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Thread: I hate this. I truly hate it.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    65

    Thumbs down I hate this. I truly hate it.

    I need help. My son is ten weeks old and I hate breastfeeding. I have had mastitis three times in the same breast, intense burning, stinging nipple pain nearly every feed, and feel so discouraged. I have tried three antibiotics, grapefruit seed extract, lecithin, vitamin c, castor oil warm compresses, cool compresses, cabbage, two kinds of lanolin, a cocoa butter based nipple cream, coconut oil, hot showers, and alternating feeding positions. My left nipple is scabbed over and my little snapping turtle has to crack the scab to feed every time. I've tried expressing milk and rubbing it on. My nipple is too swollen to even get it in the pump. I blister. He spits up bloody milk. I am exhausted and feel lied to; everyone said how easy this is, how it gets better after this week, or that week. But it just gets worse. I am in extreme pain—stinging, shooting pain before, during, and after a feed. My nipples harden and get white and pinched. I don't know what else I can do!

    Oh, and on top of this joyride, my son has decided it's totally awesome to bite and yank on me, pinch and claw on my breast during a feed. Joy.

    Why don't people warn you how much this sucks?? This is like torture.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Sunny Arizona
    Posts
    3,171

    Default Re: I hate this. I truly hate it.

    The whole blissful mom staring into baby's eyes while they peacefully and automatically latch on perfectly. Yep it's a crock. BFing is WORK. Hard work. It's like learning to walk, you fall a lot at first, and bruise your ass. BUT BUT BUT, once you get the hang of it, it does get easier. It sounds like you might have thrush that never got taken care of fully. I'm one of the lucky few that never had thrush so I'm not an expert. Hopefully someone with more experience will chime in.

    Have you seen an LC? It sounds like shallow latch from you description of your nipples. Dr. Jack Newman has some awesome videos on how to get a deep latch, I'm on my phone so I can't link but google asymmetrical latch. You've come to the right place mama. There are tons of women who have had your experiences, we can help walk you through some stuff and just be here when you feel like pulling your hair out.

    Amy married to my bestfriend since 10/30/04

    Proud SAHM to DS born 2/17/07 and DD born 9/11/08 Both weaned together 11/2011
    Currently milk, peach, peanut and tree nut free. DD has outgrown her wheat, cheese, egg, garlic, and citrus allergies

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    2,197

    Default Re: I hate this. I truly hate it.

    Oh, my goodness! Reading your story just made me cringe. I think the reason people don't warn you that it sucks that much is that typically it doesn't suck quite that much. It's hard work, but... I'm so so sorry you're going through this! After so many rounds of antibiotics, it might be worth checking to see if you have any signs of thrush. The burning and stinging makes me wonder about it. Although it also sounds like vasospasm would be worth checking out. The hardened white nipples make me think of it. How is your right side doing? It is possible (not ideal, but definitely doable) to nurse only on one side and let the other one dry up for the most part. And sometimes later, the unused side can be reintroduced. When my son was one, I was in a car accident, and due to injury, couldn't nurse on the right for several weeks, and once I could use that arm again, my son refused my right breast for another year, at which point, he was open to it, and we slowly built that side back up to almost equal production. Mostly, I just wanted to offer you a whole lot of sympathy. This sounds like a terribly difficult time for you.
    Teal

    25 May 96 and 14 January 08 and 27 February 2012

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    San Francisco
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    717

    Default Re: I hate this. I truly hate it.

    I also wanted to see if you've been treated for thrush. Sounds exactly like what I was experiencing when I had it! I was put in a 10day dose of diflucan, I don't remember the dosage. But after about 48hrs it seems as though I turned the corner and things got better. Hope it gets better!
    Proud Mama to Noah Michael and Baby Charlie



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: I hate this. I truly hate it.

    Mama, that is a straight up case of thrush, just from what you describe. And vasospasm (see link). And you have some latch issues contributing, from what it sounds like. But I can guarantee that after you fix those issues, BFing does get easy. I don't know anyone, though, for whom BFing was super simple. And anything worth anything takes a lot of work You can fix this though.

    http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mom/...blanching.html
    http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/...resources.html
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    57

    Default Re: I hate this. I truly hate it.

