Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Toddlers - Trying to do everything at once

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    45

    Default Toddlers - Trying to do everything at once

    So we sleep in a family bed, we are still nursing and we are using pull ups.

    I really want to be done with all of it. Does that make me a bad mom? But I'm trying to let her wean herself of all of it (she's 20mos).

    So we've been doing pullups and going to the potty. She did great with EC before 1, but we've been on strike for a bit. She's happy to go and sit on the potty, but still goes in her diaper or on the floor. She takes her diaper off after going in it and then wants to be naked, so I think she's ready. Just not completely ready.

    She started kicking me all night and pushing me off the side of the bed, so we tried her in her bed (a mattress on the floor) and she did well for a couple of nights then started waking up screaming again. I kept taking her back to bed but then I got too tired and let her crawl in with us again. Grandma came to visit and we had to give her my daughters room so we're back to stage one. I have her bed on the floor in our room but she won't sleep more than a few hours there.

    And the nursing I don't even know where to begin. I didn't really want to try to do this all at once so I guess I'm leaving that one alone. But trying to move her to her own bed means way more wakings and way more nursing at night. And I have been handling all of it since I'm home with her right now, but next week I start my new full time job.

    What to do?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Landof2toddlers, Oregon
    Posts
    3,113

    Default Re: Toddlers - Trying to do everything at once

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*riverleaf View Post
    What to do?
    Well wait until you start working for one. The change is going to be massive for both of you.

    You might just find that when you have a break from her all of this gets more manageable. You will be nursing much less and co sleeping ad night nursing might seems a g-dsend for reconnecting. Ditto for only changing half as many diapers...(and not cleaning the floor as many time either)

    Of course, you might still feel the need to be done with all these things (you just never know). In which case picking the one that is annoying you most and working on that is the way to go. And we can help you with techniques for that when you work out which is the worst.

    The stress of a new full time job and wondering how it will affect you and your daughter must be massive. And when you add that to a pretty difficult age...
    Last edited by @llli*durhamgrrl; July 26th, 2011 at 12:03 PM.
    proud but exhausted working mammy to two high needs babies

    • my surprise baby: the one and only D-Man born 3 weeks late (5/5/08) at 9 lbs 14 oz and 21.5 inches, and
    • the shock H-Girl born about a week late (10/7/09) at 8lbs 15oz and 20.75 inches.


    If I am here I am covered in baby (probably two) and fighting for control of the keyboard.

    Family beds are awesome

    Wondering if you have PPD? Take the screening and see your doctor. You deserve to feel better.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    166

    Default Re: Toddlers - Trying to do everything at once

    My 19 month old is in pull ups, co sleeps and nurses just as much as she did last year. I'm a SAHM but I'm also starting to to some side work in the evening after she goes to bed. Lately her first year molars have been coming through and she wakes in the night screaming and freaks us out. Believe me I understand the demand. This age is rewarding, but difficult.

    But no, I don't think you are a bad mom. But it does sound like you are burnt out or have stretched yourself too far. This is a difficult time, developmentally speaking, and as you know changing co-sleeping, nursing and pushing potty learning all at once will probably make it worse. These things WILL all (eventually) change ... it is just a matter of when.

    Just a thought ... perhaps you are distancing yourself from your mommy role so you can mentally prepare yourself to go back to work? Maybe if she is less dependent on you somehow she won't miss you as much? I'm no shrink but detaching from someone before a separation isn't that uncommon. I agree with the response above that you might feel differently once work starts up. I think it might be best to wait this one out and in the meantime take some time for yourself when you can.

    And drop the bad mom guilt crap. You are doing the best you can and we ALL have moments where we want to be D-O-N-E.

    being a SAHM to DD born 12/09

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    45

    Default Re: Toddlers - Trying to do everything at once

    I am burnt out, but it seems that when I try to pull away a bit and get some space - she rebounds twice as hard. If she's not fully asleep she screams when I get up to pee. She burrows herself in my back when I cut off nursing at night and pushes me off the edge of the bed. When finally I'm like fine, I'll sleep in your bed - she wakes up and screams that I'm not in bed. She used to let dh put her down to sleep but she rarely does that now. And during the day she's fine with anyone else but as soon as I come back in the room or the house, she's like a monkey on my leg. I'm all for attachment parenting, but this is beginning to feel a little ridiculous. I spend most of the day with her, and I make a point to have some one on one time where she really gets my full attention, yet its like I've been away for months when I step to the computer for an instant. She's better when we are out and about, so we try to go out and do things - the museum, the playground, playdates, etc. And I'm hoping that means she'll be better when she's been in school/daycare all day. And I know when I'm out by myself I miss her. DH does well with giving me alone time - takes her to the pool for an hour or out to the playground, but I feel so deprived its like I've had no time at all. And I feel guilty because he's had a busy day work and needs some downtime himself and I'm always pushing her on to him in the evenings. I guess I'm really not meant to be a SAHM. Thanks for listening to my vent.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,983

    Default Re: Toddlers - Trying to do everything at once

    I'm not a SAHM, but I know this much: being a SAHM is a HARD job. No one is "meant" for it. Our ancestors raised their babies in tight-knit villages, remember? Lots and lots of help from grandmas, aunties, and sibs. So don't get down on yourself.

