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Thread: Losing patience...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    44

    Default Losing patience...

    Hi everyone,

    Just needed some advice. I never thought I'd be nursing my dd this long, but it's now going on 28 months. I'm growing impatient especially with her twiddling and demanding the "booba" 24 hrs a day!!!! She just got sick for the first time a few days ago and won't let go of the boob! I'm getting kinda stressed over being stuck in one spot all day long. And she FREAKS out if you don't let her have it.

    Do I continue or wean? I know it's good for her, but omg. I wish I could post a video of what she does when she can't have the boob. Slaps me, kicks me, hits me and SCREAMS!!!!! And if I cover the other "booba" so she won't twiddle, she hits me so hard in the chest and scratches me. ugh

    HElp?
    Last edited by @llli*jenny287; September 15th, 2011 at 08:48 AM.
    Nursing my bug for almost 3 years YIKES!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,643

    Default Re: Losing patience...

    Yikes, terrible twos, huh? Okay, I think you have an option that isn't wean and isn't put up with it. At 28 months, you can really start forcing the issue with respect to nursing behavior. That means no twiddling, and no hitting/kicking/slapping. Before you start nursing, you say "Okay, you can come up on my lap and nurse, but you have to be gentle, and when mommy says we're done, we're done." Cover up your free breast (can't twiddle what you can't touch), make sure you give warnings about time almost being almost up (e.g. "2 more minutes," "we're done as soon as I sing twinkle, twinkle little star")' and if she hits or kicks you, tell her "we don't hit, we won't nurse unless you can use a gentle touch, like this" ( and then model a gentle touch), and if she hits anyway, put her down and walk away. Now, don't try starting this when your kid is sick, and don't expect nursing manners to sink in quickly. It takes a lot of repetition to train a kid to internalize nice manners.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Springfield, Oregon
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    916

    Default Re: Losing patience...

    My suggestion would be to give up the power struggle for a week or two to see if it makes a difference. Think of some sanity savers, maybe a list of movies and let her have unencumbered access. But first clip those nails of hers! Sometimes their reactions are more to our resistance and once they dont feel threatened they relax. After she relaxes start implementing some 'nursing manners' but only one at a time giving each one two weeks minimum time. And teach vs enforce. So if you want twiddling to stop you might have to role play with dolls while giving verbal instruction as well as give an alternative she can do with her hands. I wouldn't get back into the power struggle. If she insisted I'd give in but then do some more teaching and even praising dolls for getting it 'right' etc.. I really feel avoiding the power struggle is your key because when kids feel you are taking away their nursies they get scared and can react pretty strongly and become very clingy. Twiddling is a hard one to stop because it is biologically wired and helps stimulate letdown so keep that in mind if it becomes difficult. From what I read it doesn't feel she would benefit from weaning right now. If that is what you want I'd first reestablish nursing without the struggle then do a slow gentle weaning process. If uou are a reader then 'how weaning happens' I heard is great for people wanting to wean and for people wanting to child led wean.
    Last edited by @llli*RedPowerLady; September 16th, 2011 at 01:25 AM.
    Baby Girl "Piper" born Feb 12th, 2010. She is a true blessing!

    And a baby who is now an Angel in Heaven Feb 7th, 2008.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
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    Default Re: Losing patience...

    Oh no. I am with Susan. I would't give a 2 year old free for all access. I would definitely begin to set up firm boundaries AND do things to not let the nursing out of boredom happen. Including but NOT limited to getting out of the house. So much of toddler nursing IS about boredom. NOT when they are sick. I do believe that a child who is sick should be granted MORE access than usual. Because Nursing helps them with pain and keeps them hydrated. So I would expect you to be nursing MORE over the next few days. But begin to think of the number of times a day you WOULD LIKE to wean. And after said illness begin to move in that direction.

    Way too lazy for formula

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    63

    Default Re: Losing patience...

    I just have to say that is so funny, my daughter calls it a "booba" also.. I haven't seen anyone else say that!

    We taught my daughter to "pet" when you tell her to be nice, so if she is twiddling too rough I tell her to be nice and she obeys! Covering the other one doesn't work for us either, my daughter will throw a fit until she can see them both. She will only nurse on a specific couch and I have to be laying down every time. What I have found that works is to let her have it when she wants and after a few minutes suggest doing something she likes. My daughter loves taking her medicine, so I ask her if she wants it and then she gets distracted with something else for a while and forgets about it. (well, for about 20 minutes anyways! )

    During the day when she is nursing I tickle her so she doesn't twiddle. It really helps and a lot of the time she ends the session early too! Nursing to sleep I just deal with the twiddling.

    I am in the same boat as you though.. on the fence about wanting to wean, but DD is too demanding right now! Good luck mama!
    Ayna ~ born 10/22/09
    Still and despite the controversy of society!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    USA
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    36

    Default Re: Losing patience...

    Re: the twiddling, do you think a nursing necklace would help? I've never used one, but some mothers swear by having that 'something else" there for the little hands to grab!
    Mama Jen

    Mom to:
    Happy Toddler, 19 months, still bfeeding
    Late Son, passed at age 8, bfed 5 months
    Daughter the Elder, age 19 yrs, bfed for 22 months

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    44

    Default Re: Losing patience...

    Thank you so much everyone. She has been getting better with the twiddling. I've been giving her a doll or stuffed animal to hold like you suggested. Sometimes she gets mad and throws it and demands to twiddle. I know it's natural, but it's sooo annoying now. I didn't mind it before, but for some reason I don't like it now. You all have sent such great ideas! I'm trying to teach her manners, something I never thought of before. And setting boundaries. Like you said, I think sometimes it's boredom. And sometimes she associates things with nursing. Sometimes I'll surf the interent while she's nursing, so EVERYTIME I'm on the internet now, it's BOOBA time! hehe.
    I REALLY appreciate your input, I'm feeling better now and she's over her sickness now too so it's been a little better. It was a war zone the past week. OMG. SOOOO glad you were here to help!!! I really don't want to wean, I'm big on self led weaning, it's just that I was getting overwhelmed. Thank god for LLL friends!!!!!

    @ aynasmommy SOOO funny!!!! You sound just like me and our DD's sound alike!!! Too funny!
    Nursing my bug for almost 3 years YIKES!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    266

    Default Re: Losing patience...

    Don't have much BTDT advice....but could you give her something else to twiddle? I noticed around 5 months that my son needed something to keep his hand busy - I always have the other breast covered up when I nurse, so I never gave him access to my nipples...but I give him a pacifier to fiddle with. He holds it and rolls it and scratches his head with it...and he also does this in his crib when he's trying to fall asleep.

    It's not much, but maybe it would at least help you feel less touched-out, ya know??

    Good luck mama!
    Proud mama to Matthew Rory, born naturally 10/29/10, and mama to Callie Elisabeth, born naturally 5/15/12.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    63

    Default Re: Losing patience...

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jenny287 View Post

    @ aynasmommy SOOO funny!!!! You sound just like me and our DD's sound alike!!! Too funny!
    I was thinking the same thing! Actually as I was reading this she demanded that it is "booba time" haha!
    Ayna ~ born 10/22/09
    Still and despite the controversy of society!

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