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Thread: Husband......

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    1,805

    Default Re: Husband......

    It will take a while to get your sex drive back - lots of moms say they don't have much libido until their period returns. Three weeks is crazy early - have you even stopped bleeding yet? When my DH was really desperate for some lovin before i was ready, i'd just give him oral and be done with it. No pressure on you. But I would say at three weeks, with two other children your DH should back up a little. Jeez Louise. what are you getting, like three hours of sleep at this point?! I might be telling him to use his hand at that point
    Julia and Maxwell (and Dan and Haddie)
    Maxwell, born January 3, 2010
    A year on Mama's milk and still loving it

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Husband......

    oh honey, i'm in the exact same situation as you. i have 2 under 2, the baby is 8 weeks today. i have absolutley no desire/time/energy for anything pertaining to my husband. he is soooo frustrated with me but i can't help it. it's tiring being a full time working mommy especially when the help at home is extrememly minimal. i was starting to worry that there is something seriously wrong cause my sex drive is non existent. i'm glad to hear that it's common!!
    my husband has gotten to the point where he makes all sorts of snide remarks and i just ignore him. i've managed to put the kids to bed then go do stuff downstairs so he's asleep by the time i crawl into bed...it seems like it's less of "my fault" doing it that way.
    **Joleen**
    mommy to Lil T (8/2/04), D (10/4/09) and Baby B (6/2/11) YES, all boys
    still learning about all this

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,983

    Default Re: Husband......

    Mommal, that story is HILARIOUS! I love it!

    Three weeks? You can tell your husband that my husband didn't get any until I was almost THREE MONTHS postpartum, and then I spent the entire time wincing in pain. It was probably five months before I could DTD without pain. I can't even imagine three weeks. And I had a normal vaginal delivery with only a very shallow and small tear.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Northern BC, Canada
    Posts
    433

    Default Re: Husband......

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*lovepickles View Post
    I'm of the opinion that if you have no sex drive then you shouldn't be bothered with it. Men can take care of it themselves, especially with a newborn and two other children. Give it a rest!
    If I was feeling generous I'd buy him a new magazine :P
    July 30, 2010-6lbs 2oz- 41w 4d (emergency c-section.) Known dairy, eggs, dogs and cats allergies, eczema, and asthma
    Bonus June 22, 2006 (is 50/50 Custody ) (born 32w) Sensitive to changing temps.
    We BF, BW, Co-sleep and use cloth diapers/pull-ups!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    202

    Default Re: Husband......

    I'm right there with you, except my DD2 will be 10 weeks tomorrow...NO SEX DRIVE AT ALL! Like PPs said, I'm constantly nursing, chasing DD1 (who is now in the midst of the "terrible twos") and trying to keep up with the laundry, bills, cleaning, etc. DH complains whenever I ask him to help out with things (he does the cooking, that's the one thing he does do and lately it's been sandwiches and spaghetti-o's) and then he wonders why I don't want to have sex every night! I'm exhausted and trying to get some sleep before DD2 wakes up for a feeding. He complains about being tired all the time, but he's never too tired for sex.

    He was annoyed from the beginning that we had to wait to have sex. He would not stop asking me to try to move my six week appointment a few days closer. Honestly, maybe I'm mean, but I get irritated about being nagged for sex all the time.

    That being said, I've given in a few times and it is uncomfortable, so yes, lube is a definite necessity. I just wish he could understand.

    I'm obviously not giving advice, but it feels good to vent!

    P.S. mommal - that story was hilarious!

  6. #16
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,361

    Default Re: Husband......

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*codepink View Post
    If I was feeling generous I'd buy him a new magazine :P
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #17

    Default Re: Husband......

    Breastfeeding can decrease your sex drive, not only from feeling touched out, but hormonally your body does not want you to be pregnant again, because you need to be able to feed this baby. So you will not have a sex drive, so you will not get pregnant, and your milk supply wont go down due to pregnancy hormones, to make sure there is enough milk for the baby you just had.

    I help my hubby in other ways...and a glass of wine after ds goes to bed helps a lot!!!

    ALSO about the not tearing thing...i dont think women are supposed to tear that much, especially if you give birth in another position besides laying down...
    SAHM of Baby Dominic, we

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Pacific NW
    Posts
    20

    Default Re: Husband......

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sarapunkinpie88 View Post

    ALSO about the not tearing thing...i dont think women are supposed to tear that much, especially if you give birth in another position besides laying down...
    ^This. My first child was a hospital birth on my back. 8lbs and an unusually small head (they monitored her her first year to be sure her skull wasn't fusing too early) and I needed something like 6 stitches. Most recent baby was a midwife attended birth in an independent center, semi-water birth (I actually ended up delivering standing up). 9lb 7 oz baby, sizable head. No stitches.
    It's all about position.

    I'd prally buy my DH a toy and tell him to have at it

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Landof2toddlers, Oregon
    Posts
    3,113

    Default Re: Husband......

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*codepink View Post
    I have forever to be with him and please him. My baby is only going to be a baby for a short time. He knows I feel this way.


    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mamacto3 View Post
    oh honey, i'm in the exact same situation as you. i have 2 under 2, the baby is 8 weeks today. i have absolutley no desire/time/energy for anything pertaining to my husband. he is soooo frustrated with me but i can't help it. it's tiring being a full time working mommy especially when the help at home is extrememly minimal. i was starting to worry that there is something seriously wrong cause my sex drive is non existent. i'm glad to hear that it's common!!
    my husband has gotten to the point where he makes all sorts of snide remarks and i just ignore him. i've managed to put the kids to bed then go do stuff downstairs so he's asleep by the time i crawl into bed...it seems like it's less of "my fault" doing it that way.
    I would call it "his fault. Why would anyone want to have sex with someone who is being mean and refusing to hold up their side of a partnership (this opinion is more out my DH than yours but what you posted sounds sooooooo familiar)
    proud but exhausted working mammy to two high needs babies

    • my surprise baby: the one and only D-Man born 3 weeks late (5/5/08) at 9 lbs 14 oz and 21.5 inches, and
    • the shock H-Girl born about a week late (10/7/09) at 8lbs 15oz and 20.75 inches.


    If I am here I am covered in baby (probably two) and fighting for control of the keyboard.

    Family beds are awesome

    Wondering if you have PPD? Take the screening and see your doctor. You deserve to feel better.

  10. #20

    Default Re: Husband......


    If that route doesn't work, you are perfectly within your rights to tell your DH that you are not feeling ready yet. It is entirely normal not to have much libido at this point, especially when you are feeling completely "touched out" by being in constant contact with a newborn! You can also let your DH know that when it comes to foreplay, there isn't much that is sexier than a man who cleans up the dinner dishes, vacuums the floor, tucks the kids into bed, and lets his wife have a few moments to herself.
    Amen to that!
    ~Tiffany~

    Truly blessed by God
    Wife to Will
    First Time Mom to C 2/18/11
    Made it 6 Mos. EBF Now enjoying BLS
    My baby is a year old now!

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