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Thread: My place is wreck :(

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    161

    Default My place is wreck :(

    My place is such a wreck. I try not to care but it's so yuk living in a mess. My hubby is helpful but he just doesn't know how to really clean and organize. Breastfeeding takes up all my time This time shall to pass. Nursing in a carrier hasn't worked to well in my Moby or ergo. She is 6 Wks and I have a 4 yr old son.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,475

    Default Re: My place is wreck :(

    I found when I got to "that point", I made a point of setting myself up. I told DH ahead of time "When DD is done nursing, I'm giving her to you so that I can do XYZ." So he had the heads up, I knew I was going to get to do what I needed and I was set up for success. You'd be surprised what you can accomplish when you know you're going to have some specific time set aside where everything else is being taken care of for you.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,272

    Default Re: My place is wreck :(

    Teach your DH how to clean and how you like to organize.
    If he's not helping with things like cooking & laundry - teach him those things also.
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    818

    Default Re: My place is wreck :(

    with amysmom, i've always had luck telling dh in advance. usually if he gives me any problems i reiterate how i will be CLEANING not doing fun stuff like watching tv (although, I have "scheduled" that too ).

    isksam I see where you're coming from but that approach did not work for us, DH would rather take his chances with the baby (now toddler) than learning how to clean my way, or actually cleaning at all.
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
    Mami de mi preciosa Elenita
    http://forums.llli.org/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=32384&dateline=131170  7429 OakRoseCharms Free Shipping for LLLadies just pm me! My Blog

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    8,272

    Default Re: My place is wreck :(

    Ok- maybe having DH participate in household responsibilities like cleaning / cooking / laundry / grocery shopping doesn't work well in all situations.

    But IMO - DH should be "stepping up" in some capacity. Which might mean taking on a bigger parenting role so that you can do household stuff.

    I'm not saying that's what's happening for the OP, but I've seen all too often the mom trying to be superwoman and doing most of the parenting and most of household responsibilities. Some can make that work, but usually its a good time to sit down with the DH to talk about SPECIFIC ways he can help more (don't just assume he's gonna see what needs to happen and how to do it). And it often means that the mama needs to "let go" a little of needing things to be done "her way".
    Lynn
    DS1: bf 7/2006 -> 4/2009; multiple food allergies
    DS2: bf 9/2009 -> ???
    ; multiple food allergies
    Breastmilk Donor - http://hmbana.org/index/donatemilk
    Click HERE to learn about baby led solids (BLS) / baby led weaning (BLW)

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,475

    Default Re: My place is wreck :(

    Oh lemme tell you, DH thought that he'd be more like his Dad and my Dad were when we were small. Do what he wanted with the kids, when he wanted to and nothing when he didn't. He thought I'd do everything.

    Truth is, he tried. He was afraid to hold DD1. He didn't change her diaper until she was 3 weeks old. He refused to bathe her because the idea of bathing a squirmy, wet baby really freaked him out. I got him over it. I didn't give him a choice. Here's a diaper, here's the baby, I'm going outside. Now that we've had 2 girls, he's very hands on. Other than nursing, there isn't anything that he can't do that I can't do.

    It comes to the point where you just need to tell them to step up. Life is different when baby(ies) arrive. There's a whole other life(ives) that are dependent on you. The demands on the family have gone up and one person simply can't do it all. There's no harm in asking (and meaning it) for help.

    Oh, and I wanted to add that just because they do something differently, that doesn't mean it's "wrong". It's different. You need to loosen up on the standards that you have for yourself, because it's not you doing it. Men aren't stupid. Many have figured out that if they do it "wrong" that you won't ask them to do it any longer. But if you simply say "Thank you" with a smile, maybe say that you found this cleaner helpful for next time, they'll get the message. But sometimes, good enough really is, good enough.
    Last edited by @llli*amysmom; September 24th, 2011 at 02:31 PM.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    818

    Default Re: My place is wreck :(

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lsksam View Post
    sit down with the DH to talk about SPECIFIC ways he can help more (don't just assume he's gonna see what needs to happen and how to do it). And it often means that the mama needs to "let go" a little of needing things to be done "her way".
    totally. they need specific instructions. if i want something done in a particular way (and that is very rare nowadays) i will set aside time to do that task while he watches the lo. also with amysmom about asking for help. early on I was surprised to learn that I had survived nearly 5 yrs of marriage without knowing how to actually ask dh for help. i had until that point just done it myself b/c I didn't want to deal with any excuses. Its a hard thing to learn for both parties...now we are pros. i ask when i need help and he helps! yay!
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
    Mami de mi preciosa Elenita
    http://forums.llli.org/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=32384&dateline=131170  7429 OakRoseCharms Free Shipping for LLLadies just pm me! My Blog

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