I posted a bit back about how I suspect Joe is beginning to wean. We are now nursing only occasionally during the day (sometimes before naps on weekends) at bedtime (when DH isn't in charge, which is about 50% of the time) and in the middle of the night and early morning.
At this point, I'm afraid to set many more "limits" on Joe's nursing, because I don't want to rush him into weaning. I feel that I might have set a few too many limits on his nursing already, which is why he has backed off so much in the past few months (that, and a bottle of cow's milk is so much more convenient, right? milk to-go! ).
But he is so ornery and difficult to nurse these days. Even in the middle of the night, he'll be wanting to nurse but thrashing and kicking and hitting me and generally difficult.
The worst thing, though, is that I'm not allowed to TOUCH him while we nurse. He's been pushing my hands away, off of him, while we side-nurse, for several months now. He won't let me snuggle him while we sleep. He doesn't want my hands anywhere on him. Yikes. It's incredibly rejecting, like he just wants the boobs, and the snuggling part means nothing to him.
I'm wondering if this is normal, or yet another red-flag for sensory processing issues, which I'm pretty sure Joe has in some degree. He also pushes me away frequently during the day. He still comes to me to snuggle if he's hurt, or occasionally when he's tired, but the rest of the time, he wants nothing to do with physical contact. He used to be such a cling-monkey! What happened?
I think a big part of it is a 2-year-old power trip - he is asserting his independence, etc. But please tell me I'm not the only one who has had to deal with a "no-touch" rule while nursing. Is this totally wackadoodle?
I'm hoping it's just a phase and will pass, and we'll get back to cuddly nursing. Is it like the distractible phase with younger babies, where they suddenly get cuddly around a year?
Add on the strange ambivalence I am feeling about nursing these days - it's not always comfortable anymore, I can't explain it, but the feeling is more often irritating and skin-crawly, and less often cozy - and I'm wondering if I should just accept that this is weaning and go with it. By pushing me away and rejecting me even while he nurses, Joe's saying he doesn't need it much anymore. I don't want to be that mom that pushes her baby to keep nursing because SHE is not ready to stop, not because her baby actually needs or wants it anymore.
Just venting mostly. What do y'all think?
P.S. I've been thinking about writing this post for a while, but it was hard. It's hard for me to admit that my baby doesn't seem to like snuggling me. I've been saying "it's just a phase" for a while, but it's been going on for some time now. Sniffle.