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Thread: I need to wean my 2 yr old now!!

  1. #1
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    Mar 2010
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    Default I need to wean my 2 yr old now!!

    Hi everyine,

    I am a massive supporter of breastfeeding and have fed all three of my kids( my older two just for 6 months). My youngest is almost two and it's at the point now I feel I need to stop feeding him. My youngest, unlike my two older kids, does not have a bedtime routine .. we tried and co sleeping worked well as the only way he'll sleeps is in my bed with me nursing him to sleep. If I'm not there he'll not sleep if I get up after he falls asleep he'll get up.. and this is how it continues... He will feed through thye night some nights others not but I get no sleep as he moves around the bed and often end up upside down under the covers and this frightens me. He has his own bed in his own room and won't sleep in it.
    It's got to the point now where it's just a pain for me. I have no time way from him. I have no quality time with my older kids. I can't get a night out with my husband.. I have not had a decent night sleep since he was born. I am tired and impatient and that is no good for any of us. I am starting to feel trapped and this is not how I want to remember nursing my last baby. Bedtime can be nursing him to try and get him to sleep from 8 to 2am
    I am self employed and a lot of my appointments are supposed to be in the evenings. I often have to cancel as my son will not settle for anyone only me. He was almost day weaned until about a month ago when he contracted croup now wants milk most of the day too.

    He is a strong willed little bub and he hit bites, headbutts, nips and screams until you just give in.

    All the I can deal with if I just didn't have to feed him at night.
    I know it's not his fault it's what we have taught him, but it need to change. My son does not nap during the day and will not just fall asleep in the evening. I have come back from work the odd time to find him still awake and waiting for me at 1am.

    That can't be good for him or me... I need some advice. Please don't tell me he will self wean. I don't think he wants to but I need to do something to make life a little easier for all my family.

    Any advice would be helpful!!!!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: I need to wean my 2 yr old now!!

    It's hard when they hit that really stubborn, really physical age. I've been there.

    No matter how you do this, I don't think it's going to be overnight. I also don't think it's going to be conflict-free. There is no magic way to wean a stubborn, strong-willed two year old. So I would just start by cutting out the feedings that are either (1) most annoying to you; or (2) least important to him. Or a combination - the ones least important to him that annoy you the most. Since just cutting one feeding might be a bit of a battle, I would not try to bite off more than you can chew. You can also set limits. Headbutting, biting, etc., is NOT an acceptable way to ask to nurse. No way. If my baby hurts me, he does not get the breast, end of story. I don't care if that means a screaming tantrum, that's just not going to fly, you know? So I'd set that rule in stone starting today. You can be kind and gentle, explain that if he hurts mama, he doesn't get to nurse, but then you also need to be firm, and stick to that. My 2.5 year old can be violent and physical when he's upset as well, so I know how hard this can be, but I just see no good in rewarding that behavior.

    Many of us who nurse toddlers have had to set some serious limits in order to keep this relationship working for both parties. It doesn't need to be black and white: mom-led weaning vs. child-led weaning. I've definitely set limits on Joe's nursing, told him no when I didn't feel like it, etc., without fully weaning. Each time nursing became something I couldn't handle anymore, I've worked with Joe to ask more nicely, to accept no as an answer, etc. So it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

    I do think that cutting a child this age off cold turkey would be HARD. And might be very upsetting to the child. So I would work more on setting limits. No daytime nursing, okay. Or, teach dad to put him to sleep. Etc.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  3. #3
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    Mar 2010
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    Default Re: I need to wean my 2 yr old now!!

    hi,

    Thanks for your advice..I would never just go cold turkey that would be cruel. I do also stop nursing when he hits or bites...
    When he is out without me he never misses the nursing, but as with all toddlers they know how to push mums buttons.

    The main issue for me is getting him to a stage that i can leave him with my husband or my parents and know that he will go to sleep for them.
    Take tonight for example i took him to bed at 8.30 and he fell asleep nursing at 9.30. I got up, ten minutes later he was up again and needed me beside him to fall asleep again. This has continued and now at 11.30 he is on my knee asleep and dreamfeeding. This takes up my whole evening, every evening. it's exhausting!! I can't take my others kids out, to swimming etc, my husband has to .. I have to stay put to make sure he sleeps..I feel trapped.

    We have tried my husband putting him top bed but no joy. I know we'll just have to perservere but I really need is advice on how to stop night feeds and how to put him to sleep without feeding and I know that will be hard. I have tried the whole no more nursies until tomorrow but then the whole house is wakened with his crying and temper tantrums.. He seems to be nursing more now than when he was younger.. all night if I let him.

    He is a healthy, happy, robust little boy who is very bright. He drinks cows milk he eats most foods and I have no issues with his health or appetite. I suppose he just loves being with his mamma and I love the time we have too but it just feels so intense every evening....

  4. #4
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    Default Re: I need to wean my 2 yr old now!!

