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Thread: Falling Asleep on Mom?

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Sunny Arizona
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    3,171

    Default Re: Falling Asleep on Mom?

    My DD was very high needs and needed to be held all the time. This was quite a shock since my son was so laid back. What helped me was once she was asleep I'd hang with her until she was really really out. Like deep sleep to the point if I rearranged her arms or legs she didn't even notice. Then I'd make sure she was swaddled and tuck a dirty shirt around her. Usually whatever shirt I had worn the day before. She could still smell me so she was ok.

    It is a survival instinct for him to want his mom 24/7. Even if he was fed formula, he'd still want her. She is his whole world. The only thing that is familiar to him is her smell, her voice, her heartbeat.

    And yes it does get better. Usually around 6-9 weeks, but it's different for everyone. Just roll with it. He'll never be this little again. You'll blink and it'll be his first birthday. I know right now it's all sleep deprivation and worry but you'll find a new normal.

    Oh and make sure to give her time to shower and eat. Even if he is unhappy in your arms, he is still being comforted. Maybe not in his preferred method of mom, but he'll learn that daddy has his own set of awesome qualities. There will be a learning curve for both of you, but you two will find your groove together as well.

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
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    17,439

    Default Re: Falling Asleep on Mom?

    Don't be. (At the e nd of your rope).And do not feed into that mindset. Encourage her. Help her stay focused. It SEEMS like a long and tired road, but in terms of his life and how you will be parent him, the 6-12 weeks she spends nursing him non-stop is really the blink of an eye. Does 5 weeks seem like a long enough period of time to you for a new being to get used to the idea of this big wide world and comfortably move away from the only thing they know and are familiar with? It's not. Let go of the idea that she should be doing ANYTHING ELSE BUT feeding him. And encourage her to do the same. He is still working to regulate her supply. He stomach smaller than HIS fist. How often do you think a stomach that big can needs to be reloaded? Every hour or so is the answer. And he is about to hit another growth spurt if he's not already in one.
    She should wake up in the morning with ONE GOAL in mind. Feed the baby. She should have a nursing station set up. Where her food, drink, phone, books or magazines and remotes are. We all spent the first 6-12 weeks in our PJ's on the couch nursing. And very few of us found showering to be something that happened on a regular basis. Accept that and help her do the same. That is NORMAL. Your baby needs to regulate his milk supply and the growth that they experience in their organs and tissues those first 12 weeks HUGE. I mean some kids double their birth weight. Your child has gained a lb. You need to change your paradigm about this period of time. Some babies are high needs. That has nothing to do with milk supply. Don't let the screaming intimidate you. I had an easy baby. And I still didn't leave the house AT ALL except for doctor appointments until he was 8 weeks old. That is how it is set up by mother nature. The first 12 weeks the baby really should always be with their mother. Get her a wrap if you haven't already and just encourage her to take this time to get to know her son. They are only tiny like this for such a short time. The baby is not going to fit into the life that you had before. Do the dishes. Cook or get take out. The House work will wait. She is still working on growing the baby.

    Way too lazy for formula

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    3,319

    Default Re: Falling Asleep on Mom?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*amy.marie View Post
    Oh and make sure to give her time to shower and eat. Even if he is unhappy in your arms, he is still being comforted. Maybe not in his preferred method of mom, but he'll learn that daddy has his own set of awesome qualities. There will be a learning curve for both of you, but you two will find your groove together as well.
    I couldn't agree more with this--it is exhausting, and she's (and you're!) going to be more exhausted than you could ever have imagined, but what made a huge difference for me was being able to shower every day. Even if that was the only thing I was able to do that didn't involve nursing, it made everything else bearable. I needed that part of my normal routine, and even a really difficult day (growth spurts, for example) was doable if I'd had a shower. I would never have been able to nurse as long as I did without the support of my son's dad--he fed me, brought me drinks, made sure I had a break when I was at the end of my rope--so know how important and how appreciated you are in this thing. She may be doing the nursing, but your part is absolutely as crucial as hers.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Virginia
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    362

    Default Re: Falling Asleep on Mom?

