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Thread: "Thats just too OLD!"

  1. #1
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    Default "Thats just too OLD!"

    So I at work in a NICU and we have older ladies that volunteer as "cuddlers" who come and hold babies that are fussy or whose families aren't here, or they comfort babies during procedures etc when families cant. (I am a NICU nurse for those of you who dont know). I know a lot of these cuddlers very well, usually see them each about once a week for several hours. I frequently talk to them about their lives and my son Ben occasionally comes up. Situation: I am taking care of 2 super sick babies in a room that I cannot leave easily. And I had cuddlers each holding the babies as they were both fussy and I was busy charting, administering meds, etc. (AKA i'm trapped.)
    Cuddler 1 (I know her pretty well, but we arent close like I am with some of the other cuddlers)
    Cuddler 2 (I have never met this woman before ever. She is very prim/proper)

    Cuddler1 "How is your son doing?"
    Me "He's doing pretty good, (blah blah blah something about his b-day party)"
    Cuddler 1 "He's 2 already???"
    Me "Yep, I know right? They grow up too fast"
    Cuddler1 "You aren't still breastfeeding him, are you?"
    Me "Um, Yes.."
    Cuddler1 "WELL I haven't ever said anything to you before but that is TOO OLD"
    Me "You do know who you are saying that to, right? (laughed it off)"
    Me, looking at Cuddler 2 "I just took boards (IBCLC) to become a lactation consultant and am a certified breastfeeding educator"
    Cuddler 2 "OH MY! That IS TOO OLD!"
    (Cuddler 2, looking at Cuddler 1 in horror)
    Cuddler2 "There was a woman I knew at my church who nursed her baby to 3. Just so strange. Absolutely too OLD."
    Cuddler 1 "I mean, does he just ask for you to whip it out anytime?"
    Me "Actually, the biological weaning age of humans is 2 to 4 years. And we are working on weaning, just very slowly. He mostly nurses to sleep at night and for naps and occasionally other times if he gets hurt or something."
    Cuddler 1 "Well that isn't so bad.. but still...."
    (The weaning word appeased her a little but she is horrified.)
    Cuddler 2 "Has he ever bitten you?"
    Me "No.."
    Cuddler 2 "My daughter nursed her son til he bit her around age 1. Then she was DONE. Weaned that baby immediately to cows milk."

    At this point I felt so cornered. And attacked. And sad. And like I had done something wrong. I know I should have stood my ground and said a few clever "out them in their place" things. But I don't want to burn any bridges with my people who help me and my little patients at work. So I kind of let it go. But I just felt so hot and red and shamed. I know given my position I should have stood up for myself and breastfeeding better. Why did I let them make me feel I was doing something wrong?? Sigh. I'm NOT doing anthing wrong. I am doing whats best for my Ben....

    This is on top of Dh last night saying we need to wean him so that bedtime wont be so hard.... grrrrrrr........
    Kristin

    Momma to Benjamin, we recently made it nursing to age 2!!!!

    Benjamin born 9-17-09

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
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    Default Re: "Thats just too OLD!"

    Aw don't beat yourself up Momma. You didn't expect to be cornered, questioned or attacked at that moment. You weren't in that mindset, were concentrating on your job at hand and focused on the little one that needed you in the NICU.

    The good news is that you did stand up for yourself as much as you professionally could in the moment. Now you know that they are misinformed and will be better prepared for when it comes up again. You'll be in a much better position to educate them.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  3. #3
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    Default Re: "Thats just too OLD!"

    Because THEY are OLD. That's why. It's hard to convince old people who are set in their ways. They probably think you are a dirty hippy for breastfeeding at all.

    Way too lazy for formula

  4. #4
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    Default Re: "Thats just too OLD!"

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    Because THEY are OLD. That's why. It's hard to convince old people who are set in their ways. They probably think you are a dirty hippy for breastfeeding at all.
    and Oldy McOld.

    Be proud of yourself, mama - you took the high road. You focused on the baby who needed you, and you didn't say something like "oh, how sad that your daughter didn't put the baby first and continue to nurse" or "yes, I'm not surprised that ladies as OLD as you would be full of such sad misinformation".
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #5
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    Default Re: "Thats just too OLD!"

