 weeks) for at least 18 months if not 2 years or more. Basically as long as she wants. All of my family is very very supportive of BFing. But they all figure a year is good. That its not really necessary after that. I've shared some facts and articles with them but I know that as I keep going that they will start to wonder when I will wean and pressure me. I am just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to stay strong and be able to ignore them?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    SoCal
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    6,467

    Default Re: How to cope with judgement?

    In the end you have to believe that you're doing what is best for your child, that makes things easier because you know what negativity there is is uninformed BS. Have some short facts in mind the WHO statements etc but just tell people this is what is best for your family and to be supportive or keep opinions to themselves.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: How to cope with judgement?

    When Joe was a newborn, I usually just shrugged and said I'd nurse for at least a year, then we'd see. A year came, and I kept nursing. I did get some comments, and if I didn't want to deal with it, I'd just say I was weaning, but gradually (true, technically - really gradually!). By 2, Joe rarely nursed in public, so it wasn't something I had to deal with very much.

    Everyone has their own way. I'm just saying, one option is to take it one day at a time. And to tell people just that - "I'm taking it one day at a time." If people asked me when I would wean Joe, I'd say, "Well, not this week!"


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
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    429

    Default Re: How to cope with judgement?

    Thanks girls! That does make me feel a bit better. Especially about just taking it one day at a time. I've already said I plan to breastfeed for 18 months, so they all are expecting that. If it's awkward for them then I'll just go in another room. I wish I had pushed DD1 to keep breastfeeding when she self weaned at 13 months but I figured if that's what she wanted I wasn't going to push it. I wish I had at least kept pumping and giving her the milk in a sippy cup. I know I'll do that with DD2 for sure. Thank you !

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Canada
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    Default Re: How to cope with judgement?

    How old is your DD1? If you're wanting her to have the benefits of your milk now, you could always still pump and give it to her cold, in a cup. Although depending on her age, she might not take it. I did that for my nearly 2yo, after DS2 was born for almost a year.
    I agree with taking things one day at a time. And if you don't want to deal with ignorant comments or explaining things over and over, you don't have to let people know that you're still nursing. I'm still nursing my DS2, who's nearly 3 and I think a lot of people assumed that I've weaned him, because he only nurses once a day (never in public). My better friends know that he's still nursing and are totally supportive. But if my stepdad for example, knew that B was still nursing, I'm sure he'd be judgemental about it.

    It's your business. People don't have to like how you parent your children. You're doing what you think is best, and that's all that matters.
    Mommy to L - May 7, 07' , B - February 7, 09' , and R - August 18, 12'

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: How to cope with judgement?

    I became fiercely protective of my BFing. I was ready to jump on anyone who questioned what I was doing or why. I think part of it was paranoia. I had made what I felt were the best decisions for my child and I was sticking to them!

    It got to the point where people would *****-foot around me if the topic came up. No one knew when DD1 weaned. No one knows that DD2 is now weaned. It was none of their business. I equate it to someone asking how often you have sex or how much money you make. HIGHLY personal and none of their damned business! If someone did ask the specific question of "When are you going to wean?" My answer was "When we're ready." and left it at that.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    429

    Default Re: How to cope with judgement?

    DD1 will be 3 in January. I have actually tried giving it to her in a cup but she won't drink it. Shw won't drink regular milk either. Any suggestions? I'd love her to drink it. Soooo many benefits!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Canada
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    1,096

    Default Re: How to cope with judgement?

    What about sneaking it into stuff? Smoothies? Maybe make mom-sicles?
    Mommy to L - May 7, 07' , B - February 7, 09' , and R - August 18, 12'

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,653

    Default Re: How to cope with judgement?

    If you plan to go to 18 months I bet you'll end up missing that goal and going LONGER!

    When you don't have family support, you can educate them, using resources like these:
    http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...6/ai_20135603/
    http://aappolicy.aappublications.org...rics;115/2/496

    Or you can ignore them, using the bean dip strategy:
    Unsuprtive relative: "Gah! you're still doing that?!"
    You: "Yes. Now please pass the bean dip."
    Unsupportive relative: "But that's gross!"
    You: "It's also not up for discussion. Pease pass the bean dip."

    Or you can confront them:
    Unsupportive relative: "I can't believe you're still nursing!"
    You: "Wow, you seem to be really interested in what I do with my breasts. Why is that?"
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: How to cope with judgement?

    I've also shut people down with firm, confident ENTHUSIASM. "Wow, you're still nursing?" "Yes, we LOVE it." Silence. (But see, my relatives are pretty polite people. Some people would jump on that. Luckily, mine don't. In fact, I've heard a lot of awkward, "Oh! That's lovely.")

    I don't really preach to people about it, I just change the subject. I figure it's better to lead by example than to talk people's ears off. A lot of women are critical of breastfeeding because they feel bad about their own breastfeeding experiences, and I sympathize with that, so I don't see how me being judgy would help. Of course, there are lots of people who don't have those experiences and are still awful about it. For them, I shrug and say "To each their own, right?" I don't think I'm going to convert them, so let's just agree to disagree.

    This is me, though. I'm not going to talk about breastfeeding over holiday dinner. Please pass the bean dip.

    The good part is that I do get genuinely curious and nice questions sometimes, and those, I like to answer.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

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