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Thread: What should I do?

  1. #1

    Question What should I do?

    Hello mommies!

    I have two issues that I would REALLY appreciate some advice from everyone to help resolve them.

    1). I nurse my DD to sleep, I have since the very beginning! She is now a 7 month old healthy chubby girl. Recently we introduced some solids and she seems to enjoy those. But anyways.. I've always nursed her to sleep and we also bed share. That's what has worked for the two of us, it's much simpler to roll over with her and fall back to sleep that way. However, my husband is getting more frustrated with our methods.. I don't believe in letting my baby "cry it out," and he thinks because she nurses to sleep she won't know how to put herself to sleep as she grows older. He wants to be able to put her to sleep sometimes. That's fine, she will let people bounce her to sleep.. I'm more so looking to see what everyone has tried as far as sleep time goes. He also is against bed sharing, but would be okay if she slept in her bedside sleeper..
    I'm really just wary of the up and down involved in it all.. I'm so exhausted to begin with. She doesn't take a paci at all. And is such a light sleeper.

    2) my husband has his business' Christmas dinner coming up. I would LOVE to go, ny husband and I haven't really had a date since I was 7 months pregnant ha! But the dinner party is out of town.. Do it'd be an overnight thing.. My baby won't drink from a bottle. She has taken my milk from a cup abd sippy cup, but not enough to constitute a whole feeding.. We are talking a few sips.. My mother is great with the baby, but I am TERRIFIED of leaving and my sweet girl starving herself! Has anyone come in contact with this issue?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2011

    Default Re: What should I do?

    #1 sounds exactly like my situation too. I'm interested to see what others have to say!
    ~ Megan

    Mommy to Alex (born 2/27/11) and Katie (born 3/31/14)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011

    Default Re: What should I do?

    I've always nursed both my DDs in bed with me. My DD2 is 12 weeks right now. She sleeps in a bassinet right by the side of my side of the bed. I sit up in bed, pick her up, lay her down with me and nurse her. Roll her onto my chest to burp her and then lay her back down in her bassinet. If she stirs I reach in and pat her tummy or hold her hand which calms her down. Since you have a bedside sleeper that is the perfect thing. You don't have to get up at all. And it really is safer...I know people love co sleeping. But my mother in law is an ICU nurse and has told me too many horror stories about crushed, smothered, and suffocated babies from co sleeping. Just a few weeks ago she lost a 6 month old patient that was suffocated by the bed blanket.
    As for the going out of town it all depends on your mom. She could also syringe and finger feed her. My DD2 also refuses to take a bottle. I don't think I could leave her. I have never left her long enough to need a feed so I doubt I could handle worrying that she was so hungry. Good luck!

  4. #4

    Default Re: What should I do?

    The thought of leaving her at all is so awful to me! I haven't left her for more than 3 hours to go see Harry Potter with the hubby LOL! When she was 3 months old I was hospitalized with pulmonary embolisms and thyroid storm and when the nurses said they would not admit me with a baby I told them to pretty much shove it and that I'd find a hospital that WOULD. It was just too soon, and I was afraid of damaging our BF relationship, and of course miss my little girl!
    I'm so wary to leave for even one night... But it would mean a lot to my husband and I admittedly have had less time to spend giving him much attention... But like I said, I'm so afraid of her refusing to eat!

    Last week my sister had to be gone from her 6 month old for two days and I went up there and nursed her girl for her, wish she would drive the four hours to me and return the favor! She is teaching a Hypnobabies course then though..

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2011

    Default Re: What should I do?

    Would your mother or another trusted friend be able to come with you? That way she/they could care for the baby when you are at the party specifically, but you could still care for her otherwise.

    I co-sleep with my baby too. There is mixed information about baby's suffocating more often when co-sleeping...however studies tend to show that suffocation only increases when the parents smoke, are overweight, are drunk, or sleep somewhere other than a bed, like the sofa. Studies also show that there is an increase of breastfeeding success when mom and baby co-sleep.

    That being said, you and your husband need to be on the same page regarding baby sleeping. I would find out why he doesn't like the co-sleeping arrangement and see if you can come to an agreement that suits the baby and both of you. Remember, it's about what works best for the family and baby.

    Good luck!

