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Thread: Wedding & Nursing Baby

  1. #1

    Default Wedding & Nursing Baby

    Hi there!

    I was invited to attend a friend's wedding in June when my daughter, Nora, was
    three months old. I RSVPed "yes" for myself and my husband, planning to bring
    my daughter, of course. Weeks before the wedding I realized it said, "adult
    only reception" on the invite. I got in touch with the bride and explained how
    my daughter is breastfeeding and cannot be away from me for more than a little
    while. The bride told me that unfortunately she had to stick to her decision to
    not have children at the reception, so therefore, no, my daughter could not
    attend. ...even though she was a three month old nursing baby.... I *knew* Nora
    would not be happy without nursing for so many hours, so we did not attend the
    wedding.

    Now I have another friend's wedding at the end of October that I plan to go to.
    Now that my daughter is a little older, she would be probably okay if I left her
    with my mom. And the logistics of location work out so that I could go home and
    nurse Nora b/w the ceremony and reception. However, I'd rather take her with
    me. That way I wouldn't have to pump, leave bottles, and wonder if she's okay.
    Can you help me with these questions:

    1) What does etiquette say? If you and your husband's names are on the
    invitation but not your baby/child's names, does that mean they do not want your
    child to attend the wedding?

    2) What's your advice for me for this upcoming wedding? Do I again, contact the
    bride and ask if she minds me bringing my baby? I'm afraid if I do ask her,
    I'll get the same answer as last time. Or do I just bring Nora with me and not
    worry about it?

    Since I'm a first-time mom, I'm really struggling with this concept. I want to
    take my daughter with me everywhere. I'm quite proud of the fact that I've
    gotten good at and comfortable nursing her wherever we are. And she's most
    happy, of course, when she's with me. Since I'm not working now (and even
    though she's six months old) the longest I've left her is three hours max.
    Thanks for your thoughts!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    3,319

    Default Re: Wedding & Nursing Baby

    It may be different in other places, but where I am only the people named on the invitation are invited. If you aren't comfortable leaving her--and I can see how that would be hard--I would send regrets. If you show up with her, it may put the hosts in an awkward position with other people who may have wanted to bring their children but didn't, KWIM?

    If you are ok leaving her with your mom while you go to the wedding, that sounds like a really good solution.
    Last edited by @llli*mumtothomas; September 15th, 2011 at 06:06 PM.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,626

    Default Re: Wedding & Nursing Baby

    I would call the bride. I know it sucks to be told "I am sorry, this affair is adults-only" but it's better to find out now than to surprise and be surprised. I had a similar situation, and ended up having to cancel our trip and our tickets. I was told that "everybody knows" the etiquette is that only the people named on the invite are invited. Well, I must have missed a memo- in my close family, if you get an invitation, your kids are automatically included unless the invite specifically says "adults only".
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
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    1,293

    Default Re: Wedding & Nursing Baby

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    I would call the bride. I know it sucks to be told "I am sorry, this affair is adults-only" but it's better to find out now than to surprise and be surprised. I had a similar situation, and ended up having to cancel our trip and our tickets. I was told that "everybody knows" the etiquette is that only the people named on the invite are invited. Well, I must have missed a memo- in my close family, if you get an invitation, your kids are automatically included unless the invite specifically says "adults only".
    i would call too. for my wedding i wrote "The Smith Family" if they had kids to tell them i wanted everyone there. i even had a section on the return that asked for # of attendees. a lot of people don't want kids at their wedding, so even though i wanted kids at mine i know not everyone is that way.

    i have passed on weddings where i couldnt bring my kids.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    2,476

    Default Re: Wedding & Nursing Baby

    If in doubt, call.

    I was MOH in my BFF's wedding when DD2 was only 11 weeks old. She was happy for me to bring her if I wanted. I decided not to. Not because I was embarrassed. But because I was MOH, I had a LOT to do at the wedding and it was my BFF's day and my day to be there for her on her special day. I pumped, left lots of milk for my Mom to feed her and we were home within 12 hours. She did great. My BFF made sure I got access to the hall's office to pump in private. It worked out really well.

    That being said, there was another nursing Momma there and she too was welcome to bring her baby. But it's always best to know, up front.
    Mommy to our DD1 early bird (34 weeks, 2 days, 7lbs, 14oz)! Oct. 2nd, 2008 Emergency C-Section, Frank Breech, HEALTHY Girl!
    Weaned @ 17 months
    Our DD2 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 12oz) Aug. 10th, 2010 Our Successful VBAC, growing like a bad weed!
    Weaned @ 15 months
    Our DD3 early bird (37 weeks, 3 days, 7lbs, 6oz) Feb. 16th, 2012 Our 2nd VBAC and lightening speedy birth!

    Loving being a Mom of 3, 40 months apart!!
    and

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    166

    Default Re: Wedding & Nursing Baby

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    I would call the bride. I know it sucks to be told "I am sorry, this affair is adults-only" but it's better to find out now than to surprise and be surprised. I had a similar situation, and ended up having to cancel our trip and our tickets. I was told that "everybody knows" the etiquette is that only the people named on the invite are invited. Well, I must have missed a memo- in my close family, if you get an invitation, your kids are automatically included unless the invite specifically says "adults only".
    Here too.
    Jaxon (07/13/08) weaned at 27 months
    Alexa and Braxton (11/18/10). My NICU miracles.

    http://swallomlife.blogspot.com

    "This above all: to thine own self be true" -Hamlet

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    50

    Default Re: Wedding & Nursing Baby

    I would not call the bride unless you are very close to her. She probably has a lot on her mind right now. Where I am from and what etiquette books say is that if the child is invited, their name would be on the invitation. Otherwise, she is not invited. Sorry- I know it's not what you want to hear.

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