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Thread: I need some advice!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
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    Middle of nowhere in Ohio
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    Default I need some advice!

    Hello all... Currently I am nursing my almost 10 mo old. He still eats every 4-5 hrs during the day. When I got pregnant with him I vowed I would let him self wean.. however the older he is getting I am becoming more resentful of not having much freedom and my husband giving excuses for not helping because he "doesn't have boobs". I am now unsure if I want to let him self wean or if I want to go 1-1/2 yrs, which would be a goal for me as well. Anyone else have these feelings? I feel like a bad mother. My other 2 I had to wean because of work issues. Help me please!
    Passed my CLC exam!

    Mother of 3: 12-25-04 12-3-07 1-13-2011

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    20,653

    Default Re: I need some advice!

    Totally normal to go through phases of impatience with nursing, especially as your baby transitions into the toddler stage. Is your frustration primarily due to the physical act of nursing, or is it due to lack of freedom and lack of assistance from your DH?
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2010
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    Minnesota, USA
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    Default Re: I need some advice!

    Sorry! I have had those same feelings of frustration with the lack of husband help and feeling resentful with the nursing relationship (a symptom of feeling overwhelmed by your responsibilities). No matter your choice, you are not a bad mom. For me, I found the importance of maintaining the nursing relationship to trump some of my other responsibilities. If my husband didn't pick up the slack, then oh well the clothes didn't get folded or we ate only a simple meal for dinner. Good luck!
    Son #1 Born Winter 2004 (BF/FF out of ignornance, nursed for 3 years)
    Son #2 Born Fall 2009 (EBF thanks to LLL!!!)

    Be the change you wish to see in the world!

    Best book ever: Gabrielle Palmer's "The Politics of Breastfeeding, when breasts are bad for business"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
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    Default Re: I need some advice!

    Thank you for the advice! I am not really irritated by the physical act of nursing, I actually enjoy it to be able to wind down and have those waves of emotion. It is mainly the lack of freedom, not being able to be gone for hours at a time for a shopping trip.. etc.. or being able to leave him with anyone for very long. My husband is actually very helpful in other ways, but when he gets fussy, it is hard to get him to help me.
    Passed my CLC exam!

    Mother of 3: 12-25-04 12-3-07 1-13-2011

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    20,653

    Default Re: I need some advice!

    Okay, that's not so bad then! When a momma is irritated by the physical act of breastfeeding, I think that's a lot harder to overcome than the lack of freedom. The good news is that you have just 2 very short months to go before your LO turns a year old. A year-old toddler is easier to leave than a 10 month old baby. You're still going to be tethered to him, but the tether is going to stretch more and more as time goes on! Pretty soon you'll be able to look your DH in the eye and say "If he is hungry, just feed him some solids and give him a sippy." And your DH will have no excuse for not being able to figure out how to care for or console your toddler.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    Default Re: I need some advice!

    After a year, you really get to define how nursing will work for you. Babies go through clingy phases, but by and large, most moms have a TON more freedom with toddler nursing than with infant nursing. So I'd say, you don't need a goal. You can play it by ear. Go to 1.5 years and see how you feel then. I've been gradually weaning Joe for a year and half now, if you want to look at it like that. Sudden weaning is hard work. Gradual weaning is easier. You set limits, one by one, you teach manners, you limit nursing time, whatever you need to continue to enjoy nursing as your baby gets older. This results in weaning so slow it may not be 100% self-weaning, but it is at least a team effort, a slow redefining of the relationship.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
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    Default Re: I need some advice!

    Thank you for the advice! I can tell he is getting less interested. Except for the morning feeds and night feeds, he doesn't seem as interested in nursing. Occassionally he will nurse before naptime. He seems happy, I haven't even really led the slow weaning, but it is nice to not be freaked out by a scedule.
    Passed my CLC exam!

    Mother of 3: 12-25-04 12-3-07 1-13-2011

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Cleveland, OH
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    Default Re: I need some advice!

    I am in the same place as you, turtledove. I planned on letting my son nurse until he wanted to stop but lately I have been looking forward to an end. His lack of interest is what is really starting to make me feel blah. The only time he nurses with purpose is if he is hurt or cranky and it can be a struggle to get him to nurse more than a few times a day on the weekend when we are together.

    I have also been wondering if he has developed a late-in-the-game nipple preference. He seems really agitated waiting for a let down, which has been taking longer and longer.
    My little man was born 12/17/2010.

    Baby girl was born 4/30/2014.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    Northern Cal.
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    Default Re: I need some advice!

    There are exceptions, but most 10 month old babies are pretty distractible and uninterested in nursing when anything else is going on. At around a year, most children have an increase in interest in nursing, as separation anxiety kicks in. Then once that is past, the interest may decrease again. It isn't a straight progression to weaning for most kids - there are ups and downs. 10 months is a very common time for a "down."


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
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    818

    Default Re: I need some advice!

    i agree with mommal about the toddler nursing/leaving snacks for dh. at 10 months i was more hesitant leaving her with dh, who sounds a lot like OPs DH. But at a year she was eating more solids confidently and I just started slow (leaving her with DH for 30 min-1 hr intervals). Now we've graduated to 2-3 hour stretches, somtimes twice in one day! so things should improve in the freedom department with time.

    Another way I "trained" DH was by doing stuff on the weekends that required him to watch LO exclusively for an hour. Usually cleaning related like...I need to mop all the floors! So he got to practice and I felt better about his abilities. Hang in there, I remember I was so excited when I got my first pedicure outside of the house when LO was 15 months (i.e. the first one I'd had in 15 months!)
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
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