My daughter is 3 months old and she was the first one of my babies that i have breast fed. I have had several struggles along the way, and it has finally come to an end with her.
A couple weeks ago, I had to take my little miss to the doctor, and was told she wasn't gaining enough weight. In 3 months she had only gained a couple oz. When born she weighed 8 lbs 11 oz. At 3 months she weighed 9 lbs and 1 oz. The doctor was so scared, he gave her a bottle right there in the office to see if she would even take a bottle. I well up in tear. Afraid I did something wrong.
She took her first bottle and then had another. Later, the doctor told me that if she wouldn't have taken a bottle that he was going to admit her in the hospital cause she was way to small.
So he told me to give her 2 bottles and then breast feed. So i have been doing that for a week, and have seen a lactation consultant and paid for advice. I have done everything i was told and more. After a week she just isn't getting satisfied from me anymore. She will use me as a pacifier, and i guess i have to take what i can get.
After the bottle feedings, my milk supply was slim to none anyway, that now I don't have any. I pump and get nothing, and feed and she gets fussy cause she isn't getting anything. I have come to terms with the fact that she is just going to take the bottle now, and use me as a pacifier sometimes.
I just really wish I was the food and not the bottle. We had it rough throughout the whole breastfeeding experience, but you know, I would do it all again. And i will with my next baby. My next baby will have a mommy that knows more and is better prepared. I made it 3 months and wanted 6 months at least. My next baby, will have at least 6 months, if not a year.
Just with my little miss could have went longer. Very heart broken, especially when my kids know I was drinking tea, eating oatmeal, and fish to bring back my supply. Pumping and feeding on demands... just not that order. Seeking professional help, to more professional help, to other mothers.
A few days ago my kids told me i couldn't drink coffee cause the cup i was using was mommy's tea cup so she could feed my little miss. I just about cried and when my husband asked what was wrong, I just can't put into words how it feels to feed my baby girl. I just wanted to tell him and all i could say is, "it makes me happy."
She still makes me happy, and putting my pride aside, her health is all that matters. If she can't get it from me, then i will do whatever it is to make my little girl healthy.
I just wanted to kinda express my heartbreak, i'm sorry for rambling. Just needed to vent a little.