    Having only had 1 LO, from my experience... this is all completelty normal. He has good output, and he is nursing to like a 5 week old. I think at some point when I was sitting on the couch nursing for the cazinllionth(yea, I know, not a word lol) time, I thought, wow... I think I have nursed non-stop for like 3 days!!!! We co-slept for the most part, but my son still wouldn't give me more than 2 hours of rest. I think it was around 3 months it changed to a little less demanding on my time. This is just one of the hard parts of breastfeeding... you lose yourself to that little one for as long as it takes to get thier needs met. I resigned myself to a terribly messy house for longer than I wanted... heck, its still hard to keep it like it was pre-baby.

    just keep at it... it does get better... it takes lots of time to get into that rythm, and when they start cluster-feeding its really tough. Gosh, I think I called my LLL friend 20 times asking the same things, she would tell me its ok, but then I would have this little doubt creep up. I think a lot of it is from not having experienced breastfeeding prior to having one of my own. I mean, you probably have about 20 people who can tell you how to formula feed, but breastfeeding seems to be a little less prevalent. At least in my life thats how it was. Keep coming here and asking questions, people will answer. Your doing fine, it has hard days, and easy days. Your LO is better off for your work!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    10,440

    Default Re: Falling Asleep on Mom?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*daddydearest View Post
    Sigh. Hi again.

    I feel like I keep posting the same stuff, but I guess I'm just posting to get some reassurance. Our DS is still nursing round the clock; literally. My wife can't put him down for a second - if she does, he screams, then nurses for a few minutes, then falls asleep on her. She's unable to do anything during the day because she nurses him non-stop from about 10AM - 1AM. Luckily he does give us about 2-3 hour stretches at night, if he's asleep next to us in our bed.

    I just don't know what to do. My wife's suffering. I know BFing's not easy, and supposedly it gets better? But our DS is 5 weeks old and this is showing no sign of letting up. Yesterday he gave us 3-4 dirty diapers (mostly liquidy, not so much creamy or yogurty) and about 6 wet diapers. The diaper count seems good, but I think it's a product of the nonstop feeding.

    Is this normal? (yes, a thousand times yes - I know, but I guess I need to hear it again and again... being a guy means I'm thick like that ) Will it get better? Is there a point at which we should start being concerned if it doesn't get better? Just as a reference, here were his weight gains. Note that we did supplement on and off with some formula, but really not with very much, and never really consistently. So I'd say our DS was 90-95% BF:

    8/30/2011 2765
    9/2/2011 2560
    9/6/2011 2650
    9/13/2011 2940
    9/20/2011 3100
    9/25/2011 3210

    Note: all weights in grams. In ounces, I'd say he was born 6lbs 1.3oz, and at last weighing on 9/25 he was 7lbs 1oz. Does that gain look normal? He's to be weighed again this Thursday as he's also getting his second dose of the Hep B vaccine. But I'm worried that his gain has started to gradually slow and that also his eating habits have begun taking their toll on my wife, to the point where she can't even shower (of course if I hold him she can, but he will SCREAM).

