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Thread: What do I say?

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
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    4,984

    Default Re: What do I say?

    I completely agree that if you can, you should leave MOSTLY fresh, with only frozen as a backup. Freezing kills some of the good qualities in the milk, as well as making it less portable. I would give it to her in the morning when you drop off DD, and if someone else does the drop off, send the milk in a small cooler with them. Make it part of the routine. When your mom sees that it's a lot easier to warm up and deal with during the day, she might change her mind. I would pump straight into a bottle, so all you had to do was screw on a nipple top, set it in a yogurt container of hot tap water, wait a few minutes, feed. Lots easier for everyone involved, really. And healthier!


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    130

    Default Re: What do I say?

    I am not questioning anyone's advice that has been given, just trying to understand. 1) Does it make me a bad person giving frozen BM? 2) What is lost when it is frozen?

    I am new to all of this and I want to learn what I can! I only have two friends to successfully BF for a year so I'm limited as to different experiences and advice. My DH's mom and sisters BF for 6 weeks I think but they complained non stop and thought nothing of it when they quit because it wasn't easy enough.
    Addison Nicole changed my world on June 21, 2011
    12:33 pm
    7 lb 4 oz
    19"


    EBF 11.5 months!

    Sadie Lynn completed our family on August 7, 2013
    12:46 pm
    8 lb (even)

    20.5"

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    In Peace
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    2,923

    Default Re: What do I say?

    You are not a bad person giving frozen bm!!! It still has lots of good properties that no other infant food has. As for the other question, I don't know.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    278

    Default Re: What do I say?

    Of course you're not a bad person!

    It does kill some of the antibodies when you freeze it though. But if you have no choice but to use frozen milk it's way better than formula. The pp's were just saying if you can avoid it, using frozen milk everyday isn't the best option.
    Mama to five beautiful kids- 9, 8, 3, 2 and currently nursing our new baby girl born 1/20/2013


    "It should not be necessary to tell reasonably intelligent mammals to suckle and not dismember their neonates." ~Susan Blustein

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: What do I say?

    You aren't bad for giving frozen milk. It is still a better source of nutrition than formula.

    However, freezing kills some of the immunololgical properties of breastmilk. It could change other things about the milk as well. And there is zero research on how exposure to light, air, etc, affects the nutrition of breastmilk.

    So it's best to give it as fresh as possible, and as unadulterated as possible by minimizing time it is stored in the fridge, time stored in the freezer, time exposed to light, etc. If you can, pump and give that milk fresh the next day. Depending on your milk's storage capability, you could save Friday's milk in the fridge too.

    I have been known to mix a bit of frozen in with fresh to bump up the nutrition factor of the frozen, but I only do it right before I am going to feed that bottle.

    I pump into bottles and attach the lid and stick it in the fridge. Or not, depending on how soon it will be fed. I don't heat it up.

    I must admit...I am totally puzzled as to how exactly formula is easier. What I have seen of FF is that a mom is trying to pour powder into a bottle, add water and shake while baby is hysterically crying. Even expressed milk is easier than that...I take my bottle, with nipple already attached, full of already mixed milk (the fats are soluble at room temperature) and give it to the baby, who never gets totally hysterical. So when I hear moms saying someone is pressuring them because formula is easier, I wonder just what that person would say if they were confronted with that idea.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  6. #26
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Denver, Co.
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    1,164

    Default Re: What do I say?

    I agree with the above statements regarding frozen milk. I used to freeze some of my milk and rotate it out. There's nothing wrong with it! It still beats formula hands down!

    Christine
    Baby Girl Born 2/17/10 to her two mommies
    BF from day one. I looked up one day and realized I'm nursing a toddler!

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
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    17,424

    Default Re: What do I say?

    No. You are not a bad person. But A frozen stash is just that. A stash of emergency milk. You are making and pumping fresh milk everyday. It's a huge waste of time for you to put an extra step into it which actually does damage to the milk. Your process should be pump all day and either drop that milk off at your mom's that night when you pick her up OR take it home and throw it in your own fridge and carry over to her the next day. The idea in pumping is that your baby is getting your FRESH milk that they would have gotten directly from you that day. A freezer stash is for when what you pump in a day is not meeting your child's immediate needs. So if you have a day where you only pump 9oz. then you get into the freezer and leave your fresh 9oz PLUS the back up 3oz of frozen. To Pump, then FREEZE and then THAW is adding 2 extra step in that don't need to be there AND damage the milk. Now I would certainly rather see ANY baby get frozen milk over formula. Any day. But the other issue with frozen milk is that Fresh milk is literally growing and changing with your child to always be the exact right food for her. What you pump for her today is different than the frozen milk you pumped last month. You should always give your baby the freshest milk you have and use your freezer stash to fill in gaps. Because what is the alternative. It's formula. So of course your frozen milk from last month is better than that. But not only will giving your baby your fresh milk daily be the best thing for her it should help streamline this process for both your and your mother. By eliminating two steps and making way less pressure about using the milk. If you give your mom 16 fresh oz and you don't don't use it all in one day the extra bottle can stay in the fridge til the end of the week. No problem. And at the end of the week on Fri you can then just throw it in HER freezer. Frozen milk has to be used much sooner. You can't leave it in the fridge for 5 days. That is because the antibacterial properties are damaged by the freezing and thawing process.

