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Thread: Hate BFing. HELP.

  1. #1

    Default Hate BFing. HELP.

    I hate to say it, but right now I completely hate nursing her. We are on week 3.5 and I am still in massive pain when she nurses. We had maybe one good day when I thought I'd finally gotten the latch down, then I got mastitis and had to exclusively nurse on the non-affected side for a few days. I pumped every 2 or so hours on the affected side to try to keep up supply, but by the second day I was getting literally drops each time. After five days of antibiotics, the mastitis is gone, but the massive pain is not. I started nursing her again on the "broken" side a couple days ago and expected pain, but now it's on both sides. I canNOT get her to latch deeply. The nipple is always flattened/pinched when she comes off. I unlatch and relatch her 100 times each session, and maybe in that 100 times she'll get a good latch once or twice but invariably she pulls off a bit and brings her lower jaw in tightly. I've tried watching the Dr. Newman BFing vids on YouTube and tried his "wait til the open wide, then forcefully bring them straight on chin first" to try to get the asymetrical latch he talks about, I've tried the "scoop" in the nipple (where you pull it in a bit so you're presenting more of the areola) that they talk about in the "Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" book. I've had two LLL consults over to my house and seen a lactation consultant. I just can't get it. It seems fine (or better) when I'm with them but when they're not here it's horrible again. It hurts just to breathe. I can't stand having ANYTHING touching my nipples; it's horrible. Pumping hurts - not as much as her nursing, but it definitely hurts. We're not talking open bleeding sores that'd I'd expect to be so painful - there are sores, but they're just flat white scabs (our doctor said it was scabs, not a bleb or milk blister). On days when she cluster feeds (like today) I spend most of the day in tears dreading having to feed her. I end up giving her a bottle of pumped BM once a day just to give my nipples a break and she has a better latch on the bottle than she does on me! I assume it's because it's a firmer surface and I can get it shoved in her mouth and therefore force her lower jaw open more. My meager pumped supply is almost gone and I'm dreading it (like, could be gone tomorrow). I know they say no pacifiers and that the baby should fulfill all their sucking needs on mom, but I can't physically have her do that as much as I want to. Not that it matters, because she rejects pacifiers usually.

    I want to do this so badly. I'm the biggest BFing advocate and I want to get this down, but I'm so frustrated and in so much pain and I spend the day with my boobs hanging out (since it hurts to wear a shirt or a bra) looking like a hot flipping mess. I'm seriously considering exclusively pumping until my nipples are healed but I want to have the "true" nursing relationship SO badly and I don't know if I'd be able to get her to ever latch correctly on me then.

    I just don't know what to do. I'm at such a loss. Everyone keeps saying it will get better but I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Denver, Co.

    Default Re: Hate BFing. HELP.

    Oh, mama. I am so sorry you are in this state. Congrats on your new baby. I could have written this post myself when my daughter was your age. The fact is that it does get better, but sometimes it takes more time. It sort of sounds like you could have a case of thrush with regard to the white spots. I know, you're thinking. Thrush? GAHHHH. I cannot do anything more.

    But mama it will get easier. It may just take some more time. Now, let's try to focus on finding some things you can do to help yourself feel better. One thing that really helped me when my nipples were torn to shreds was these - http://www.amazon.com/Philips-AVENT-.../dp/B000058DQJ You can wear them under a shirt so your nipples can breathe and heal and also not be touched by anything. I think I got them at BRU. Maybe you can send your DH/Partner/etc. to go get these or something like it for you tomorrow? Are you using any laonlin? That helped me a lot. They also sell these soothie things that felt like heaven on my torn up nipples: http://www.lansinoh.com/products/soo...sinoh-gel-pads

    Are you using a nursing pillow? The Breastfriend really helped me get my baby in the right position so I could get her latched right. It took me until about 6 weeks to get the latch thing really down. I know you don't want to hear it will take that long, but your baby really still is so small. As she grows her mouth will get bigger and it will be easier to get her latched on right.

    Can you get your doctor to give you a script of All Purpose Nipple Ointment? I am wondering if you have thrush though. Does your baby have any white spots in her mouth? Can you tell me more about these white "scabs" on your breasts? Do you feel itchy or any shooting pains? http://www.nbci.ca/index.php?option=...tion&Itemid=17

    Was the lactation consultant an IBCLC? I would highly suggest this. More hands on help cannot hurt.

    There is a light. Just keep on doing the best you can, mama. It sounds like you are doing amazing.

    Baby Girl Born 2/17/10 to her two mommies
    BF from day one. I looked up one day and realized I'm nursing a toddler!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2011

    Default Re: Hate BFing. HELP.

    I am so sorry to hear about all of your problems!! This was me just a few months ago. (my little angel is 4 months in a few days) We had every problem you can think of. I would definitly get some clotrimazole or its equivalent to see if you have thrush. My baby didnt and i had a touch of it without knowing. And i seen like 5 lactaion consultants. After one told me to try it out, it was like day and night!! All the pain was gone. Its worth a try and does not hurt baby. all the advice from yogininmama are also thing i would try. Good luck

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006

    Default Re: Hate BFing. HELP.

    those "flat white scabs" make me think of thrush...

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Brussels, Belgium

    Default Re: Hate BFing. HELP.

    Like Yoginmama I could have written the same thing when I was in your shoes! I had flat nipples, DD's latch was too shallow because her mouth was just physically too small to take in much, and I have Raynaud's phenomena which was misdiagnosed as thrush for 5 long weeks (I saw 5 different practictioners until I stumbled across the info online and brought it to the last one's attention). I used to tear up when DH handed me DD, and she wanted to bf several times an hour. My nipples cracked and bled. But then I notced around 6 weeks that it hadn't hurt so much lately, DD's mouth was bigger so she latched better, Raynaud's was affecting me less as the weather was warmer and I was staying warm with warm clothes and hot drinks, and at 6wks infant fussiness begins to drop down.

