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Thread: Joe's latest tricks.

  1. #1
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    Default Joe's latest tricks.

    I posted a bit back about how I suspect Joe is beginning to wean. We are now nursing only occasionally during the day (sometimes before naps on weekends) at bedtime (when DH isn't in charge, which is about 50% of the time) and in the middle of the night and early morning.

    At this point, I'm afraid to set many more "limits" on Joe's nursing, because I don't want to rush him into weaning. I feel that I might have set a few too many limits on his nursing already, which is why he has backed off so much in the past few months (that, and a bottle of cow's milk is so much more convenient, right? milk to-go! ).

    But he is so ornery and difficult to nurse these days. Even in the middle of the night, he'll be wanting to nurse but thrashing and kicking and hitting me and generally difficult.

    The worst thing, though, is that I'm not allowed to TOUCH him while we nurse. He's been pushing my hands away, off of him, while we side-nurse, for several months now. He won't let me snuggle him while we sleep. He doesn't want my hands anywhere on him. Yikes. It's incredibly rejecting, like he just wants the boobs, and the snuggling part means nothing to him.

    I'm wondering if this is normal, or yet another red-flag for sensory processing issues, which I'm pretty sure Joe has in some degree. He also pushes me away frequently during the day. He still comes to me to snuggle if he's hurt, or occasionally when he's tired, but the rest of the time, he wants nothing to do with physical contact. He used to be such a cling-monkey! What happened?

    I think a big part of it is a 2-year-old power trip - he is asserting his independence, etc. But please tell me I'm not the only one who has had to deal with a "no-touch" rule while nursing. Is this totally wackadoodle?

    I'm hoping it's just a phase and will pass, and we'll get back to cuddly nursing. Is it like the distractible phase with younger babies, where they suddenly get cuddly around a year?

    Add on the strange ambivalence I am feeling about nursing these days - it's not always comfortable anymore, I can't explain it, but the feeling is more often irritating and skin-crawly, and less often cozy - and I'm wondering if I should just accept that this is weaning and go with it. By pushing me away and rejecting me even while he nurses, Joe's saying he doesn't need it much anymore. I don't want to be that mom that pushes her baby to keep nursing because SHE is not ready to stop, not because her baby actually needs or wants it anymore.

    Just venting mostly. What do y'all think?

    P.S. I've been thinking about writing this post for a while, but it was hard. It's hard for me to admit that my baby doesn't seem to like snuggling me. I've been saying "it's just a phase" for a while, but it's been going on for some time now. Sniffle.
    Last edited by @llli*joe.s.mom; August 2nd, 2011 at 01:09 PM.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Joe's latest tricks.

    Oh, Jomo, . <--this creepy internet hug not a good substitute, I know. I don't know about whether it's normal or not, but my almost-14-month old probably pushes my hands off about 50% of the time. Even more often than this she is so acrobatic while nursing its not cuddly either. About once a day she seems to really relish our closeness, and strokes my skin all softly and gets cuddly, which is the thing that prevents me from feeling rejected the rest of the time when she does not want my hands on her!

    Based on what you've described about *your* feelings while nursing and getting kicked while nursing at night, I think I would move to mainly don't-offer-don't refuse and try to move him to his own bed at night, but not being at that stage yet I don't really know. I'm interested to hear what moms of older kids have to say about it.

    And as an aside I love that you used the term wackadoodle, which up to now I thought my MIL made up along with all the other bizarre things she says.
    Mom to Taiga born 6/2010

    Pocket cloth diapers. Baby led solids. Full-time working mom. I my DH, DD, kitty Dr. Benway, and my working border collie Odin!
    BF for 1 year and she and I still love it !!!!

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Joe's latest tricks.

    Your sensation sounds a lot like what it felt for me to nurse at night while being pregnant.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Joe's latest tricks.

    @Ooky, it's good to hear that someone else's toddler pushes hands away, at least! And when you said that about once a day, you get a nice caressing moment, I totally relate to that. Joe will occasionally be incredibly gentle and sweet with me, and it just melts my heart. (The he goes back to smacking me over the head with something!)

