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Thread: Please help - I'm afraid

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    57

    Default Please help - I'm afraid

    I'm a sahm to a beautiful 5mo boy. Recently he started doing these things that really irritate me. I feel so guilty and awful that these innocent behaviors irritate me so much. He makes these long, rough grunts, and he might go on for 10 minutes or more. This sounds so stupid, but it drives me up the wall. Also, when he nurses, he sucks a couple of times and then turns his head to 'slide' off my nipple. It doesn't hurt, but I just hate it. After two or three slides I stop nursing and try to distract him. But he does the same thing the next time, all day long.

    I'm afraid becaus by the end of the day I can feel myself handling him more roughly because my nerves are so frayed. God, I feel awful just writing this, but I'm afraid I'm going to hurt him. Today is the fifth day or so that he's been doing this and I'm starting to feel vindictive. Please help me; I don't know what to do.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    SoCal
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    Default Re: Please help - I'm afraid

    Oh mama The anxiety can be overwhelming. Is there someone you can have help you for even a little while while you get away? I also think you should talk to a professional immediately. If you think you will hurt your child you BOTH deserve to feel better. He's a baby doing baby stuff and you are a mommy who is overwhelmed and maybe has some post partum depression or anxiety. I have felt an overwhelming anxiety as well s

    Where are you located? Maybe someone can give you some specific locations to look for help. Please ask for help in the mean time, set baby down and walk in the other room to collect yourself.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Please help - I'm afraid

    very good advice.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Please help - I'm afraid

    Being a sahm can be really tough sometimes Hang in there. The long rough grunts may be just his way of finding his voice. Trying new things to explore making new sounds. He is probably really amusing himself by doing this (even though to others it may sound like nails on a chalkboard ). Developmentally that is quite normal. Also, the sliding from your nipple is very common for that age because they are so easily distracted. Are you nursing in an area where there are distractions? Sometimes mom's find it easier to keep a good latch if they go to a dark quite room to nurse and hum or sing to your baby so that there isn't anything to focus on but you. Here's an article on the distractible baby: http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns...ible-baby.html

    Being the stay at home parent isn't easy. What sort of support system do you have? Is the baby's dad in the picture? Does he give you a break? Any family or friends close by that can drop by and let you grab a shower or run out for a coffee? Mama needs a break too

    And I agree with PP, I'd go talk to your doc about the possibility of postpartum depression. It's more common than you might think and there are lots of treatments for it (some medical, others include regular exercise, vitamins, food choices etc). And just so you know, Postpartum Depression is the most common in the fourth month postpartum, so around now would be the time that you would notice symptoms if you do have ppd. It could also be anxiety related. I suffer from anxiety and talking to your doctor is the first step. Just knowing about it and understanding it helped me make sense of everything. Daily exercise and fresh air did wonders for me.

    And don't feel awful writing it. It's how you feel. It could be something as simple as needing more sleep, or it could be something more. Recognizing how you feel is a GREAT thing. A very responsible thing. You are a great mama! You see that how you feel could negatively affect your baby, so the next step is to try to improve how you feel during the day. Increase your support network, don't be afraid to ask for help, get outside for walks in the fresh air, and make an appointment with your doctor
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  5. #5
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    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: Please help - I'm afraid

    Boy do I know what that feels like. You shouldn't feel guilty, however you should see it as a sign that you need to ask for help. And it can't be virtually, like us. You need to be able to hand your son off for a few hours and defuse. It does not make you a bad mother at all. It makes you human. I see it the same as the air mask analogy. Put the mask on yourself before your little ones. If you aren't taking care of you, how can you possibly take care of your son.
    If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. - Katharine Hepburn

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    57

    Default Re: Please help - I'm afraid

    Thanks so much for the support. I already feel less panicked, and on Monday I'm going to call my doctor. I didn't know that PPD could set in later. I thought if I felt ok after the first couple weeks then I wouldn't have it. Also, I had been walking a lot in the third month, but I dropped off recently. That probably didn't help. Tonight I went for a short walk, and tomorrow I'm going to start my longer ones again.

    I have people who would help me with baby care, including my husband. I've been my own problem there, because I don't pump and we don't really have a routine so I worry that if I leave DS for an hour, that will be the hour he'll want to eat three times. We live around the corner from a coffee shop, though, so I can leave someone at home with the baby and I would be close in case he's really inconsolable.