    Also tossing in laid-back breastfeeding to help with latch problems--Google it

    Lastly I want to suggest trying babywearing to help reduce some crying. If you wear baby 3h/day over the course of the day and not in response to crying, it's been shown to reduce crying by 42%. Google 'no sew baby sling' and you'll find some easy and very cheap baby scarves to make. I enlisted DH's help with the evening bath and babywearing to help me get a few minutes to recharge. We also did safe co-sleeping and DD latched better at night when we were both very relaxed.
    Katharine in Belgium
    Be the change you want to see in the world--Mahatma Gandhi
    DD2 Feb 2015 - natural birth VBAC with DD (2010) & DS (2011 VBAC)
    Ouch! Is it thrush or Raynaud's phenomenon?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Where they keep it weird

    Default Re: Hate BFing. HELP.

    mama. Try to hang in there because it's worth it, I promise.
    I am Lea (middle name)
    Mama to Dominic born on 3/23/09
    Wife to G 4/27/07
    We're blessed to have been for 3 years and counting! Proud to with our squirmy worm

    "My home is not a place, it is people."
    -Lois McMaster Bujold

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Lancaster, PA

    Default Re: Hate BFing. HELP.

    I'm seriously in the exact same boat right now! I don't know what to do either... I'm on the verge of throwing in the towel because it just straight up HURTS! And continues to hurt for a while after my DS (7 weeks old today) stops eating. I'm almost 100% sure it's a shallow latch now. He makes a clicking sound almost all the time. We had dealt with thrush for the last 5 weeks, and I THINK we are in the clear with that now, but it's still hurting like crazy. I didn't think it would last this long, and my mom is telling me that I've given him the best of the best so far and it would be ok to give him formula. He's definitely gaining enough weight, but he pulls off sometimes like he's frustrated and not getting enough. I actually took a video of his thrashing and pulling off and crying bit. I'm also planning on showing it to the LLL leaders at the meeting this Wednesday. I'm really praying that SOMEONE can help me! I've already seen the LC at the hospital 2 weeks ago when she diagnosed the thrush. She told me that his latch LOOKED good, but there's no way it FEELS good or right for that matter. I've been obsessing over this now... almost every time I have to BF, I try and do some sort of research... I've watched videos, read articles, read posts on here and other sites. It's so frustrating... Seriously about to give it up if it doesn't get better by next week. Pumping hurts too... Maybe the thrush isn't gone yet... OMG... I can't handle this.
    First time mommy to Brayden Andrew.
    Born 6.12.11, 8lbs 2oz, 21 1/4 inches
    Still trying to get a grasp on this whole breastfeeding thing... It's not as easy as I thought it would be but am sticking with it!!
    DS sleeps longer and better this way! with Balboa Baby & Ergo and cloth diapering

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Yuma, Arizona

    Default Re: Hate BFing. HELP.

    I had the same issue with my first son. We just could't get BF down to where it worked. I eventually just EP for six months. This time around is like night and day and I am able to BF my youngest son. I don't have any advice other than to say I've been there and I am so sorry...the feeling is terrible. People told me the same thing and for me it didn't get better but I think I gave up BF a little too quickly (4 weeks). Hugs your way.
    Pumped for Kaiser (DS1) for 6 months (8/16/08)

    Now BF Ronin (DS2) AND I'M SO HAPPY!!! (6/16/11)

    Donated 140 oz of breast milk (14 oz of colostrum) to the human milk bank in Denver, CO!!!! Check it out!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2011

    Default Re: Hate BFing. HELP.

    I think I may have answered a post you wrote on another board but wanted to offer you my support here as well. I have been in your shoes and actually am still there. I am currently Ep'ing for my daughter because I was hurting so badly and just wouldn't heal. I have been through a shallow latch, tongue tie, thrush, bacterial infections, and still can't get her to latch without pain. I wish I had some sage advice to offer you but I don't since I can't even fix my own issues. (((HUGS)))


  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2011

    Default Re: Hate BFing. HELP.

    I agree with the previous posters that looking into thrush treatment and a prescription for Dr. Newman's All-Purpose Nipple Ointment wouldn't hurt.

    I just wanted to mention that my son had a "disorganized suck" and spent lots and lots of ineffective (painful) time at the breast in his first couple of months. Time and practice did help him, but we saw marked and immediate improvement when we took him to a pediatric chiropractor who adjusted the parietal bones (sides of the skull) that were probably giving him a headache. I have no idea if your LO has any sort of alignment issues that could be affecting the willingness or ability to suck properly, but I wanted to mention my own experience in case it sparks an idea. (I thought I was crazy when I took him in, but I had no other resources left, and I was blown away to see how quickly things improved. It still took a couple months to get everything "right," but the immediate difference was striking.)

    I'm sorry you're going through this.

    If there's any way you can tolerate keeping her at the breast, though, and avoiding EPing, I'd do it. I ended up EPing for my daughter (not because of pain but because she couldn't latch and transfer milk due to my anatomy, and by the time she perhaps could have, she was unwilling despite all my efforts.) I would try for more hands-on help if you can. It's expensive, I now, but so is EPing, and if it's better when you have assistance, that's a really positive step.

    Kudos to you for keeping going through this and for being willing to admit that you hate it right now and need help. All of that is brave.
    I breast milk fed my Blossom for fifteen months (after exclusively pumping for thirteen). My Bud (nineteen months) is still nursing directly (after a rough start that included a few months of pumping and supplementing with mommy's milk).

    TwoDewdrops: Nursing Dresses and Tops for Discreet Breastfeeding (and Pumping)

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