    And Tracie, I promise I'm not pregnant! But I think there's something that kicks in when you're nursing an older toddler. It's something biological. When Joe was about one, I was in love with nursing. I would latch Joe on in the middle of the night, and get this oxytocin high. Intellectually, nothing has changed and I love nursing just as much as ever! But it's no longer giving me that hormonal high that it used to every time ... now I only feel that every once in a while. And I can no longer sleep through him nursing - instead of putting me to sleep like it used to, it bugs a little until he unlatches.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Joe's latest tricks.

    I wasn't implying that I thought you were pregnant. I have read other women say the same thing you're saying, on other boards, in regards to it being your body participating in the weaning process as well.

    Lilah didn't try to get me to stop touching her at that age, while nursing, that I can recall. It sounds frustrating.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Joe's latest tricks.

    My Mollie is 21mo and will not let me cuddle her while night nursing (side to side). It's OK for her to pinch and reach for the other nipple to squash, but let me lay my arm on her or my hand on her side and she thrashes like a worm in hot ashes!!
    Mollie nurses in the morning, after I get home from work (around 5-6pm), to sleep and during the night, and then several times off and on during the weekend...often enough that if no one else is home I don't feel obligated to cook.
    To answer your question/vent, you are most certainly NOT alone...I think, at least with Mollie, it is more that they realize they don't have to let you snuggle them if they don't want to - an independence, uppity toddler thing.
    Lori -
    wife to Davis, my best friend and strongest supporter
    43 yo mom to 3

    Lee Allen Christopher - 18 - precious preemie , all grown up; BF 6 wks
    Connor Ethan - 13 - my red head , ALL boy, ALL the time; BF 14 mo
    Mollie Rhiannon - 4 - my surprise , more fun than I ever expected; BFing, no end in sight!!

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Joe's latest tricks.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommy2lilah View Post
    Your sensation sounds a lot like what it felt for me to nurse at night while being pregnant.
    AGREE. this is the feeling that drove me over the edge. Max still wanted to snuggle just not to the degree he did when he was smaller, he would say to me "mommy don't put your arm on my side" things like that, but not really no touching. It could be sensory stuff and it could be one of the many odd ball things all kids have

    Regardless please don't think of him as rejecting YOU if he's weaning. Not wanting to nurse is just that not a signal that he doesn't need his mommy.
    Mommy to Maxwell 10-9-07 weaned with love (a party and a remote control monster truck) on his 4th birthday
    My Boy 3-16-10
    And my sweet pea Sam 2-12-11

    Watch Your Language

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Joe's latest tricks.

    There are cuddly babies, and there are non-cuddly babies. Some kids just burrow into you and it's all soft and loving touches, and some have a much lower need for all that lovey-dovey stuff. I don't think it means that the non-cuddly kids have a lesser need for nursing- just that their nursing style is a lot more businesslike and, well, maybe less rewarding, on an emotional level?
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Joe's latest tricks.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    There are cuddly babies, and there are non-cuddly babies. Some kids just burrow into you and it's all soft and loving touches, and some have a much lower need for all that lovey-dovey stuff. I don't think it means that the non-cuddly kids have a lesser need for nursing- just that their nursing style is a lot more businesslike and, well, maybe less rewarding, on an emotional level?
    He definitely was not this way as a newborn. And he spent the months between one year and about 19 months parked on my lap nursing and refusing to stop. So that's one reason that this latest thing is hard for me.

    I should add that he is super daddy-obsessed lately, which is great in many respects. DH is a SAHD, so it makes a lot of sense. But he's often pushing me away to go snuggle with dad. So to all of the above, add the guilt and "what-ifs" of a full-time working mother who has a demanding job and is away a LOT, and yeah ... good times!

    (Intellectually, I realize that Joe is still very attached to me, that he loves me, and that his behavior is not personal. Toddlers have to assert their independence, and that's totally normal. But this whole thing has been emotionally kicking my rear. I really appreciate the support, thanks!)


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Joe's latest tricks.

    Now that you put it this way... I think he must be going through a daddy phase. Lilah is like this with her father sometimes. Although we may be about to enter a daddy phase... after almost three years of the mommy phase.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

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