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Thread: Daddy doesn't get it

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
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    28

    Default Daddy doesn't get it

    Hi ladies,
    I'm wondering if there are others out there who have wishy/washy supportive husbands?? My husband is pretty great for the most part but it seems like with baby stuff he's a moron. Last night Braeden ate, only about an ounce (BM in a bottle) before we ran out of the house. When we got to my MIL's he nursed again but only for a short amount of time. After about 45 mins he was screaming again so he nursed again, this time he did much better, 16 mins just on one side. I commented that I can't believe he's eating again and that he's a porker. My husband offered that maybe my milk wasn't thick enough. To me that just sounds silly, why would we make it if it wasn't enough to fill the baby?? He's commented before when he fusses a lot that maybe my milk went bad. I get frustrated and tell him if he wants to start shelling out money for formula then so be it. He thinks I'm just emotional and gets irritated with that. BUT, I get super irritated with his snide comments.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    1,056

    Default Re: Daddy doesn't get it

    Talk to him. Tell him his comments are unhelpful, unsupportive, and hurtful. Tell him BEFORE he has already said something, while neither of you is upset about anything @ the moment. Tell him you aren't trying to bring up past arguments, but that you just want to share your feelings. Share with him this: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/enough-milk.html It sounds like he needs education about breast feeding!

    Good luck!
    Little SW, Aug '09
    Miss MW, Jan '11
    Sir RW, Oct '12
    3 kids in 38 mos

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    818

    Default Re: Daddy doesn't get it

    Sorry to hear it If its any consolation, my DH made heaps of frankly ignorant commentary for the first 3 months of me nursing my LO. "Why can't we give her milk from the fridge", and the like. He still says some pretty hilarious stuff, but now I know its not from a place of maliciousness or unsupportiveness he literally was just clueless. As long as that's what your DH is, sometimes its just easier to just ignore the comments altogether (although I didn't do this, most of my reactions were like "what the...you don't know what the you're talking about so just stop talking" Now he has figured out that breastfeeding is my department and he stays out of it. Sometimes guys want to help, as in fix the problem, so they offer a lot of crap suggestions trying to do that. You can start off a lot of conversations like I did (after I figured it out), to DH: "I don't need you to fix it, just venting". Although its better to just vent here

    eta: i pretty much acted like i had everything covered and under control with nursing (even when I didn't). when i needed help with it, I came here or talked to a nursing friend, I didn't talk to him, since his "help" was not helpful but frustrating as your DH's seems to be as well. good luck with everything
    Last edited by @llli*oakdryad5; July 21st, 2011 at 04:00 PM.
    Christine
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Utica, New York
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    9

    Default Re: Daddy doesn't get it

    My DH is very religious and seemed uncomfortable with me breastfeeding. So one day I said "ya know... Jesus was breastfed!" To that he replied, "well they didn't have formula back then." Ugh I was so ticked off! He has gotten better but I understand it can be frustrating when you are working hard to give your child the best nutrition and you're not getting support.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    321

    Default Re: Daddy doesn't get it

    My husband was a bit clueless at first and said some dumb things, but he really turned a corner after a couple visits from the Lactation Consultant. We had trouble latching, which turned out to be a posterior tongue tie. The LC really involved my husband and he is a naturally curious person so asked a lot of questions. Now I can have intelligent conversations with him about BFing. I don't know if you have an LC, but that might be an avenue for him to some knowledge!!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    21,266

    Default Re: Daddy doesn't get it

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jeno View Post
    Talk to him. Tell him his comments are unhelpful, unsupportive, and hurtful. Tell him BEFORE he has already said something, while neither of you is upset about anything @ the moment.


    Sometimes you have to spell it out for a guy. "I need you to say X. I need you not to say Y. If you can obey those simple instructions, you will get Z, which is a happy wife who doesn't hit you over the head with a frying pan."

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*frankiesmoomy View Post
    My DH is very religious and seemed uncomfortable with me breastfeeding. So one day I said "ya know... Jesus was breastfed!" To that he replied, "well they didn't have formula back then." .
    OMG. . How did you not bop him over the head?
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    Shakedown St.
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    Default Re: Daddy doesn't get it

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*jeno View Post
    It sounds like he needs education about breast feeding!
    This is so true; he is saying some pretty ridiculous things. That would drive me nuts. I agree that you should tell him that he needn't say anything if he doesn't have anything helpful to say.

    However, I hopped on to say precisely this:

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*expat-mum View Post
    Even the most supportive husbands say insensitive/ignorant things from time to time.
    My husband has been amazingly supportive of my breastfeeding from the moment we found out we were having a baby. However his support could be pretty aggravating at times. He watched and payed attention to the LCs at the hospital (who weren't all that great by the way), then when we got home he would stand over me as I nursed and parrot back everything he heard at the hospital. I know he was trying to help, but he didn't get that we were carving out our own groove that worked for us rather than trying to do what we had been told worked for "most women". Because he was trying to help and to be involved I didn't feel I could say anything no matter how irritated I was.

    He would also evaluate every single thing that I ate or drank when our little guy would get upset with gas or even just get upset for no identifiable reason. This from the guy who made absolutely no lifestyle changes to accommodate the newest member of the family until I had a surgery and he had no choice. This is something I did address with him.

    I guess the point I'm trying to make is that no husband, no matter how well intentioned, will truly understand every aspect of what you are going through as a mother because they have a different role. It's not necessarily their fault, but sometimes they do need to be enlightened to the facts about whatever it is they happen to be running their mouth about at the moment.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Daddy doesn't get it

    Thank you ladies!!! It's so great to know that my husband isn't the only ignorant one out there!
    I really do love him but sometimes I could hit him with a frying pan. With my middle son he only nursed for 4 mos but I was home with him the whole time, this time I'm back to work at 6 weeks and I feel like sending the good boob juice to daycare is my way of still being there with him, since I can't hold him every day like I did his older brother
    We don't have an LC, we seem to be doing pretty good on our own, didnt even have one come see me in the hospital?
    I suppose I'll just continue to give Braeden the boob juice and do what we need to to have a happy baby and try my best to ignore the comments...maybe I'll work on educating my hubs but I don't think he'll be that receptive, he's fairly stubborn.

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