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Thread: 5 days in and feeling stressed

  1. #1

    Default 5 days in and feeling stressed

    Alright, I thought that I was mentally prepared for this, but I was wrong. *DS was born early wed morning after a very quick labor. *I was happy as a clam, I felt remarkably well after delivery and he was eager to nurse, though with a slightly lazy latch which is really my fault. *With my daughter we fought hours to get her to wake up and eat, but DS was very agreeable. *He slept between feeding but was eager to eat as soon as I offered, every 4 hours at night and 2 during the day.

    Then we came home and basically he's been attached ever since. *He eats every 1-1.5 hours or so, unless I put him down, then ive got 5 min. *Nobody else holding him makes him happy, though I can sometimes hold him without feeding him. *So last night I got no sleep. *Today I eeked in 3 hours over 3 naps, one where he fell asleep next to me in bed.

    We did not cosleep with my daughter, she slept in a pack-n-play next to our bed for 6 months, then moved into a crib her room. *I'm uncomfortable with cosleeping with DS (as in can't sleep) but I can't go on like this. *It's driving me into baby blues which isn't good for my family.

    My milk is good, but I wouldn't say fully in yet. *Wets and poopies are good. *Born at 8 lbs 1oz was 7 lbs 8 oz at check up sat morning and dr isn't concerned. *I don't want to give a pacifier, but I don't was to give up either and this is just killing me. *And I miss spending time with DD!

    My husband is trying to reassure me that once my milk comes in it'll be better, but I know that may not be true. *I know this is all normal and it just makes me feel worse that I'm not coping well. *People do this all the time right? *I don't know what we're going to do when the MIL goes home and isn't taking care of DD anymore.

    I guess I'm just looking for coping advice. TIA

    Btw: I wrote this last night but couldn't post it. Over the night we did cosleep and I got some sleep, but really only because I was so exhausted. I woke up frequently to check his breathing and position.
    Last edited by @llli*persephone-ashes; October 16th, 2011 at 07:54 AM. Reason: iPhone added asterix. Please ignore. Sorry!
    Hi, I'm Seph!
    DD born - 5/12/09 5lbs 15oz, and now she's 27 lbs! weaned with love at 19 months.
    DS born - 10/12/11 8 lbs 1 oz, over 19 pounds now at 8.5 months and still nursing like a champ!
    I survived 3 solid months of a 10 food elimination diet and 22 months of a limited diet between my 2 children. I don't even remember what a peanut is.
    for 21 months!
    6 time conqueror of mastitis! (2 times without abx!)
    Have milk, will fly!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    2,197

    Default Re: 5 days in and feeling stressed

    Hang in there. Getting acclimated to a new baby is so disorienting! Try not to project anything into the future. Each moment is all you need to deal with. Do you have a co-sleeper or crib that you can attach to the side of the bed? That would allow you to sleep touching him, which he needs, but have him in his own area, which would bring you peace of mind and allow you to relax into sleep more. How much time will you have with your MIL there? And do you have any friends who you could enlist to come over on a daily basis?
    Teal

    25 May 96 and 14 January 08 and 27 February 2012

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
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    103

    Default Re: 5 days in and feeling stressed

    i used a co slleper bassinet and loved it. i also used a pacifier quite early, prob around 5 days old and it did not alter our nursing relationship at all. it did allow other people to hold him without him crying and allowed him to be put down so that i could pay attention to my older son. hang in there. the first few weeks with two is so tough! take it one day, one nap, one feeding at a time
    mom to ds daniel 12/16/09 and ben 2/27/11

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    4,894

    Default Re: 5 days in and feeling stressed

    You said people do this all the time, right? Yes. Women do it every day. Have babies. Have second or third or more children. And we all feel the same way you do. There is nothing harder than being a mother. Each child you add, the more of "you" that you lose. So many people needing you. Who can't survive without you. It's so overwhelming. You have your own needs though. Many of which must be met or you can't do your job as mother. In ancient times we relied on our family and other women in the village. Modern days we rely on things like swings and pacifiers. TV and playmates for the older ones. It becomes about survival. If you know a mom that makes it look easy and doesn't need any of those things, they are either lying or getting far more help than even they realize.