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    and Oldy McOld.

    Be proud of yourself, mama - you took the high road. You focused on the baby who needed you, and you didn't say something like "oh, how sad that your daughter didn't put the baby first and continue to nurse" or "yes, I'm not surprised that ladies as OLD as you would be full of such sad misinformation".


    I am never a person who can think of a witty comeback on the spot. I always think of things that I could have said later. Because of this I avoid talking about the fact that I nurse my almost 2 year old unless it's necessary. I don't hide it, I just don't bring it up. But I do think that some battles aren't worth fighting, and it sounds like that might be the case with these two ladies. You probably aren't going to change their minds this late in the game.
    Beth

    Exclusively pumped for Lance Oct 07
    Nursed until just before he turned 3 Levi Oct 09

    Do you have extra milk? Consider donating!
    http://www.hmbana.org/:

    "So I was welcomed by the consolations of human milk; but it was not my mother or my nurses who made any decision to fill their breasts, but you who through them gave me infant food, in accordance with your ordinance and the riches which are distributed deep in the natural order." -St Augustine

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
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    Default Re: "Thats just too OLD!"

    I can never think what to say in the moment either. I mentioned I planned to nurse my Dylan at least till 2 (he's 9 months now but during this conversation he was 3 months old!) to my SIL and she said, "Now that's just weird!" I felt cornered! I think I mumbled something like, "well we'll just see how things go..." and turned red. Not a shining lactivist moment but people sure put you on the spot with their negativity. MYOB gee!
    Mama to five beautiful kids- 9, 8, 3, 2 and currently nursing our new baby girl born 1/20/2013


    "It should not be necessary to tell reasonably intelligent mammals to suckle and not dismember their neonates." ~Susan Blustein

  7. #7
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    Default Re: "Thats just too OLD!"

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    and Oldy McOld.

    Be proud of yourself, mama - you took the high road. You focused on the baby who needed you, and you didn't say something like "oh, how sad that your daughter didn't put the baby first and continue to nurse" or "yes, I'm not surprised that ladies as OLD as you would be full of such sad misinformation".
    HA. Because I totally would have said that.

    Way too lazy for formula

  8. #8
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    Default Re: "Thats just too OLD!"

    You can also take this as an opportunity to set up a program in the NICU. What better place to plant the seeds of good Breast Feeding Practices for new Mom's and those involved in the NICU. As a Mom who spent 8 days in the NICU with my first, I can tell you that the words you hear from ANYONE in the NICU stick with you. It would be very unfortunate for one of these ladies who may be in a seemingly authoritative position (as someone who 'belongs' and knows everyone) to misinform a new Mom desperate for any information. Personal opinions should be checked at the door and only approved child care information uttered beyond those doors. You could be a trail blazer!
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  9. #9
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    Default Re: "Thats just too OLD!"

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom View Post
    Because THEY are OLD. That's why. It's hard to convince old people who are set in their ways. They probably think you are a dirty hippy for breastfeeding at all.


    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*amysmom View Post
    You can also take this as an opportunity to set up a program in the NICU. What better place to plant the seeds of good Breast Feeding Practices for new Mom's and those involved in the NICU. As a Mom who spent 8 days in the NICU with my first, I can tell you that the words you hear from ANYONE in the NICU stick with you. It would be very unfortunate for one of these ladies who may be in a seemingly authoritative position (as someone who 'belongs' and knows everyone) to misinform a new Mom desperate for any information. Personal opinions should be checked at the door and only approved child care information uttered beyond those doors. You could be a trail blazer!
    That is a great idea!
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  10. #10
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    Default Re: "Thats just too OLD!"

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*aprilsmagic View Post
    That is a great idea!
    Thanks. I dunno - I just feel that although it might make you feel better to come back with some snappy response, it doesn't help long term. It only gives you some short term happiness. The person making the statements is still misinformed and now also probably thinks you're some hippy-b!#@h. Especially in a situation like this where you're still going to be encountering her AND she has access to new parents to spread her misinformation.... Taking the high road and hopefully educating them is the better long term response for everyone involved and potentially involved in the future.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

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