    Thank goodness, I recently found out we have a LLL chapter here, and tomorrow is their family day for BF awareness week. I'm going to that, so I hope I will meet local people for mutual support. It will be the first time I've met someone else in real life who is currently breastfeeding: I can't wait.

  7. #7
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    May 2006
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    Default Re: Please help - I'm afraid

    Mama, I am so sorry you're going through such a rough patch. Babies are innocent, endearing, delightful, irreplaceable- and they can drive you bonkers!

    5 months is often when babies become highly distractable. The sliding off the breast thing your LO is doing could be a result of him getting interested in something in the room when he's nursing. You might want to try nursing him in a darkened room, free of distractions, and see if that makes a difference.

    The grunting thing sounds really annoying! I know I get really peeved when my 5 year old chews with her mouth open. It's something that has always grossed me out. As the PPs have suggested, he's probably just experimenting with his voice- but you might want to try and get some video of your baby while he's grunting and take it in to the pediatrician. Maybe he's uncomfortable, or making a characteristic noise that the pediatrician could identify? At the very least, it gives you something to do... And when I had issues with my kids, I always felt better if I had a plan of action. Even if it didn't work, doing something felt better than doing nothing.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    4,007

    Default Re: Please help - I'm afraid

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sam.c View Post
    Thanks so much for the support. I already feel less panicked, and on Monday I'm going to call my doctor. I didn't know that PPD could set in later. I thought if I felt ok after the first couple weeks then I wouldn't have it. Also, I had been walking a lot in the third month, but I dropped off recently. That probably didn't help. Tonight I went for a short walk, and tomorrow I'm going to start my longer ones again.

    I have people who would help me with baby care, including my husband. I've been my own problem there, because I don't pump and we don't really have a routine so I worry that if I leave DS for an hour, that will be the hour he'll want to eat three times. We live around the corner from a coffee shop, though, so I can leave someone at home with the baby and I would be close in case he's really inconsolable.

    Thank goodness, I recently found out we have a LLL chapter here, and tomorrow is their family day for BF awareness week. I'm going to that, so I hope I will meet local people for mutual support. It will be the first time I've met someone else in real life who is currently breastfeeding: I can't wait.
    That's good to hear! A support network, medical advice, and an active lifestyle is definitely the way to go I didn't pump either and it was hard to get away by myself. I would suggest leaving as soon as you finish nursing, and staying relatively close by with a cell phone
    ~Jenn~


    mother of 2 boys!
    08/14/98~~03/20/08

    Birth: 7lbs 12oz, 1 year: 22lbs 11oz
    until he self-weaned 4 days before his third birthday ... still on occasion ... and happily

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************
    People need to understand that when they're deciding between breastmilk and formula, they're not deciding between Coke and Pepsi.... They're choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available. ~Chele Marmet

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,467

    Default Re: Please help - I'm afraid

    One other thing my DS1 was super distracted to the point where I had to pump because he refused to eat a full meal. I got a nursing necklace and it helped him focus. I also got better at baby wearing so I could do something other than holding the baby. I'd put him in the meitai and shop for shoes or something equally mindless.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Landof2toddlers, Oregon
    Posts
    3,113

    Default Re: Please help - I'm afraid

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*kst.7399 View Post
    Boy do I know what that feels like. You shouldn't feel guilty, however you should see it as a sign that you need to ask for help. And it can't be virtually, like us. You need to be able to hand your son off for a few hours and defuse. It does not make you a bad mother at all. It makes you human. I see it the same as the air mask analogy. Put the mask on yourself before your little ones. If you aren't taking care of you, how can you possibly take care of your son.
    this is really important.
    PPD is very common and we even have a subforum you can browse around. Here is the list we made of things you can do to help yourself feel better. Let us know how it goes on Monday.
    proud but exhausted working mammy to two high needs babies

    • my surprise baby: the one and only D-Man born 3 weeks late (5/5/08) at 9 lbs 14 oz and 21.5 inches, and
    • the shock H-Girl born about a week late (10/7/09) at 8lbs 15oz and 20.75 inches.


    If I am here I am covered in baby (probably two) and fighting for control of the keyboard.

    Family beds are awesome

    Wondering if you have PPD? Take the screening and see your doctor. You deserve to feel better.

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