Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: MIL said my son is immature. GRRR!!!!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    174

    Default MIL said my son is immature. GRRR!!!!

    Okay, so several months ago, we sold our house and moved in with MIL while we looking for a different one to buy. We actually close on our new house today, so we will be moving over the next few weeks. My MIL watches Ben while I am at work.
    She formula fed/CIO her kids, and thats what every person in their family has done as well. She has been great with me breastfeeding Ben, always had my back, and was very supportive. Until several months ago.. when she felt Ben was too old to nurse. Now he is 2.
    She has made several comments:
    "Oh Kristin, He's too big for that."
    "He's soo immature and doesn't mind. If he slept in his own bed he would be more mature."
    "He's just using you for a pacifier"
    "All of those one year olds at the birthday party are more mature than Ben"
    "If he didn't have a boob in his mouth he would be talking more"


    Keep in mind, there are also times where she will say he just needs to nurse, like if he is cranky. And I have very politely told her I find these things insulting, and that boys don't tend to talk as early as girls, and that he is 2 OF COURSE he is immature, and that he is actually ATTACHED to me, and that the other kids are in day care their parents go out all the time and leave them with sitters and bottle feed and CIO and blah blah blah. She listens, but its clear that she holds her own opinion.

    I think it will be better when we move out and into our own house. And I love her, I do, she is an amazing MIL and we get along very well usually. We are close.

    The kicker though, is that she is buying the empty lot next to our brand new house, and will begin building a house of her own RIGHT NEXT DOOR. Sigh. Maybe Ben will be weaned by then (it may be a year before that house is built) and I won't have to deal with this.

    Normally she is very educatable on breastfeeding but this toddler nursing business blows her mind I guess.
    I have called and made an appointment with a speech therapist to see if he is indeed behind on speech, he is very intelligent, just doesn't care to speak a lot. What he DOES say is clear and his hearing is fine, and his fine motor skills are fantastic.
    Kristin

    Momma to Benjamin, we recently made it nursing to age 2!!!!

    Benjamin born 9-17-09

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: MIL said my son is immature. GRRR!!!

    What does your DH say about her comments? I think you've been very clear about your wants for your child. Her comments are hurtful, not constructive and that needs to stop. DH's mother, his problem as far as I'm concerned. But if he won't step in, he should expect that you WILL defend your child and possibly need to damage your relationship with his Mother if she's allowed to continue.

    As for her buying the empty lot beside your new house? Find another house. Or was that the plan when you chose your house? It's one thing if it was "the plan" and quite another if she announced it after you bought it.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    2,197

    Default Re: MIL said my son is immature. GRRR!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*wreckgoddess View Post
    "Oh Kristin, He's too big for that."
    "He's soo immature and doesn't mind. If he slept in his own bed he would be more mature."
    "He's just using you for a pacifier"
    "All of those one year olds at the birthday party are more mature than Ben"
    "If he didn't have a boob in his mouth he would be talking more"
    I'm thinking polite and indirect may not be the way to go anymore.

    "If he wanted to talk more, he would make sure his mouth is empty."
    "When he is ready to sleep alone, he will."
    "If he were too big to nurse, he wouldn't be nursing anymore."

    She's stringing two possibly correlated ideas together, assuming the direction of causation, and then attaching judgment and expectation to those assumptions. Not cool. This is something that is fine for you to deal with or not, as you see fit, so long as it's between the two of you, but if she is saying these things in front of your son? She's got to stop that. It is confusing and unkind.
    Teal

    25 May 96 and 14 January 08 and 27 February 2012

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: MIL said my son is immature. GRRR!!!

    Obviously, I disagree with her. But I think it might be time to just say, "Look, we disagree on this issue. I know your viewpoint, and you know mine. I know we both have LO's needs at heart, but I have no intention of weaning my LO, so there's no point arguing about it. Can we just not talk about this?" You could argue the issue until you're blue in the face, but you're more likely to change her mind through your actions anyway, so declare the topic off-limits. Also, this allows you to firmly stand up for yourself while respectfully acknowledging your difference in opinion. Otherwise, any witty retorts just escalate the bickering, and you want to live harmoniously together.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    2,587

    Default Re: MIL said my son is immature. GRRR!!!

    I agree with Joe's Mom...witty remarks sound really good on paper but they rarely come across as mature or respectful. Sometimes just saying "this isn't up for discussion" works. The last time I had my daughter at my in law's (a few weeks ago) she just nursed in the bedroom and they didn't see it and I didn't say anything and I am not trying to hide it but not really telling them either but in your case you are probably seeing each other way too often for that (we see in laws maybe 4 x /yr).
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    818

    Default Re: MIL said my son is immature. GRRR!!!

    great advice already I can't imagine MIL living next door That said, probably best to figure out some way to deal with her comments now b/c you'll be getting plenty once she's next door.

    You implied that you explain yourself when she makes comments and that she hears you but keeps her opinion anyway. Maybe just don't explain anymore and be more dismissive and even humorous about her comments. Sometimes making light of things diffuses the tension. Things like 'Don't be silly grandma! He's just great!" laughing laughing...etc Although it depends on her temperament, some people might think that's disrespectful? If she wants to be very serious about it, the other suggestions from the pps will probably work too

    That explaining stuff gets old (btdt).
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
    Mami de mi preciosa Elenita
    http://forums.llli.org/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=32384&dateline=131170  7429 OakRoseCharms Free Shipping for LLLadies just pm me! My Blog

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    806

    Default Re: MIL said my son is immature. GRRR!!!

    family (esp MILs, it seems) can be the most challenging people when it comes to breastfeeding ignorance because we actually CARE about what these people think of us, and are emotionally invested in them, not to mention we're sort of obligated to try to keep the peace, LOL. strangers with ignorant comments are much more fun to deal w/... hehehehehehe

    you've gotten good advice from the pp's with regard to what you need to say to her at this point. i had to do it, too. my MIL told me when dd was 6 mos old, "darling, she's getting TEETH, that is nature and god's way of telling you it's time to stop". oh, boy!
    the best food blog you aren't reading

    i'm beth, mama to:

    lila, 11/6/08, nursed until 2yrs 10 mos, weaned during pregnancy

    -and-

    max, 2/16/12, my huge new little nursling

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: MIL said my son is immature. GRRR!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*marinaew View Post
    my MIL told me when dd was 6 mos old, "darling, she's getting TEETH, that is nature and god's way of telling you it's time to stop". oh, boy!
    Ugh. Every mammal on the planet gets teeth long before weaning.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    2,587

    Default Re: MIL said my son is immature. GRRR!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*amysmom View Post
    Ugh. Every mammal on the planet gets teeth long before weaning.
    The funny thing that most people don't think of, is that if babies nursed with their alveolar ridge it would hurt so badly (because probably most of us have had a baby who latched on a few times or more incorrectly and know how it feels) so really it isn't the teeth, it's where they latch on.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    2,005

    Default Re: MIL said my son is immature. GRRR!!!

    Great advice from joe's mom.
    Closing it for duscussion is probably the best idea.
    I truly have the best mil in the world, but there are some things we just don't talk about.
    Proud mom of 2 boys, both weaned gradually and with love.


    Find a local LLL leader

    For each and every one of us, the person from whom we can learn the most is our own baby: listen to him. - Mary White, LLL co-founder

    The best-kept secret in child psychology is that children who were never spanked are among the best behaved."
    Murray Straus, Ph.D.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •