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Thread: feeling down

  1. #1

    Default feeling down

    Hope this is in the right section, and sorry in advance for the ramblings but currently at home on my own and dont have any one to talk too

    In a nutshell, my boy was born at 30 weeks and spent 7 weeks in SCBU. He's always been slow to put on weight but he has been consistent with his gain and has put on over 5lb since birth (he's now 17weeks old) He has always been a brilliant feeder and is exclusively BF now, and our HV is more than happy with his progress (as am I)

    Last week I had him weighed on monday (he'd put on a whole 1lb in 3 weeks) and then had a routine appointment with the paediatric team on Friday. Saw a doctor who was not very supportive over me BF , and made a few comments over his "poor" weight gain but was ok with me continuing - but we would need watching by the GP. Left the appointment in tears but relieved that we had finally been discharged from the medical bods. It wasn't until we got home my husband realised the doctor had used the weight from monday to plot on the chart again - so his line now showed 5 days of 'static growth' and was nearly edging into the next centile space. I cried my tears and got over how angry I felt only to recieve another flipping appointment today with the same team to observe his weight

    I'm disappointed with the lack of support from the medical side. All the doctor seemed concerned about was the (incorrectly plotted) dot on the chart and gave a strong impression that BF was not ideal to put on weight. I'm also struggling with these attitudes as I work as a midwife and have the utmost faith in the human baby to get what they need and for women to feed them! I am seriously enjoying the experience of feeding my boy but am now stressing about defending myself and my baby against the docs - I spent 9 weeks expressing my milk in SCBU and for the first 10 days when he came home as I was threatened with admission to a childrens ward if his weight gain was not adequate, and that is not something I want to return to nor do I think he needs.

    My professional head knows my baby is healthy, BF beautifully and developing well. He had a rough start so I expect him to be a little slower at getting heavier, and to be fair neither me nor his dad are big, and he spends every waking moment testing his legs so he will never be a fat baby. Our HV is very supportive and has similar philosophies to me, and has only ever expressed encouragement at his development. My mummy head is now completely worried that he's not feeding correctly/should be feeding more often/is never going to get bigger etc etc etc and I just feel like all my confidence has been deflated . I'm seriously considering not having him weighed again as it stirs up so much fear again (we were in SCBU for ages due to his weight, they required him to put on 22g/day and he'd put on a consistent 20g/day!)

    I'm in need of a good kick up the bum really, feel better for getting off my chest. Anyone got any words of encouragement or similar stories?

    Cookies for all who've read this, and sorry for the moan x

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Manchester, UK

    Default Re: feeling down

    Ahh, poor you, have some virtual hugs!

    You are a wonderful mother, doing the best for your lovely baby. Your instincts know best. Keep on with your loving, and keep trusting that your milk is perfect for your baby (formula just doesn't have a patch on your special milk, packed with so much more ...antibodies, love...)

    Doctors' jobs are to look at charts, mummy's job is to follow her heart. Charts are okay for the average baby, and it's fine for your baby to be small if he's acting happy.

    Take care of yourself and relax, nurture yourself so you can make even more wholesome milk. You could try some galactagogues to give you confidence your supply is good (though if baby has a petite growth pattern, it may not alter baby's growth).

    This is just one short chapter in the story of you and your baby. No rush to get through it, and yet things will change soon enough. Small is beautiful!
    Love to you, lovely mother!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Manchester, UK

    Default Re: feeling down

    PS. Note that I mean follow your mummy heart, not your mummy head! & if your head needs supportive reminders, read something about the wonders of breastmilk. I've enjoyed The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (La Leche League) and also The Drinks are On Me (Veronika Sophia Robinson, also editor of The Mother magazine). I'll bet your doctors don't know all the wonders of breastmilk that these books share!!


  4. #4

    Default Re: feeling down

    We too had MANY struggles at first and even though are through the bad part I STILL dread having DS weighed your not alone. This is where I came for support & encouragement and it was the BEST thing for both of us, w/o these LLL mommas IDK if we would of made it through. I also had many many *bad* doctors (12) before we found one who supported BF & was ok that my DS was on the low end of the *charts* Now my DS is 9mo and has ben EBF for the past 3mo!!! He weighed in at 19lbs & 28inchs
    So just have faith in yourself that you are doing a GREAT job w/ your LO, stand your ground with the docs b/c YOU know your LO BETTER than they ever will, and keep coming back here these mommas are AMAZING!

    Im Jenn
    Mamma To:
    Kelsey BF 3 months
    Kenneth BF 3 months
    Blaze BF 3.5 years (tandem)
    Bristol BF 3.5 years (tandem)
    Raiden BF 15months & counting


    In need of some


  5. #5

    Default Re: feeling down

    My DS also had weight gain issues. We just bought a baby/toddler scale and I weighed him at home. It wasn't medical grade, and it was only accurate to 1/2 ounce, but at least it gives me an overall idea of how he's doing. I just needed the assurance! But as long as your baby is happy, reaching milestones, nursing well, then the docs don't mean anything! Weight shouldn't be tracked by day like that. Some days I eat more, some days I eat less. A baby's appetite can fluctuate too! As my LC says, its not the day-by-day weight gain that is important, but the overall picture.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2011

    Default Re: feeling down

    From the sound of it, you love your baby very much and he is very lucky to have you.
    If your baby is growing and having the right amount of pees and poops for his age, I wouldn't worry.
    The weight charts for breastfed babies are different than standard charts, sometimes this can make a healthy baby seem like (s)he is not gaining well.
    If I noticed the doctors plotted the wrong weight, I would point it out. And If the doctors seem discouraging or blaming, I would try to find a new doc.
    Keep up the wonderful caring and good luck.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2011

    Default Re: feeling down

    Like the PP said,mommy knows best. Charts are (sometimes) ridiculous, some babies are just smaller than others. If your baby feels healthy to you, feeds well, and has good diaper counts, is developing, forget them. Doctors are alright (I guess, I really have a hate-hate relationship with most of them, specially now as a mommy) but mothers have been doing this with instict for millenia. You are doing great. Don't let these stranger's lack of support get to you and you don't even feel a need to explain yourself to them. You are doing what IS BEST, HANDS DOWN AND LOGICALLY. WHAT NATURE INTENDED. WHAT FEELS RIGHT. NOT SOME NASTY STUFF MADE IN A FACTORY. Shame on those doctors. Their business needs to sell formula to fuel itself...

    You are awesome for pumping and making such an effort to exclusively BF. Keep going YOU know what is best for your little one!
    First time mom to Little Luisa.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2011

    Default Re: feeling down

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*nemlin View Post
    Saw a doctor who was not very supportive over me BF , and made a few comments over his "poor" weight gain but was ok with me continuing - but we would need watching by the GP.
    First things first- good for you for not just believing them and giving up!

    I have my own worries about weight gain while BF my LO but nothing like your. I did want to say that I recently saw a pediatric gastroenterologist for our little refluxy boy and he told me that I shouldnt give up BF no matter what and not let anyone suggest that anything but my milk is best for him. If your LO continues to have troubles with wgt gain you should consider supplementing with formula before you consider replacing with it. Follow your Momma Heart and BF as long as its desired by you and your LO! Trust your instincts and forget the rest

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