    I found it helpful to put things into a priority list so I didn't get overwhelmed. Laundry can wait. Borrow or buy new clothes if trying to wash baby clothes every 3 days is too stressful. Make double portions of food so it lasts that much longer and you don't need to cook. In the very early days I would put a movie on for my daughter, put my son on my chest and the 3 of us would cuddle on the couch. I would close my eyes and get a mini nap. I co-sleep out of desperation. It's about survival. Not perfection. Don't beat yourself up if things don't seem perfect. And if you really feel yourself sinking do not be afraid to ask for help. I have been known to look my husband square in the eyes and tell him that I am crying for help. Let's not wait for me to run from the house in my underwear screaming.
    If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. - Katharine Hepburn

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    20,813

    Default Re: 5 days in and feeling stressed

    Mama, I think you experience is very normal for a mama with 2 kids. When my second was born I felt very sad because I felt like I had lost my close bond with my first baby. All of a sudden I didn't have time to cuddle her or tuck her in or do all the stuff we'd done pre-baby. All I could do was to take care of the new baby first and myself second. But not to worry- you haven't lost your connection with your first baby- just redefined it. It's going to take some time to settle in to your new normal. Can you afford some help, like a babysitter for your older kid or a Mother's helper, or can you ask your MIL to stay longer? How about getting help from any support network you have available to you, like friends or church? That can really help you through the roughest parts of having a new baby.

    The other things I think you need are a sling- so that you can hold your newborn (which he obviously needs, and which may keep him quiet longer between nursing sessions) and still move around the house and have your hands free- and also a co-sleeping crib of some sort. I mean, I encourage you to keep trying co-sleeping, because that's usually the easiest way to get mama and baby the most sleep. But if you aren't able to sleep when sharing a sleep surface with your baby, having him in a co-sleeper or bassinet right next to the bed is the next best thing.

    When you say you feel like your milk "isn't fully in yet", what do you mean? At five days, either your milk is in or it isn't. If you are producing milk, then your milk is in. If you're not producing milk, and are still seeing only colostrum, then your milk isn't in. Perhaps the issue is quantity? A lot of moms expect engorgement or feelings of fullness, but those are not necessary aspects of a successful breastfeeding experience. Many second-time moms notice less engorgement the second time around, particularly if the baby is a good nurser.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  6. #6

    Default Re: 5 days in and feeling stressed

    Thanks for all the support and advice moms! Now that the sun is up, we're doing a little better. Things are always worse when the sun goes down(for me anyway)

    I'll try to answer everyone's questions:

    1. The MIL will be here until DS is 2 weeks old.
    2. during the week we will have our nanny to help us with DD (husband works from home so it seemed silly to do daycare). Husband is also taking some time off which will help.
    3. We have a couple slings, but I've figured that if I'm sitting down holding him at least I'm resting. If I get up and do all kinds of stuff Im afraid I'll hit my limit.
    4. DS seems to hate the pack and play, but is fine to just fall asleep next to me. Is that how a co-sleeper works. To me it looks like you've got to move them over into the bed and the move them back to the cosleeper. I think that might be too disruptive to him. Now I've fed him in bed and just gently scooted a little away to give him breathing room.
    5. As for my milk, with DD I turned into dolly pardon and leaked everywhere. I guess I was just expecting that. My milk is white (well actually orangish white, which is different). Pees and poops have been well in excess of the minimums, so maybe it is in. Oh, and I found a nice hazelnut sized painless lump in my left breast checking things out so now I need to go to the doctors and get that checked out. I'm trying to not freak out about that. Maybe DS just eats so much I don't get a chance to be engourged.

    And I plan on calling my friendly LC tomorrow about that latch issues.
    Hi, I'm Seph!
    DD born - 5/12/09 5lbs 15oz, and now she's 27 lbs! weaned with love at 19 months.
    DS born - 10/12/11 8 lbs 1 oz, over 19 pounds now at 8.5 months and still nursing like a champ!
    I survived 3 solid months of a 10 food elimination diet and 22 months of a limited diet between my 2 children. I don't even remember what a peanut is.
    for 21 months!
    6 time conqueror of mastitis! (2 times without abx!)
    Have milk, will fly!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    216

    Default Re: 5 days in and feeling stressed

    Let me offer you some encouragement. I have been in the same boat as you...almost literally. I've cried buckets myself during the transition phase, and thankfully I did have some family members to rely on; especially my poor husband!! Going from one to two IS a big adjustment, and you are not alone feeling the way you do at all. Trust me, anyone who says it was easy is either lying to you or had an army of people to help them! And yes, like you, at night is when things seemed the worst because I was very tired.

    First, recognize you are not alone. This happens to all mothers, so don't beat yourself up. Second, I finally had to realize that I had just had a baby. That's a tremendous amount of work for your body, and it needs its rest, too. I found that nursing was actually a way to force me to slow down and let my body heal, as well as bond with my baby. When I thought it about it that way, and quit trying to be super woman and do it all (housework, laundry, etc.) I healed very quickly and was much less stressed. I did discover the world would not come to an end if the house, etc. wasn't perfect.

