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Thread: Need Encouragement Please!!

  1. #1

    Unhappy Need Encouragement Please!!

    My baby boy is four months old.. He used to want to feed constantly but luckily he's able to eat more and go longer (I was starting to feel like a milking cow). But now instead of wanting to nurse all the time, he wants me to hold him constantly.. He doesn't want his daddy.. he just wants mama.. which is sweet but I can't seem to have any time to myself.. When he cries I'm so physically and emotionally uncomfortable I have to go and pick him up. I try giving him little toys to play with, ones with noise and ones without but he only stays occupied for a few minutes.. when he realizes I'm not holding him he gets upset.. I try and give him to my Hubby but he sees me and starts crying.. I love the bond we have by I'm going to go insane if I can't be by myself for a little while each day.. I can put him down and leave the room but he cries and I can't stand it.. I don't want him to feel abandoned! I'm emotionally exhausted and I feel so guilty for wanting a little time to myself. Help!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,293

    Default Re: Need Encouragement Please!!

    i would get a nice baby carrier. i love our ergo

    also, if you really need some time, have dh take him for a walk while you relax. 30 min will feel like an eternity

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
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    4,983

    Default Re: Need Encouragement Please!!

    Definitely try wearing him in a carrier. I found it especially useful during dinner-prep time, when baby was very fussy and I was very busy. Joe especially liked ME to wear him (like your baby, he was mama-centered at that age), but he would tolerate DH wearing him and going for a walk outside too. Something about going outside always seems to soothe a fussy baby (I realize this will get more difficult as autumn approaches, if you're in the Northern Hemisphere, but try it if you can).

    Babies go through mama phases and then they go through more independent phases, so also, just know - this will change. It won't always be like this. Knowing that it's not permanent can help you survive the tough times.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    9,280

    Default Re: Need Encouragement Please!!

    I agree with the previous posters. This too shall pass. That was my mantra when my kids were little. My first was very much needing me all the time. Walks with dad helped because ofthe distraction of fresh air and new scenery. I also had to change my mindset and accept that right now I don't get as much free time, cleaning time, girls nights out, etc. When I accepted it I stopped pushing against it and it was easier to handle. I planned a big house clean every Sunday while my husband took ds for a walk. During the week if I couldn't get to cleaning I knew it would be taken care of on Sunday.

    What about naps and bedtime? I use the time between baby's bedtime and my bedtime to do something for myself. Reading, coffee, or even a reality tv show just to shut my brain off for awhile.

    It's going to get easier!! I marvel now at my kids running past me with a wave and a "bye mom!!!" as they go somewhere with dh.
    Lyn
    Nursing the girl with kaleidoscope eyes


    Mama to Daniel (12/3/06) and Lucy Jane (8/28/08)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    783

    Default Re: Need Encouragement Please!!

    I totally agree! Four month old LOs love their mama, and their mama's milk. It could be a growth spurt, or just a phase. I also think a carrier is a great idea. We have an ergo too, and I still use it often! And, if it's at all possible for you to get a break, that would help tremendously, even if it's just for an hour. You can do this! Before you know it, your LO will be all grown up.
    SAHM to all my boys

    Wyatt 2/23/99
    Isaiah 7/11/00
    Hunter 2/9/10- made it through our dairy allergy!
    and loving from afar, my DSS Kaleb 3/30/97

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: Need Encouragement Please!!

    Babywear. My third child would NOT go to Daddy at all. It was all mommy....for 14 months. He was 5 seconds old and screamed his head off when Daddy held him but was quiet for me. Now he is all about Daddy This will pass.

    And I learned then that crying in someone's arms is not CIO. THey are being offered comfort. It's maybe not what they WANT, but they are not being left alone to just scream while you grab a shower in the evening after DH gets home from work. But you are entitled to a little time on your own, and they come to their own arrangements, kwim.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    251

    Default Re: Need Encouragement Please!!

    My girl is now 12.5 months and a total mama's girl. She'll hang out with daddy for about 10 minutes when he gets home from work, but other than that, she really wants to be in physical contact with me at all times. This can be infuriating some days, until I throw her into the sling and then kick myself for forgetting how wonderful babywearing and snuggling really is. We are both happier when I just give up trying to force her to be independent or spend time with daddy. I would try to avoid the tricks people have for training your baby to go without you for a certain length of time. Your baby needs to know that you will take care of him and his needs. Only then can he gain some confidence and independence.

    That said, I agree that it is totally necessary to have some time to unwind. We are better moms when we have a little time to ourselves. I remember feeling like you do many times over the past year. Be totally honest with your husband about your needs and know that your baby will be okay if he spends some time with his daddy. When DD was about the age of your DS, I would have to leave the house entirely to feel that I was actually getting a break. Otherwise I would run to DD the moment she made a peep. I needed to let my DH figure out how to soothe her on his own. So I went for walks, to the grocery store, or out to weed the garden. This was a very intense period for us.

    (Oh, and I ate a LOT of chocolate. That really helped.)
    -Hannah

    SAHM-WAHM to lovely Lizzie, born at home 9/14/2010


  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    6,467

    Default Re: Need Encouragement Please!!

    As pp have said, this too shall pass. My son is 7 months and is having a separation thing too. The Ergo saved me, cuz I'm able to hold him and have my hands free to cook, play with my older son whatever. He is also ok in the stroller and sometimes I pack the kids up and take a walk to save my sanity. My older son went through this too from about 5-9 months and is now all about Daddy!
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Kent, OH
    Posts
    259

    Default Re: Need Encouragement Please!!

    It took me a few months to realize that my DD was NOT going to starve if I didn't feed her IMMEDIATELY when she indicated she was hungry, so that helped. Also, even though she wants to be held all the time, reality is that she CAN'T be. Sometimes it's torture to let her cry, but if I try to console her and she has all her needs met sans being close to me, I would suggest strapping her into a carrier, too. Also, taking her outside briefly for a change of scenery often helps. Also, I bought an exersaucer and she ♥'s it! If your DS is 4 months he might be able to go in one now or soon. How is his head control? Maybe check with your Ped
    Full time working mama to a precious
    Due date was 05/02/2011 - born 04/04/2011 at 36 weeks exactly.
    and 14 months and still going strong

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