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Thread: Husband......

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Lehigh Acres, Florida
    Posts
    151

    Question Husband......

    With my other two children, my husband and I resumed our..relations...at 3weeks pp cleared by doc. With DS I am healed and cleared but I have to say I have NO interest in ANYTHING sexual. My husband means well and I know that this isn't easy for him but he makes me feel bad about it all. I have a baby connected to my breasts all day and all night, I am extremely exhausted and have no desire to do anything...that he wants and needs. Besides not being in the mood for anything, I am also concerned about....the final product...down there. I know tmi...but I am afraid of how it will be for him.

    Any advice would be awesome!! Thanks in advance. :-)

    Married to Josh 05/07/2005
    Grace 12/17/2006 FF
    Emma 01/22/2008 EP
    Frank 06/26/2011 EBF

    "While breastfeeding may not seem like the right choice for every parent, it is the best choice for every baby" Amy Spangler

    **** 8 beautiful months and going strong ****

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,564

    Default Re: Husband......

    How old is your baby?

    Wow - 3 weeks with your other kids??!! Crazy! Is there some reason you're more worried about the goods this time than the other two times? Something different with the birth.

    There's not much that is TMI around here.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Lehigh Acres, Florida
    Posts
    151

    Default Re: Husband......

    Well this is gonna sound rediculous but my best friend who was pregnant at the same time as me, would always make jokes and say that I had a stretch armstrong vagina lol because I didnt have any stitches after my deliveries. The joke was, I was just gonna sneeze and my son would appear Also...my wonderful son had a LARGE head when he was born. When his doc came in to check him out after birth...she even made a coment about his head I guess I am affraid that his melon may have taken me to the "no return" place.

    Married to Josh 05/07/2005
    Grace 12/17/2006 FF
    Emma 01/22/2008 EP
    Frank 06/26/2011 EBF

    "While breastfeeding may not seem like the right choice for every parent, it is the best choice for every baby" Amy Spangler

    **** 8 beautiful months and going strong ****

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,564

    Default Re: Husband......

    I get it. My first baby was born via c-section so I was worried about that when my second was a vbac. But everything was fine and I don't see a difference from before she was born to now. I didn't have stiches either...

    Just tell your husband that you need to take everything slow and use lubricant.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    19,894

    Default Re: Husband......

    3 weeks and your DH is already wanting to get into your pants?! Reminds me of a story my mom told me about her ob. She went in for a checkup and in the middle of it he stepped into the next room to take a call. This is what she overheard: "Mrs. Smith? Oh, hello dear, how are you? Really? Oh, he is? Uh huh, yes, I see. Well, let me talk to him. Just go make yourself a cup of tea and put your feet up. Okay. Hello, is this Mr. Smith? It is? Well you listen to me, you son-of-a-b####! You leave your wife the h*ll alone. She just had a baby, for chrissakes. If you don't cut it out she's going to be right back in my office. Understand? Good! Now put your wife back on the phone. Mrs. Smith? Yes, I talked to him, dear. Everything should be fine. But if not, please give me a call. Now go put your feet up."

    Maybe have your ob tell your DH that you are not yet ready to resume? It's true- you are obviously not!

    If that route doesn't work, you are perfectly within your rights to tell your DH that you are not feeling ready yet. It is entirely normal not to have much libido at this point, especially when you are feeling completely "touched out" by being in constant contact with a newborn! You can also let your DH know that when it comes to foreplay, there isn't much that is sexier than a man who cleans up the dinner dishes, vacuums the floor, tucks the kids into bed, and lets his wife have a few moments to herself.

    A glass of wine and some lube are also useful.

    Don't worry too much abot Stretch Armstrong. Vaginas are designed to stretch. And they do eventually snap back to their previous state, more or less. But at 3 weeks, Stretch is still going to be kinda stretchy. All those hormones from pregnancy that make your body stretchy are still coursing through you, and it takes a while for them to subside.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    57

    Default Re: Husband......

    Ouch, I sympathize with you! I only have one child, and he is 12 weeks, but here goes. When I think of the difference in my vagina, I remind myself that I'm not focused on my husband's size and I trust him not to focus on my size. Regarding postpartum sex, we have shifted to primarily manual, or he masturbates while we lay together and I touch him in other places. That satisfies his need for intimacy but takes the pressure off of me.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    855

    Default Re: Husband......

    greetings from an older mother, back in 1986 doctors told husbands and wives to wait 6-8 weeks. twas verboten to do otherwise.
    so, by the time week 3 had come and gone I addressed my DH needs w/o the participation of my vagina.
    he appreciated the attention and 27 years later our marriage has survived the ups and downs of 5 children.
    DD#1 July 1986 VB
    DD#2 April 1988 c/sec
    DS#3 April 1990 VBAC
    DS#4 June 1993 VB
    and suprise!
    DD#5 April 2001 c/sec
    BTDT scars and stretchmarks,: wrinkles and grey hair

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    818

    Default Re: Husband......

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*esthervegan View Post
    I addressed my DH needs w/o the participation of my vagina.
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
    Mami de mi preciosa Elenita
    http://forums.llli.org/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=32384&dateline=131170  7429 OakRoseCharms Free Shipping for LLLadies just pm me! My Blog

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Northern BC, Canada
    Posts
    433

    Default Re: Husband......

    Maybe I'm not as understanding as the others that posted. I had a c-section but bled for 8 weeks so we didn't have sex untill it stopped (like they recommended) and after that, since my husband works out of town, it was only once every two weeks. Thats just the way things went with a baby in our bed. We are only now creeping back up in frequency.
    I have forever to be with him and please him. My baby is only going to be a baby for a short time. He knows I feel this way.
    July 30, 2010-6lbs 2oz- 41w 4d (emergency c-section.) Known dairy, eggs, dogs and cats allergies, eczema, and asthma
    Bonus June 22, 2006 (is 50/50 Custody ) (born 32w) Sensitive to changing temps.
    We BF, BW, Co-sleep and use cloth diapers/pull-ups!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    166

    Default Re: Husband......

    I'm of the opinion that if you have no sex drive then you shouldn't be bothered with it. Men can take care of it themselves, especially with a newborn and two other children. Give it a rest!
    being a SAHM to DD born 12/09

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