    A number of things will help you. Try to take those rests while nursing...don't dwell on the stuff that you "need" to do. This will just stress you out (I know, easier said than done). Make sure you are drinking plenty of fluids. Believe or not, that really made a big difference with me, and keep your diet healthy. With DD1 being three, I did all I could to include her. Like you, I felt like I was neglecting her (although I wasn't, it feels this way because you are used to having more one on one time with her.) Those first six weeks, I practically just piled up in the bed with both of them. We watched cartoons together while I nursed. Read books, colored, etc. This helps distract you from all those chores that need to be done, and allows you to spend time with your firstborn. I did try explaining that her new sister was going to need a lot of help as she was a baby and couldn't do anything for herself, and I enlisted her help (like handing me diapers, etc.) Not saying it was always easy, but it seemed to help. Not sure how old your little one is, but it helped DD1 to feel included and important.

    Also, I have a bassinet right next to my bed, so I could have DD2 nearby for nursing without getting up so much. I cannot sleep with her in the bed well, and I found once I had her in the bassinet, I slept much better, and so did she.

    It sounds like your milk has come in. Your experience this go around will be different as your body is more familiar with what it is doing since this is your second. I didn't become nearly as engorged and spray and leak as badly as I did with my first baby. When they say each baby is different, they forget to mention that each nursing experience is different too!! Your experiences are going to be different, but that doesn't mean your supply isn't going well. If you think back, I am sure your pregnancy was very different from your first, also. So it doesn't sound like anything is going badly in that department...especially with good outputs and weight gain. As far as the color, that can be affected by foods you have ate and/or vitamins you have taken. My had a bluish tint at first and now is more of a brownish. It can even vary throughout the day, so don't even give that any thought.

    As far as the lump, I wouldn't be overly worried if it came up suddenly. Just sounds like a clogged duct. I had that happen three times this time around (never with DD1), and it turns out, I needed to adjust my nursing position. I changed from the cradle hold to the football hold, and DD2 was able to drain that duct. Although she was nursing great, she just wan't latching quite well enough to empty that particular area. Still have it checked out, but I am betting this is your issue.

    Sorry, for the novel, but I hate for anyone to feel the way you do; especially recently experiencing it myself! It will get easier (although during the transition, it certainly doesn't feel like it). Those first six weeks are the hardest, but you will make it! As a friend once told me before I became a mother, "Motherhood is the hardest work, but the most rewarding!" Hang in there and keep us posted. We're all here to help!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    2,197

    Default Re: 5 days in and feeling stressed

    More

    If you or your husband have the bandwidth for a project, setting up a sidecarred crib might go a long way toward creating a sleep-conducive environment for you. With a sidecar, the crib is at the same level as the bed, so to feed the baby, you don't need to move or disturb them at all. You can just roll partially onto the baby's mattress to feed and then roll back onto your own when you are done. It was a LIFESAVER for me!

    And I agree with everyone else. Let as much go for now as you can. There will be time to get it all put back together when you are recovered from the birth and the sleep deprivation and learning how to love and care for two kids. The house can be messy. Dishes can be disposable. Laundry can pile up so long as you have enough to get through. I firmly believe that rest is one of your biggest jobs. Kind of like putting on your own oxygen mask first in a plane emergency. Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your kids, not an indulgence.
    Teal

    25 May 96 and 14 January 08 and 27 February 2012

  9. #9

    Default Re: 5 days in and feeling stressed

    Update: got some help from the LC today and hopefully I'll be able to get the latch all sorted out soon. I think I might need to give up side lying at night until I get everything sorted out, but we'll live.

    The good news is that his pre feed weight was 7 lbs 13 oz and after was 7 lbs 15 oz. It had only been an hour since the last feeding so 2 oz was exciting and it was a big gain since sat's 7 oz 8 oz and very close to birth weight. Yay!
    Hi, I'm Seph!
    DD born - 5/12/09 5lbs 15oz, and now she's 27 lbs! weaned with love at 19 months.
    DS born - 10/12/11 8 lbs 1 oz, over 19 pounds now at 8.5 months and still nursing like a champ!
    I survived 3 solid months of a 10 food elimination diet and 22 months of a limited diet between my 2 children. I don't even remember what a peanut is.
    for 21 months!
    6 time conqueror of mastitis! (2 times without abx!)
    Have milk, will fly!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    216

    Default Re: 5 days in and feeling stressed

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*persephone-ashes View Post
    Update: got some help from the LC today and hopefully I'll be able to get the latch all sorted out soon. I think I might need to give up side lying at night until I get everything sorted out, but we'll live.

    The good news is that his pre feed weight was 7 lbs 13 oz and after was 7 lbs 15 oz. It had only been an hour since the last feeding so 2 oz was exciting and it was a big gain since sat's 7 oz 8 oz and very close to birth weight. Yay!

    That's awesome!!!! Happy to read!!

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