    Could he be getting his 2-year-old molars? Joe became crazy boob-obsessed when he was getting those - they are brutal, like whole mountain ranges erupting in his mouth!

    That doesn't make it easier day to day, but sometimes it helps to understand WHY the increased need for mama-milk. Plus, if that's the case: dose liberally with motrin!


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  5. #5
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    Mar 2010
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    Default Re: I need to wean my 2 yr old now!!

    he is and I give him paracetamol and ibuprofen ( I think nurofen here would be the equilavent to your motrin ) when needed and great little teething powders. Reading through the forum just helps me as I see there are others having the same issues .. means I'm not doing anything wrong. I have three kids and am no stranger to discipline and boundaries but this wee man of mine knows how to play me too well!! thanks for your replies.. Hope all is going ok with baby no 2

  6. #6
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    Default Re: I need to wean my 2 yr old now!!

    I think motrin is just ibuprofen. I think it works better than tylenol (which I think is the same as paracetamol) because it's anti-inflammatory as well as a painkiller?

    You haven't done anything wrong. It's common for interest in the breast to ebb and flow. It's easier to really cut back on sessions during a natural "ebb" time, but of course, when that's happening, you don't feel as strong a need to! But yes, you are not alone!

    Thanks for the good wishes on #2! It's still early days, but we are excited (of course Joe has decided he wants to nurse all the time, now that it's uncomfortable for me - go figure ).


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: I need to wean my 2 yr old now!!

    Ugh. All I can say is you just described my life right now. I was hoping someone else had some advice. I don't think my situation is quite as bad as yours, buutt.. it isn't much better.
    Only difference I have is that my son WILL fall asleep for gma or DH if I am ay work.. but I have worked full time since he was 5 weeks old. I work 7am to 7 pm.
    My son HAS to cosleep. Has a bed but wont sleep in it, and wont go to sleep until like midnight. If I get up, he wakes up too. He wants to nurse ALLLL the time. And its driving me absolutely crazy. My son has days, okay most days, where he refuses to eat all... solids I mean, and then he is cranky bc he's hungry, and wants to nurse bc he's cranky and hungry, and WILL NOT EAT ANYTHING or drink anything besides nursing. UGH. Its wearing me slick.
    Again, please speak up if you guys have advice!!!

    My son does have molars... but I am wondering if they are the 2 year ones? Maybe thats what I have going on too??
    Kristin

    Momma to Benjamin, we recently made it nursing to age 2!!!!

    Benjamin born 9-17-09

  8. #8
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    Default Re: I need to wean my 2 yr old now!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*wreckgoddess View Post
    My son does have molars... but I am wondering if they are the 2 year ones? Maybe thats what I have going on too??
    They get two sets of molars, the 1-yr and the 2-yr. So it's not complete until there are eight molars. (And when you get there, as we did a few months ago, you can rest easy that you won't have to deal with any more teething for a WHILE).


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: I need to wean my 2 yr old now!!

    A lot of mamas here (me included) have had luck with the Dr. Gordon method of night weaning. And for cutting off nursing to sleep I would tell my daughter she could nurse while I sang twinkle twinkle 3 times and then in between each repetition I'd remind her (two more times and then no more milk...one more time and no more milk, etc). The plan was to cut back the number of repetitions slowly (or sing faster ), but after a couple of weeks of this she just stopped asking before bed. Mind you I was pregnant at the time and that may have had something to do with it. Most of the time she didn't argue when it was time to stop nursing, but when she did I'd sometimes give her the option to pick a different song so she would feel like she had some kind of ownership in the situation.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  10. #10
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    Default Re: I need to wean my 2 yr old now!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*joe.s.mom View Post

    I do think that cutting a child this age off cold turkey would be HARD. And might be very upsetting to the child. So I would work more on setting limits. No daytime nursing, okay. Or, teach dad to put him to sleep. Etc.
    This may well be true, and I have not weaned my only kid yet, so I don't have personal experience. But one of my best friends BF'd both of her kids until just under 2 yrs old. They were both little boob addicts too Anyway, the way she started off weaning with both was to go away by herself for a weekend, hand expressing enough to avoid clogs and mastitis (which I would think would be a danger of doing this). While she was gone, dad took care of the kids and talked about how nursing was going to go away now. Then when she got back, she allowed like one session a day with one of the kids I think, and the other actually weaned with very little issue just from her being gone and "breaking the habit". Again, I've not done this myself, but she said it worked quite well for her both times. As a SAHM/WAHM she really appreciated the time to herself too.

    Now I left for a business trip a couple weeks ago and my kid (17 months) didn't wean at all, but I didn't want her to and I was hoping she wouldn't, so I did nothing to encourage weaning or cutting down to a new level on my return. I will say I was very FULL when I got back, as I didn't bring a pump and am not good at hand expression.
    Mom to Taiga born 6/2010

    Pocket cloth diapers. Baby led solids. Full-time working mom. I my DH, DD, kitty Dr. Benway, and my working border collie Odin!
    BF for 1 year and she and I still love it !!!!

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