    I have a 27 month old, and we have gone through various "high-needs" stages. Sometimes you have to take a deep breath, dig a little deeper in yourself for that extra bit of energy, and just hang in there. Things will change when you go back to work. They might not be easier, but they will change. And in the meantime, as a working mom with a stay-at-home-husband, I wholeheartedly support passing the baby off at the end of the day. Believe me, I get plenty of quiet time at my office job, and I can handle taking on some responsibility in the evenings. I do think many SAHMs take on too much, imagining that they have to protect their spouse from most of the grunt-work of parenting because they "work hard." Well, so do you. You work really hard. So pass off your DD a bit in the evenings, and don't feel bad about it!


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Where they keep it weird
    Posts
    1,182

    Default Re: Toddlers - Trying to do everything at once

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*joe.s.mom View Post
    I'm not a SAHM, but I know this much: being a SAHM is a HARD job. No one is "meant" for it. Our ancestors raised their babies in tight-knit villages, remember? Lots and lots of help from grandmas, aunties, and sibs. So don't get down on yourself.

    I have a 27 month old, and we have gone through various "high-needs" stages. Sometimes you have to take a deep breath, dig a little deeper in yourself for that extra bit of energy, and just hang in there. Things will change when you go back to work. They might not be easier, but they will change. And in the meantime, as a working mom with a stay-at-home-husband, I wholeheartedly support passing the baby off at the end of the day. Believe me, I get plenty of quiet time at my office job, and I can handle taking on some responsibility in the evenings. I do think many SAHMs take on too much, imagining that they have to protect their spouse from most of the grunt-work of parenting because they "work hard." Well, so do you. You work really hard. So pass off your DD a bit in the evenings, and don't feel bad about it!
    I am Lea (middle name)
    Mama to Dominic born on 3/23/09
    Wife to G 4/27/07
    We're blessed to have been for 3 years and counting! Proud to with our squirmy worm

    "My home is not a place, it is people."
    -Lois McMaster Bujold

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    112

    Default Re: Toddlers - Trying to do everything a

    I know for me every time I was at the end of my rope something would finally get better so I am sure it will for you to just might take a little time. I remember my son wanting to nurse all night and thinking I wanted to be done. I would sleep in his bed with him so he wouldn't wake my husband if I wouldn't nurse him and he cried didn't really work that well because neither of us got sleep and I always eventually gave in but then all of a sudden he didn't need to nurse at much at night. My son turns 3 next month. He's been potty trained for over a month and doesn't even wet the bed and the other day in target he just had to have Cars sheets and bed spread and I said I would only buy it if he sleeps in his own bed. First night he did sleep all night of course one of my daughters slept with him, but its a start. I have left weaning for the last, not sure when that will happen My goal was two years and now it looks like I 'll definitely make it 3. You've gotten some great advice here just want to let you know it will get better.
    Did this for 9months with Kailey and Hailey
    who are now 8.

    weaned Dane somewhere around 3.5 no longer he likes to sleep with his sisters He's now 5

    Now I am , , My baby Cruz who is almost 6 months and my last baby

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Southern Indiana
    Posts
    128

    Default Re: Toddlers - Trying to do everything a

    I am a SAHM and I have a licensed day care in our home too. I know how you feel about wanting to be done i too have been there. My LO will be 2y next month and is asleep(after nursing of course) in my lap as I type. She is also very high needs right now. She sleeps with us and for the last few weeks she can't lay still.....however I know why, I have been away from her more the last few weeks with my oldest doing softball practices and games, before this she had started sleeping around 6 hours straight at night. I am hoping that now that things have settled she will go back to that. With your up coming job I would be prepared for her to be more clingy until she gets use to the new routine. As far as potty training I would wait, I have learned that they will do it when they are ready and even if she was going potty now the chances are very good that she would regress once you start your job anyway.. I'm not trying to make you feel worse or more anxious this is just what I have experienced on my own and with some of the kids I have cared for over the years. I too would LOVE to get our bed back but I have no idea when that will be.....
    I serve an awsome God!!

    Bailee 9y

    JW 6y

    Liberty 3y
    Ethaniel

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    45

    Default Re: Toddlers - Trying to do everything a

    Thanks ladies for all the great advice.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •