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Thread: borrowing trouble?!?!!?

  1. #11

    Default Re: borrowing trouble?!?!!?

    I couldn't leave, but my husband split from his girlfriend when my SD was only 11 mos old. He sees her 3 days out of the week and their relationship seems to be blooming...She's 4 now. Sometimes when she got sick or was on vacation he wouldn't see her for close to a month, and she was between 1 and 2. So, maybe it's harder on the mama than the baby? Still I couldn't do it.
    Carmen-Noel mum to James born naturally 8/28/2010.
    Mommy's little pumpkin head


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  2. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: borrowing trouble?!?!!?

    When Joe was five months old, I imagined that by the time he was one, I could leave him overnight. Well, one came and went, and I still felt he was too young. He's now 28 months and I admit, I STILL haven't left him overnight. It's not that I don't think anyone can leave their one year old or (heavens) two year old for a night or that it's too young as a rule - absolutely not. But I think it's something very specific to the mom and the baby. Joe has never been a good sleeper, he sleeps with me, and still breastfeeds at night. So he needs me at night, and I don't feel comfortable leaving him. But every child is different. If Joe slept through the night, I'd feel differently.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    818

    Default Re: borrowing trouble?!?!!?

    I just wanted to agree with the pps. If you would have asked me pre-baby if I'd be leaving Elena for overnight stays at grandma's house by the time she was 1 I would have said "hell yes!" I also thought I'd have weaned her onto cow milk too but of course everything changed! I also have a LO who night wakes a lot, and I refuse to leave her overnight anywhere with anyone but me. It's definitely a personal choice since I have friends who do overnight stays all the time for their LOs even at a few months old and would just pump while away from their kiddos. I know that's an option for others, but I chose not to do it. At this point I'm now wondering, when will we ever do an overnight stay? And I'm thinking, maybe by kindergarten?
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
    Mami de mi preciosa Elenita
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  4. #14

    Default Re: borrowing trouble?!?!!?

    with PP's I also wanted to suggest that you and your DH should do something together as a couple during that time however. He is obviously wanting to spend some time with you alone. I also could not leave my LO at 13 months old...but I try to have some definite alone time with the hubby (especially when he suggests it :-)
    I'm Melanie

    First time mom to my sweet baby girl born October 2010
    Still
    We full-time and love it!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,374

    Default Re: borrowing trouble?!?!!?

    My son is 5.5 years old and I still have never been away from him overnight. And at this point he is old enough that we will let HIM make that call.

    Way too lazy for formula

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    36

    Default Re: borrowing trouble?!?!!?

    Oh, Mama!

    I would like to reinforce some of the main points already made, while offering a slightly different perspective.

    My first two children were each in daycare by 13-14 months. Late Son was no longer nursing by that age. Elder Daughter was, but I was feeling guilty about it, not knowing any better. (I came from a family that had breastfed, but that always switched to a bottle and cow's milk by age 1.) And I believe Elder Daughter had already had at least one overnight stay with Grandma by that age. (Can't remember for sure; that was nearly 20 years ago!)

    Despite these factors--the bottle-feeding, the lesser attachment, and the weaning or thoughts that I "should"--I could not have left either of them at that age for a 5-7 day vacation! Not only would it have gone against my feelings, but my family--farm people with whom children come first--would have been aghast at the very idea! (Leaving baby with Grandma overnight was one thing--that was family bonding. Leaving baby for something so "frivolous" as a vacation would have been something else entirely!)

    Now, with Happy Toddler (19mo), I'm a stay-at-home mom and still nursing--willingly, this time. HT still needs the comfort of the breast at night, even at this age, so leaving her overnight anywhere is out of the question. Hubby and I will sometimes leave HT with in-laws for up to 4 hours, but it isn't very often yet.

    All told, mama, I'm thinking that you aren't being silly, you're having some strong "baby first" instincts. And I'm also thinking that you and your hubby have some difficult conversations ahead. Here's wishing you good luck with them! I hope you can find a compromise that lets everybody win.
    Mama Jen

    Mom to:
    Happy Toddler, 19 months, still bfeeding
    Late Son, passed at age 8, bfed 5 months
    Daughter the Elder, age 19 yrs, bfed for 22 months

  7. #17
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    126

    Default Re: borrowing trouble?!?!!?

    I agree with PP's, really what it comes down to is that you're stressed about it already, so you'll be even more stressed when the time comes! It's really a very personal issue. My LO just turned 1. We left her with grandpa for 3 nights to take our 6 yr old to Disneyland. We really felt that the older one needed some time with mom and dad. But I really missed my LO the whole time. Plus I had to pump the whole time! And I really couldn't have left her longer than I did! For a 5-7 day cruise where you have lots of time to think about how much you miss your LO, would be really tough! And if you're already stressed, I can't see you enjoying it. Why spend that much money for a 'vacation' you won't really enjoy?

    Maybe you could do a short (over night) trip together? Then you can have some time alone, but not be away from your LO? Or maybe you could see if there's a cruise line that has baby sitting services offered? Then you could have a vacation, have some time alone but still have baby along?

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    1,511

    Default Re: borrowing trouble?!?!!?

    Yep, I agree with the others. My oldest is almost 5 and the only times I have been away from him overnight is when I was in the hospital having #2. I hated every minute of that, but even then, my dh was home at night with them. I still would not consider leaving my boys for 5 - 7 days - even at 2 and 4. Part of it is that they are not super close to anyone where I would feel okay leaving them for that long. Both sets of grandparents are in different states, so they see them once a year. If we saw grandparents every other day, I might feel differently. And, at this point, just mentioning spending the night at a friends house makes Henry, my 4 year old, cling to me, protesting. I could not have done it at 13 months.

    Hi, I'm Allison

    Mama to Henry Carl 12/28/06

    7lbs, 15 oz, 20.5 in
    Breastfed for 20 months!

    Mama to Ryan Thomas 11/20/08
    8lbs, 7 oz, 21 in
    Breastfed for 30 months!
    Mama to angel 4/03, Mama to angel 12/05


    Feb TBTTW 33.1/70

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