Re: I want to stop breastfeeding my todd
Mama, I am so very sorry for your loss. I have had to deal with the loss of a child, and I have had to deal with a demanding toddler who wanted more nursing than I could give--but not both at once! I can only imagine what you are going through right now.
In my experience, the "distraction by distance" works well at this age. I second (or third, or whatever) all the suggestions to give LO more time with Daddy and other relatives, and I hope you're in a situation where you can do that.
One other suggestion that I've read of is to give a nursing session a time limit that the child can understand. They don't really "get it" when you talk in minutes, of course; but you can say, "You can have 'boo boosh' while we sing the ABC song [once, twice, whatever's appropriate]. Then we have to stop, because boo boosh are tired." And stick to it.
PP also hinted at another good tactic: creative procrastination. I'm pulling this on my 18mo right now, for all sorts of things besides nursing. She will ask to do whatever-she-wants-at-the-moment, and I will be in the middle of something that I can't drop (like cooking). So I will tell her that I can't right now, but will do it after such and such happens. "Mommy can't [read, snack, etc] right now. We need to Cook, then Wash Hands, and then we can Snack. Can you play with XXX while I Cook?" When I finish what I was working on, I talk her through the steps again: "We're done Cooking! First we Cooked, now we need to Wash Hands, and then we can have a Snack!" I figure I'm 1) teaching her limits, and 2) working on her sense of continuity and time flow.
Finally, something one of my La Leche leaders told me at our last meeting: toddlers can smell ambivalence and they will take advantage of it! If you are of two minds about weaning, part of you not wanting to, they will sense it and keep pushing. You have to want the weaning before you can enforce it. In my mind, another way to look at it is that you're not just weaning your toddler, you're weaning yourself, too. And mentally, the "wean yourself" part may need to come first. So you set weaning goals that you know you can keep, and then keep working forward from there. (Weaning really is a process, not an event.)
Mama, you've been dealt an ugly hand that no one should have to play. It may be that all you can do is bluff your way through it, making things up as you go along. You've made a great start by reaching out and asking for help. (That's more than I would have been able to do.) You are doing a great job; keep it up!
Happy Toddler, 19 months, still bfeeding
Late Son, passed at age 8, bfed 5 months
Daughter the Elder, age 19 yrs, bfed for 22 months