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Thread: need help with husband

  1. #1

    Default need help with husband

    hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. i'm a mom to an amazing little 16 month old boy. i need a little advice...
    my husband has been very supportive of breastfeeding...up til this point. he thinks that i should wean and feels that our son is getting too old/big to still be nursing. (i should mention that my son is literally a big boy...30 lbs, 32") i think the underlying issue is that my husband feels like he can't really be an equal parent to our son as long as he still nurses. my son doesn't nurse that much...3 definite times every day(morning,nap and bedtime) with some randoms thrown in here and there. we're still happy to be nursing, and not ready to wean just yet...and my husband doesn't put a lot of pressure on me or anything, i just wish that he was still supportive. has anyone had a similar situation?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: need help with husband

    Is there something your DH can do with your son that only he can do? I had my DH take over bath and bed time. That's their time, and I don't interfere at all. And that helped him feel like he had an equal share in things. Does that make sense?
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    21,360

    Default Re: need help with husband

    The following may be of interest:
    http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...6/ai_20135603/
    http://aappolicy.aappublications.org...rics;115/2/496
    http://www.whale.to/a/steinkraus.html

    I think a lot of couples agree to disagree about breastfeeding a toddler. There's a difference between a husband pressuring his wife to wean and a husband not being supportive. If he can keep his thoughts to himself, then I think I might just leave it there, and let him realize that benefits of extended breastfeeding all by himself. Like the fact that he never has to fight a reluctant toddler to take a nap, or get a strung-out, cranky toddler to bed at night... I mean, that's priceless!
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Springfield, Oregon
    Posts
    916

    Default Re: need help with husband

    Wondering if you went to an LLL meeting with other dads present it may feel more normal to him, less lonely. Also ditto him having his own special bonding time.
    Baby Girl "Piper" born Feb 12th, 2010. She is a true blessing!

    And a baby who is now an Angel in Heaven Feb 7th, 2008.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Southern NM
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    712

    Default Re: need help with husband

    Is it possible that he is also concerned about you and whether you are feeling you have to keep BFing rather than youwant to keep BFing? I think sometimes partners are trying to take the pressure off of mommas and they come across as being negative about BFing.

    I agree with PP that finding the special thing for your DH to do with your LO is a great idea.
    I am Erin--happily married to the nerd of my dreams for 15 years
    High School Science Teacher
    Mother to: Thing 1 9/23/01, bf 15 mo, diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma 1/29/02, officially cancer free for ten years in August 2012
    Thing 2 6/6/05, bf 12 mo, obsessed with dynamite
    Glowworm 2/18/11, bf 15 months and counting

  6. #6

    Default Re: need help with husband

    Hi everyone! Thank you for all the feedback, those are some really good suggestions. I think the concern husband really has is that our son needs to "grow up" and that I am spoiling him. He has blamed bf when our baby was cranky...both of which I know are not true and have given him specific examples why. I think what mommal said about just leaving it alone is probably the best way, he is definitely a "see for himself" kind of guy. Don't want to make him sound like a meanie, he really won't push the issue...like i said i just don't like that i don't have the same support i always have had and it's nice to have some here!

  7. #7

    Default Re: need help with husband

    oh, and the idea about them having their own special thing is a great one! that actually may help a lot, and it may also help him to see that crankiness has nothing to do with nursing!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    2,628

    Default Re: need help with husband

    My husband is really supportive and our daughter is about 26 mos old. It does help though, that he sees her all crabby or sad or whatever and then how much nursing helps comfort her or lull her to sleep.

    He has taken care of bath time since she was a newborn, they do storybook time in the evenings and he also takes her potty in the a.m.s and gets her dressed before he leaves for work so really for being a full time working dad he really does have a number of special things that they do together.
    Nursed my sweet daughter 3 years, 3 mos.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Tennessee
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    7

    Default Re: need help with husband

    I am nursing dd at 20 months. I wanted to give my husband some info on benefits since she is into toddler hood before he said anything. I dont think he would though. But he is very supportive and loves it. I told him about the reduced risks for breast cancer and he was happy to know that I was doing something to help prevent it. His mother was recently diagnosed and there is no treatments that will kill it all. Sad to say that she wont be here for much longer and she is only 59. She had 3 children and never nursed a day. I have 4 and nursed them all. I encourage you to look up some benefits with him and let him know all the reasons you are committed to still nursing!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    112

    Default Re: need help with husband

    My son is now over 3 years old and still nurses usually twice a day sometimes 4x. My husband was very supportive at first then when he turned 1 I talked to him about the benefits of toddler nursing and my plan to nurse until at least two and he was ok with that. When my son turned two he voiced some concerns I let him know it was normal and the longer we continue to nurse the more ok he is with it. He sees my son is developing normally very independent for a 3 year old, potty trained, happy, and full of energy. He hardley ever throws tantrums and I have a quick fix if he's hurt himself or having a rough day. Truthfully I never thought I'd be nursing this long and would have thought it strange before I did it myself.
    Did this for 9months with Kailey and Hailey
    who are now 8.

    weaned Dane somewhere around 3.5 no longer he likes to sleep with his sisters He's now 5

    Now I am , , My baby Cruz who is almost 6 months and my last baby

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