    Ahh, sorry for the long rambling post, but I feel like we're at the end of our ropes and we just don't know what to do!
    My third baby was like that. He wanted nothing to do with Daddy. Just Mom. 24/7. And the ONLY thing you can do is go with it. He was like 5 seconds old when I handed him to Daddy after catching him. He screamed bloody murder until I took him back and he was like that for 14 months. Now, he's all about Daddy. "Daddy do it!" :rolleyes
    1. Hold baby while she showers and eats. Yes, baby will cry and fuss because he's not on Mom, but it's not like you are just leaving the baby somewhere to cry. Wrap baby in your wife's dirty shirt and hold baby, as that might help soothe him. She won't need more than a few minutes anyway, and baby might settle down and sleep for a little while.
    2. I know I've said this to you before, and now I'm TELLING you (yes, I'm a mom of four -- that makes me bossy ) Go buy her a sling. Go get a Moby Wrap (but you won't be using it too much longer) or a Maya Wrap. Those are probably the two easiest to find. And that will let her get some hands-free time but let baby have what he NEEDS, which is to be with mom.
    3. Continue cosleeping. You are going to get flak over it. But I've coslept with all of my kids, and I can tell you there is a point where they move out. My two oldest are in their own beds (although one kept waking and needing one of us to help him back to sleep last night, which happens), and the third said he wants his own bed (!) as he finally feels ready for it. It's not for forever, and it isn't a bad thing. But if it helps everyone get more rest, it's a great thing.

    Even if you were bottle feeding, these things would happen. My fourth is a baby I pump for and bottle feed (he has a cleft palate severe enough to preclude nursing), and he is sleeping on me right now. He won't sleep anywhere else....and he's almost 9 months old! It comes with time.

    I recently read that ALL children, no matter how they are fed or whether or not you CIO or do other sleep training or not, will ALL need, at one point or another (or more) some help to get back to sleep or to sleep until they are around THREE. That makes total sense and totally fits with my personal experience.

    You're doing fine. Those first few weeks are tough. It gets somewhat easier, usually around 6 weeks, and then easier again around 3 months, and I've personally found all my babies have gotten a lot easier when they can entertain themselves for a few minutes in a baby gym or can sit up.

    Diaper count can vary a lot and still be within normal limits. My second only pooped every 10-14 days and was totally normal. My fourth goes a lot more.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    818

    Default Re: Falling Asleep on Mom?

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*aprilsmagic View Post
    I know I've said this to you before, and now I'm TELLING you (yes, I'm a mom of four -- that makes me bossy ) Go buy her a sling. Go get a Moby Wrap (but you won't be using it too much longer) or a Maya Wrap. Those are probably the two easiest to find. And that will let her get some hands-free time but let baby have what he NEEDS, which is to be with mom.


    Here's some links if you like buying stuff online instead:
    www.mayawrap.com
    www.mobywrap.com
    http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_no...%3Daps&x=0&y=0
    http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_no...Ck%3Amaya+wrap
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
    Mami de mi preciosa Elenita
    http://forums.llli.org/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=32384&dateline=131170  7429 OakRoseCharms Free Shipping for LLLadies just pm me! My Blog

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    77

    Default Re: Falling Asleep on Mom?

    I really think a sling is a lifesaver!!! You can even nurse while wearing it. Totally wish I would have had when when my daughter was small
    Mommy to
    Ava 9.24.08 self weaned at 2.5
    August 8.19.11 still nursing, trying to wean gently
    Abram 9.12.13

  8. #18
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    126

    Default Re: Falling Asleep on Mom?

    I totally agee with PP. My second only wanted to be held by mom for the longest time. I love my sling. I'd suggest shopping around and finding a good sling. I have a really simple one (Cloth with 2 O rings) that I can carry her in, nurse her in, what ever. In the mornings when I started back to work, I'd hold her in it with the cloth pulled up (sometimes with her upright on my chest, sometimes laying down nursing) while I got ready for work. She'd sack out hard and I could put her down on the bed with DH.
    It sounds like you have a baby with a real need to be held by mom. Try a sling, hold him while your wife showers and he screams (try some music in the background) and hang in there!

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    362

    Default Re: Falling Asleep on Mom?

    Yes!! a sling or a wrap.. there are oodles of different kinds to choose from, and you can even make your own(you can find instructions online)... watch youtube vidoes on how to use them, practice with dolls, or baby with some help. It does take a little practice, but I promise it will make things a little easier around the house. I had a wrap and a sling given to me, I didn't pull them out until LO was about 5 months old or so... wow, kicknig myself for not using them earlier!!

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