  6. #6

    Default Re: What should I do?

    I actually brought it up to my husband if we could just bring my mother with us. He was opposed to this. Didn't really explain why exactly, but stated that we might as well stay home if we were going to do that.. So, Ugh! It's just all pretty frustrating. Maybe he's attention starved, like I need fully grown baby to appease lol..

    And there is definitely a safety factor with co-sleeping. I make sure that I follow all the safety guidelines, mesh rails, standard pillows, dress warmly for bed to eliminate the need for possible smother hazards like sheets. My husband is opposed to the bed sharing now because he thinks the baby isnt going to learn how to comfort herself back to sleep.. He was on board to begin with because of all the health problems I was having made it hard for me to get around. Now that I'm healing he's ready for her to get in her own bed.. I just don't know if I should fight him in it.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2011

    Default Re: What should I do?

    Hi Dinaynnz,

    I have been in the exact same position as you and you will find that alot more women are then you think. I wrote on this forum maybe 5 months ago because my husband didnt want to co sleep, didnt want me to night nurse, and want to CIO. All 3 felt wrong for me, my dd is a baby and i am her sole "protection,provider" and more for a while. My husbands whole family felt the same and i was just completely deflated,hurt,and truly distraught. I thought my husband would have been more allowing or something..

    anyway, this rattled our whole marriage because from all the research, talking to my parents, listening to what other mamas said who believed what i do i just couldnt give in. I trusted my instincts about what was right for our baby. I AM THE MOTHER for a reason. I AM HER EXPERT. I tried to compromise i had her sleep in her crib in her room, i would feed her and go to bed, i couldnt sleep and my dd would wake up so often. Then i put her mattress on the floor to see if i could nurse her and go back to bed. But it was so hard, my dd wouldnt sleep without me and i just ended up sleeping in there which was bad for my back but good for me and baby. I thought if my husband noticed that i wasnt in bed he would be ok with us both going back to our bed. No. I tried to many gentle ways to try and get my dd to sleep longer hours/alone/sleep in her room but it just felt wrong and didnt work and i knew it might not because she just wasnt ready. i sent him a million and one studies (my hubby is a scientist) but he just sent ones back uuugggrrr it drove me crazy and i resented him

    With me being completely exhausted i told my husband i wanted to move her crib in our room as a side car, he said it would be too hard so i did it myself. we had a terrible argument the night. sorry long story but what im trying to say is that your the mother, you know your baby. Daddy's job is to support you. Not to tell you what to do with the baby. I ended up telling my husband that if he did cio then i would leave and i meant it. Normally i dont really stand up for myself but for my dd i had to, it was one of the hardest things i have ever done. The crib is in our room, the baby sleeps in our bed, my husband gave it up and is doing ok now with baby in bed. he does say sometimes that he would love more space but nothing like before. He did say one time after that he has had to change the way he thinks about the sleeping arrangements lol.. which is good....

    so mama listen to your heart. Your baby needs you. you know what is right for your baby, its so hard to be in this situation, and i dont get how some men just dont understand or just let us be the mothers but they dont..

    2. we havent been on a date for over a year. I wont leave my baby with anyone because it just doesnt feel right... plus i dont want to be without her. I dont want to do anything without her.. she s my heart... anyway with that said maybe say to hubby that grandma can stay in the other room or something. you will still have your privacy. I do know that my husband misses me (well i miss him too) and so i try to do special things for him when she is asleep (which sometimes is only 30 mins at a time) or give him back rubs and stuff, send him cards, make yummy dinners... little things so he knows i think of him.

    your little one wont want to be in bed with your forever.

    good luck mama... you will find strength from within yourself to do what you feel is right.


  8. #8

    Default Re: What should I do?

    I second the side car. It has worked fantastically for us.

    We started with a real side car, and then when he got mobile enough to roll into me at night I lowered the mattress so there was a little 3" step between his crib mattress and my mattress. He wouldn't roll over it at night, but could climb out in the morning.

    once he got bigger, around a year, he needed the actual side of the crib that i took off to separate us. It was more of a mental separator tho, he knew I was right there beside him but there was my bed, and his bed.