    Way too lazy for formula

  8. #28
    Join Date
    May 2010
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    Denver, Co.
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    1,164

    Default Re: What do I say?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    No. You are not a bad person. But A frozen stash is just that. A stash of emergency milk. You are making and pumping fresh milk everyday. It's a huge waste of time for you to put an extra step into it which actually does damage to the milk. Your process should be pump all day and either drop that milk off at your mom's that night when you pick her up OR take it home and throw it in your own fridge and carry over to her the next day. The idea in pumping is that your baby is getting your FRESH milk that they would have gotten directly from you that day. A freezer stash is for when what you pump in a day is not meeting your child's immediate needs. So if you have a day where you only pump 9oz. then you get into the freezer and leave your fresh 9oz PLUS the back up 3oz of frozen. To Pump, then FREEZE and then THAW is adding 2 extra step in that don't need to be there AND damage the milk. Now I would certainly rather see ANY baby get frozen milk over formula. Any day. But the other issue with frozen milk is that Fresh milk is literally growing and changing with your child to always be the exact right food for her. What you pump for her today is different than the frozen milk you pumped last month. You should always give your baby the freshest milk you have and use your freezer stash to fill in gaps. Because what is the alternative. It's formula. So of course your frozen milk from last month is better than that. But not only will giving your baby your fresh milk daily be the best thing for her it should help streamline this process for both your and your mother. By eliminating two steps and making way less pressure about using the milk. If you give your mom 16 fresh oz and you don't don't use it all in one day the extra bottle can stay in the fridge til the end of the week. No problem. And at the end of the week on Fri you can then just throw it in HER freezer. Frozen milk has to be used much sooner. You can't leave it in the fridge for 5 days. That is because the antibacterial properties are damaged by the freezing and thawing process.


    I used to freeze Friday's milk on Friday night. I would thaw the oldest milk on Monday for Monday's milk. I would give fresh milk Tuesday - Friday.

    Christine
    Baby Girl Born 2/17/10 to her two mommies
    BF from day one. I looked up one day and realized I'm nursing a toddler!

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    130

    Default Re: What do I say?

    I am so frustrated and almost in tears over this whole thing! My mom told me last night that me BF is frustrating because of the way she has to feed my DD. I'm starting to wonder if I need to find someone else. Even my DH doesn't really care if i BF or not. His response to anything related is "its up to you". I crunched numbers and I use about 28 bags a week pumping at work and once on the weekend. That adds up to a lot quickly in my book. My mom seemed very put out at my suggestion to give her what i pump at work because...well, I don't know why but when I asked if that would work or be easier for her, she said "its whatever is easier for you" and I'm not the one feeding her a bottle! I do not want to end BF but I'm at a loss. I cannot please my mom, DH feels like he can't help out and he gets sad when DD wants me over him and i don't know what to do!

    Sorry this turned into me venting/on the verge of tears.
    Addison Nicole changed my world on June 21, 2011
    12:33 pm
    7 lb 4 oz
    19"


    EBF 11.5 months!

    Sadie Lynn completed our family on August 7, 2013
    12:46 pm
    8 lb (even)

    20.5"

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    818

    Default Re: What do I say?

    mama that sounds rough. I think it should not be this hard for you, even if it seemed like an ideal situation from the beginning. I think if you need to find someone other than your mom, someone more supportive and willing to do what you've outlined for care of your LO, there is nothing wrong with that. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to help your mom out and she is only concerned with her own discomfort. babies are just a lot of work, she's not used to dealing with a baby any way but her own and she's not willing to change. If it were me I'd have a talk with my mom and see if there was a last ditch effort to make it work and if not I'd start looking. She may not understand that her comments are UNDERMINING to you and your bf relationship. And if she refuses to understand after you sit down and try to explain it, then its not worth it IMO.

    As for DH, I think he also needs a sit down talk. He is an adult and baby is just that. Her wanting you only and him getting "sad" over that may be understandable, but he needs to get over it. You're doing what you need to do and what nature intended. Over time she will come around. He can bond with her in many other ways, but you may need to facilitate those ways for him, since guys can be a little thick. My DH was the same, and what worked for us is for me to hand over baby when she was in the best mood possible, or when I needed to do things for short times like 30 minutes. This "convinced" him that she did like him too and made it easier for him to deal with times where she only wanted me. Tell him she will grow up soon and follow him everywhere and want to do everything he does, right now she is a baby and she needs YOU and you need HIM to be supportive* of everything you do, especially where caring for your baby is concerned, that is his job as your husband.

    You can get through this, we are here to help you!
    *ETA:with guys you have to outline what "be supportive" means for you. decide what this is for you and tell him.example: 1. no more comments about being sad because baby wants me, she is a baby. 2. take baby a bath, 3. give me a hug when i come home from work, 4. help me find a new dcp, etc Specific tasks. that will be a lot easier for him.
    Last edited by @llli*oakdryad5; December 5th, 2011 at 08:31 AM.
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
    Mami de mi preciosa Elenita
    http://forums.llli.org/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=32384&dateline=131170  7429 OakRoseCharms Free Shipping for LLLadies just pm me! My Blog

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