    I'm at six weeks now, and my cracked, scabbed nipple finally healed over last week. Hallelujah! I've felt that pain. So sorry, momma! I know it sucks. Nothing seemed to help, either. I'd just kick my legs frantically whenever DS latched and cry through it. Turns out I wasn't keeping the best watch on my son's latch during feedings. He'd start great, but slip down as my flow slowed. Ouch!
    I still have to correct DS's latch during feedings, but things are better. Not easy or perfect, but better. The LC I saw introduced us to reclined, infant let nursing; and the "nipple sandwich" (gently pinching your breast between thumb and fingers just behind the areola to push out and slightly flatten the nipple and areola to help get more breast tissue in baby's mouth). It helped a lot with our latch issues. My areolas still burn after some feedings, particularly lately with the all-day sessions my son has decided to do. It's nothing like it was, though.
    It will get better. I know it doesn't seem like it when you're in the middle of it. This is a great place to let it all out. The ladies on these forums have been there and are incredibly supportive and willing to give advice, or just a listening ear on bad days. Good luck to you!
    Mamma to: DD (02.2010) and DS (08.2011)
    We cloth diaper and are new to baby-wearing.
    Learning to trust my instincts and turn off my scientifically-trained brain!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    a little village with some trees, people, and a canal in it, Derbyshire, England
    Posts
    126

    Default Re: I hate this. I truly hate it.

    yep, what Teal, Jezebel, and Susan say xx

    Go to LC, ddrs, HV, LLL group - anyone who will help you get this diagnosed and treated. The before, during, and after description of pain def sounds like nipple and ductal thrush, and once treated, bf DOES get easier and becomes a PLEASANT experience. I had the same, and also the vasospasm as descibed above. This doesn't always hurt, but it's worth looking at reynauld's for more info.

    Hugs, hugs, hugs, and more hugs mama. And well done you on persevering xx This CAN turn a corner. Please come back to us for more support. The mamas on here are the best support
    Diane

    Mummy to Edward 24 months and still nursing and with no2 !l

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,965

    Default Re: I hate this. I truly hate it.

    Fabulous information from the PPs. I totally agree: that blissful nursing picture that sells breastfeeding is a total crock. Breastfeeding is natural but that doesn't mean it's easy, and when you are having rough time with nursing it really feels like you've been sold a pig in a poke. But it does get easier and better if you can hang in there and get the proper help. If you have a LC, preferably an IBCLC, available to you, I strongly suggest going in for some hands-on help.

    I know people say "Oh, it gets better after 3 weeks" or 6 weeks, or 3 months, or whatever, and I hate that because often it takes more time than advertised. With my first baby, I kept waiting for the magic turnaround point, and it didn't happen until around 4.5 months, when my awful cracks finally healed. I hope you will reach the turnaround well before then, but in case you don't, I just want to tell you that I am not sorry I stuck with nursing. I nursed my first baby for 3 years, and it was beyond awful for the first 3 months, barely tolerable until 4.5-5 months, and after the 6 month point I loved every minute of it. Please stick with it, and we will be here for you while you get through this hard part. Okay?
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    77

    Default Re: I hate this. I truly hate it.

    I just wanted to offer a hug! I had a terrible time getting the bfeeding going with my daughter...took about eight weeks and then it truly did get easier.
    Mommy to
    Ava 9.24.08 self weaned at 2.5
    August 8.19.11 still nursing, trying to wean gently
    Abram 9.12.13

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    johor bahru, Malaysia
    Posts
    59

    Default Re: I hate this. I truly hate it.

    Offer my biggest hugs to you.

    I am going through blister, plugged ducts for almost a month now n am still not giving up yet.
    I know the pain you are going through coz every time DD nurse, i will bite my lips n still have to bear the pain after nursing.
    But I keep telling myself, she is getting the most valuable thing that money cannot buy in this world n it's all ok.
    Just hang in there. More hugs to you n all breastfeeding mommies.

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