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Thread: Disapproving Mother-in-law & Family

  1. #1

    Default Disapproving Mother-in-law & Family

    Hello Ladies!

    I have a question for everyone- have any of you experienced disapproval from family members for breastfeeding your toddler & if so how did you deal with it? I am a happily breastfeeding vegetarian mother to 2 girls, one of whom I breastfeed. She is 17 months old & I breastfeed her full time as well as cosleep. My mother in law has expressed concern to my husband that I still breastfeed & she feels that it is not necessary anymore & is slowly swaying my husbands opinion in the same direction. She also makes a point to make snide remarks while I am with my daughter and have to excuse myself to feed her. It is frustrating as I know I am doing what is best for Gigi yet I am getting no support. I am a very direct person & would love to tell my mother in law and other family members to do some research and get the facts regarding breastfeeding before judging me for caring properly for my daughter but my husband does not want a confrontation. Anyways- I suppose I need some tools to deal with this situation in a graceful manner. Any advice would be greatly appreciated & just knowing that I am not the only bf mother out there that faces discrimination for caring for my daughter. Thanks ladies!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Disapproving Mother-in-law & Family

    Next time it comes up you can casually mention that the WHO recoemmends bfeeding for 2 years and that the pediatrician she sees recommends it as well. If she isn't satisfied you can passively use the "oh well it doesnt hurt- its rich in nutrients" line.

    When my MIL questions something I just say it is what the doctor told me to do. and then she says "Oh wow it had changed since I had children" to which I respond to with a "yeah i know- its nuts how everything keeps changing.."
    very passive response that avoids any confrontation.
    July 27 2011

  3. #3

    Default Re: Disapproving Mother-in-law & Family

    Thanks for the reply! Ironically I use the WHO line with everyone that questions me about breastfeeding haha. I will definitely use the DR line too.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Disapproving Mother-in-law & Family

    Make sure you say a minimum of 2 years or longer, or they'll be making rude comments about weaning at her 2nd birthday.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Disapproving Mother-in-law & Family

    If your husband doesn't want a confrontation he needs to tell his mother to stop bringing it up. The confrontation is on HER not you.
    “We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
    --Anonymous

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Disapproving Mother-in-law & Family

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*norasmommy View Post
    If your husband doesn't want a confrontation he needs to tell his mother to stop bringing it up. The confrontation is on HER not you.
    Agreed. I field "situations" with my family. DH fields "situations" with his family. If he has an opinion on how this should be handled, then he should be handling it. And his job is to back up YOU, HIS family.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Disapproving Mother-in-law & Family

    Usually I use the information/research method. Like "Gee, MIL, you seem very concerned with how I feed my child, what specifically are your issues?"

    see what she says, then

    "I can tell then that you'd be very interested in the medical studies and new recomendations regarding BF, yes it may be boring to read several volumes on the benefits of extended BF, but I can tell since you mention it so often that it is a subject germane to your daily life. Lets do lunch next week, in the mean time I will email you all the studies and info and lets discuss it in detail then!"
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Disapproving Mother-in-law & Family

    wanted to second using the dr. line, its worked for us at the year mark, but we'll see how it goes as we approach 18 months
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
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    http://forums.llli.org/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=32384&dateline=131170  7429 OakRoseCharms Free Shipping for LLLadies just pm me! My Blog

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Disapproving Mother-in-law & Family

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*norasmommy View Post
    If your husband doesn't want a confrontation he needs to tell his mother to stop bringing it up. The confrontation is on HER not you.
    Exactly! Sorry to say this, but your DH is totally letting you down. It is his job to field issues with his family, and handle them in a way that protects you, just as it is your job to handle issues with your family, etc. If he won't man up and handle this situation, then you are utterly within your rights as a person and as a mom to be as direct as you want to be.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Disapproving Mother-in-law & Family

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*norasmommy View Post
    If your husband doesn't want a confrontation he needs to tell his mother to stop bringing it up. The confrontation is on HER not you.
    Another person agreeing with this!

    You can choose to either educate (if you think MIL might be open to learning). Or smile & nod then change the topic.

    IMO things like this are the business of MY family and NOT grandparents, neighbors, etc.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

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