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Thread: heartbroken

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    33

    Default heartbroken

    My daughter is 3 months old and she was the first one of my babies that i have breast fed. I have had several struggles along the way, and it has finally come to an end with her.

    A couple weeks ago, I had to take my little miss to the doctor, and was told she wasn't gaining enough weight. In 3 months she had only gained a couple oz. When born she weighed 8 lbs 11 oz. At 3 months she weighed 9 lbs and 1 oz. The doctor was so scared, he gave her a bottle right there in the office to see if she would even take a bottle. I well up in tear. Afraid I did something wrong.

    She took her first bottle and then had another. Later, the doctor told me that if she wouldn't have taken a bottle that he was going to admit her in the hospital cause she was way to small.

    So he told me to give her 2 bottles and then breast feed. So i have been doing that for a week, and have seen a lactation consultant and paid for advice. I have done everything i was told and more. After a week she just isn't getting satisfied from me anymore. She will use me as a pacifier, and i guess i have to take what i can get.

    After the bottle feedings, my milk supply was slim to none anyway, that now I don't have any. I pump and get nothing, and feed and she gets fussy cause she isn't getting anything. I have come to terms with the fact that she is just going to take the bottle now, and use me as a pacifier sometimes.

    I just really wish I was the food and not the bottle. We had it rough throughout the whole breastfeeding experience, but you know, I would do it all again. And i will with my next baby. My next baby will have a mommy that knows more and is better prepared. I made it 3 months and wanted 6 months at least. My next baby, will have at least 6 months, if not a year.

    Just with my little miss could have went longer. Very heart broken, especially when my kids know I was drinking tea, eating oatmeal, and fish to bring back my supply. Pumping and feeding on demands... just not that order. Seeking professional help, to more professional help, to other mothers.

    A few days ago my kids told me i couldn't drink coffee cause the cup i was using was mommy's tea cup so she could feed my little miss. I just about cried and when my husband asked what was wrong, I just can't put into words how it feels to feed my baby girl. I just wanted to tell him and all i could say is, "it makes me happy."

    She still makes me happy, and putting my pride aside, her health is all that matters. If she can't get it from me, then i will do whatever it is to make my little girl healthy.

    I just wanted to kinda express my heartbreak, i'm sorry for rambling. Just needed to vent a little.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    57

    Default Re: heartbroken

    So sorry mama! I wish I could offer a little advice, but I'm dealing with weight issues with my LO, too. He's my second, and the first to EBF past the first couple of weeks. I know how you feel. I had the same feelings about the bottle with my DD, and there's a real possibility of going down the same road with DS. Ramble and vent away. There are plenty of shoulders here.
    Mamma to: DD (02.2010) and DS (08.2011)
    We cloth diaper and are new to baby-wearing.
    Learning to trust my instincts and turn off my scientifically-trained brain!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Boring ole Michigan
    Posts
    205

    Default Re: heartbroken

    Yes feel free to vent away! That is very heartbreaking and I know it must be very hard. The important thing to remember is that you are doing what is best for your LO!

    Even though you cant BF, no one can be used as a pacifier like you can be to her- and that right there can create a special bond in itself! I am sure she loves to cuddle with mama and be cradled asleep while enjoying the warmth and comfort from mama's breast! You still provide that comfort that is unique between only you two and I think that is beautiful
    July 27 2011

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    192

    Default Re: heartbroken

    I'm so sorry. I know it's heartbreaking when the nursing relationship doesn't work out like you want. I'm currently pumping exclusively for nutrition and nursing for comfort, because I was in a similar situation. Keep nursing your LO when she wants and you never know what might happen in the future.
    Stay at home mom to my 2 boys:
    R - born 4/20/08, nursed for 20 months
    G - born 8/6/11, EPd for 4 months, until he refused the bottle!
    Loving CDing this time around!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    33

    Default Re: heartbroken

    My doctor has put me back on the birth control that i was on when my milk supply went away. I don't have a choice for my health, I actually had to go back to it. The mini pill was working good but was making me kinda moody. I know the stress of not being able to breast feed has had an affect on my mood, but i have a problem with pills making me mean. And this pill was no exception. I called the doc and she put me back on my other pill. Plus, we thought there was a chance i might be pregnant and my body can't take it right now. So since my milk went away and i'm just the pacifier then i don't have a choice but to do what is best for her and give her the bottle and do what will keep my marriage and take a different pill that was working with me. I love my family for putting up with me cause i know it is bad.

    I am coming to terms with the fact that i'm not breastfeeding any more. I just want that mommy time with her like i had. And my husband understands. It's just nice to see when someone else tries to help she doesn't want them, only mommy or daddy. I like that.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    192

    Default Re: heartbroken

    You gave your LO a wonderful gift by nursing her as long as you did. Be proud of that accomplishment, and the fact that you are doing what is best for your marriage and family.
    Stay at home mom to my 2 boys:
    R - born 4/20/08, nursed for 20 months
    G - born 8/6/11, EPd for 4 months, until he refused the bottle!
    Loving CDing this time around!

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