    Now we have the toddler bed sides on (3 in 1 crib) and a snoogle(pregnancy pillow) threaded on the side he could fall out of. I moved his bed 3 feet away from ours, and during the day i unthread a side of the pillow and he can climb in and out (15 mos).

    For our bedtime routine we nurse in my bed, and then I stand up and rock him (always have) because i don't like the way comfort nursing feels. This has been very valuable. He doesn't need to be rocked anymore, and I can nurse him and then have someone else lay him down. He still needs his bedtime nurse tho. Then when he's getting sleepy I lay him down, and I used to lay in my bed next to him. Now he doesn't care what I do after I lay him down, but I almost always take 5 mins of me time He's super independent and trusting because I don't push him into situations he's not comfortable with, but I make sure to help him grow and have independence when he's feeling secure.

    I still haven't left him at night, he's 15 mos, but we do go on dates from 7:30 (bedtime) to close to midnight. He almost always reliably sleeps that stretch. We have our holiday party and we just arrange to go after he goes to bed.

    You could tell your hubby that as a test you want him to give your baby bottles for one night to see how she'll do for Grandma. My hubby pushed hard for this (an overnighter) until I asked him to try to give bottles one night so *we* could be assured it wouldn't be too rough on baby. Ime, it goes over terrible and he sees how much babies need their primary night parent at night.
    Last edited by @llli*carmen.arizona; December 2nd, 2011 at 03:42 PM.
    Carmen-Noel mum to James born naturally 8/28/2010.
    Mommy's little pumpkin head

    We love our amber necklace from @llli*expat-mum. PM her for the most beautiful effective teething aide we've found!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Michigan, USA

    Default Re: What should I do?

    Well, my hubby also tends to agree with the CIO method and really wasn't all that supportive of co-sleeping every night. We've very much evolved however since our LO is 9 months old already. Our marriage was also rocked...but for us, we believe that our marriage comes before our child and that when that happens, we're really the better parents for our child....so we're making it work.

    Something that helped us (I think) is when my hubby started sleeping in the same bed with me and also getting up with our LO at night. I think he started to realize just how exhausting it was and was more understanding of my having her in bed. He and I both agree though, that she should start in her crib (in another room) unless she's sick, getting a tooth or something where I know it's going to be a long night....and often now, he offers to get her in the early morning to bring her to me...

    As for the overnight thing....well...not only would foods for her be difficult, so would pumping and storing milk for you....I would say that's a pain, but I would decline to go (only for all the hassle of it!) but would try to make it up to my hubby another way....sounds like he really misses you, his wife, and if he's anything like mine, he's going through an adjustment period as well...realizing the world as he knows it doesn't totally revolve around him at least, not anymore
    married since 2007 to the man of my dreams!

    had a water birth at home to my darling little girl born 2-18-11

    working full time &

    Cloth diapering

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Middle of nowhere in Ohio

    Default Re: What should I do?

    I am sure everyone has their own little story of what works for them and their family. Every family and child is different. For myself, we do not co-sleep. As a matter of preference, I sleep better when he is not with me. I wake with evey whimper and snore. Plus he is a light sleeper as well. I run a humidifier in his room for noise and to make the room warmer. The absolute best thing I can tell that works is to have a ROUTINE! Do the same thing every single night and it works like magic in a few weeks.. at least it did for me. I always start with a bath and massage, or just a massage. Then pj's and finish with nursing and sometimes cereal. Usually I don't have to rock him to sleep, but sometimes rocking afterward. Also, I will sometimes let him cry for a MAX of 5 min before I go get him. Usually it's not more than 1-2 before he is asleep. I can't stand hearing him cry. I do not believe in CIO, I think it harms their development.
    In regards to your question about the dinner... is there any way possible you could take someone with you? A trusted family member or friend? I realize it wouldn't be as romantic... maybe getting a separate room or something though would work. That way you could still go but not have to worry about the bottle situation.
    I myself have never left my son with anyone longer than me going to work. Once he is down to getting a sippy cup during the day it will be easier to leave him... Since she is older, 7 mos old, I wouldn't recommend this for a younger baby, but I think you should go... do a trial run where you are gone a while and see how it goes. Babies usually do a lot better than you think when you are away from them.
    Passed my CLC exam!

    Mother of 3: 12-25-04 12-3-07 1-13-2011

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