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Thread: Sleep help!!

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    251

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with your husband, on top of being sleep deprived and trying so hard to figure out how to best mother your little girl. My DH was against co-sleeping at first, too. I finally asked him about it again last week (on our first date in 10 months!!!) and now he says he really likes having her there with us, that it just feels right. Everything I've read about co-sleeping says the same thing: dads really like it. There are some books specifically about co-sleeping you may want to look at: "The Family Bed" by Tine Thevenin, "Sleeping with your Baby" by James McKenna, and a good chapter in "Attachment Parenting" by Katie Granju. Reading really helped me identify why I wanted to gently parent my baby to sleep instead of let her CIO. I understand now there are health risks involved with letting your baby cry, I understand the emotional agony you are putting a tiny infant through when you place that burden on her before she understands what's going on.

    It seems like people who advocate letting a baby cry (for sleep or otherwise) are looking for the easy way out, like it's easier on the mother to just shut the door and walk away. Unfortunately, none of those people has the emotional and physical connection that you have with your baby, not even your husband. I truly believe a man cannot understand what it does to us mothers to hear our LOs cry. You ARE NOT doing a disservice to her by tending to her needs, rather you are setting up the stage for a strong attachment first to you, and then to other people. Child psychologists refer to the first year of life as the attachment phase. It is when babies are learning to either have a general trust or mistrust of the world. Meeting her needs for food and comfort now will increase the likelihood of general emotional and physical health later on.

    But you know this, you know what's best for your baby. I wish I knew how to make your husband understand.

    BTW, the Pantley Pull Off may take some time to have any real effect. In the beginning, it is likely that your DD will just be a little perturbed, but give it time. That's the annoying thing about all gentle sleep solutions. They take time and there's no way of knowing if they will actually work. But CIO doesn't always work either. I suppose you can tell your husband that.
    -Hannah

    SAHM-WAHM to lovely Lizzie, born at home 9/14/2010


  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,562

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    I'm so sorry. My husband wanted to do the same thing your husband wants to do. He thought it wouldn't be any big deal if we did CIO. I did not agree. I slept in the guest room with my first daughter for a long time, when she was waking every 20 to 45 minutes. And then I was back in our room for a while and she was sleeping some in the crib in her room and some in our room. It all came to a head when she was around 14 months old when I told him that I am NEVER doing CIO with her. He took over nights with her gradually when she was between 20months and 2 years old because I was pregnant with her sister. As soon as she made a peep he would run into her room. He is no longer on the CIO train anymore.

    What about putting the crib mattress on the floor and nursing her down on that? That way you can sleep on the floor in her room if you need to.

    It's really hard when you're put in between your child and your husband like that.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    251

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    Would scientific facts help bring your husband around, do you think? If you've got time on your hands, take a look at this: http://gulliblenewparent.blogspot.co...is-normal.html. Read all three parts of the post. Very interesting facts about what CIO and separation does to a baby's brain (basically re-wires it, eek!!!)

    ETA: Someone else just posted this at the parenting forum. I didn't find it on my own!
    -Hannah

    SAHM-WAHM to lovely Lizzie, born at home 9/14/2010


  4. #14
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    South River, NJ
    Posts
    70

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    I'm so sorry you are having trouble with your husband. I agree with PP that men really cant understand how much it hurts to hear our babies cry. Do what you feel is right, if that means staying with your LO in her room on the floor for a few months then do it. I'm sure it will go faster then you want anyhow.

    I finally got my DS to sleep in the bassenet the other night & DH told me to bring him back to bed cause neither of us could sleep without him lol
    Mommy to Christopher 02/26/11 my miracle baby


  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    54

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    Hi Wasliche, Thank you for your comments.. I was wondering if you could explain what you did and how you did it until X oclock.

    Did nurse your baby to sleep and then put her in her crib? did you use the pantly pull off method?

    and when you held her, did you hold her for the rest of the night or until she fell asleep?

    sorry about the questions.. i just want to try and understand..

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*wasliche View Post

    I set a rule that I would do this for any waking before X o'clock, and afterwards I would just hold her. Ie, midnite, then 2 am, 3 am etc - that way we gently sleep trained (crib trained, really), didn't "punish" her for earlier night wakings, but we both managed to get some longer stretches of uninterrupted sleep

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,293

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    hi mama! i would go to the baby's room and set myself up in there, but that is just me. another mama posted this on here once and i think its great, i want to do it when my lo gets bigger:
    http://www.freewebs.com/sidecarcrib/

    good luck! maybe have another talk with dh when its a better time. your feelings are important.

  7. #17

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    So- a few things:

    1. Getting awfully close to 6 mos where there is a major growth/developmental spurt and babies wake up a lot. Even when they sleep close to you.

    2. Make your husband's rules have natural consequences. If he wants her down the hall, then he can get her and bring her to you every time she wakes up. Just tell him CIO is not an option for you. Also CIO can break the trust between you and your baby which leads to many of negative behavior changes. If it's not for you just say it.

    3. If he's not going to help get her, and isn't helping at night, then he doesn't get to decide how it's done. How is that fair. Its like having a crappy boss at work. That's where the resentment comes in. We compromised and use the side car, and you can even have it with all four sides on if your DH feels like she's more independent that way. Then you can just sit up, lean over the rail get baby and then put baby back. http://www.freewebs.com/sidecarcrib/

    Your baby is soo young and is already going through so many changes that will wake her up, you don't want to add to that right now.
    Carmen-Noel mum to James born naturally 8/28/2010.
    Mommy's little pumpkin head


    We love our amber necklace from @llli*expat-mum. PM her for the most beautiful effective teething aide we've found!

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    141

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    im not sure if this is much help but im a first time mother as well and we are still working out the kinks in getting our DD to sleep. She finally has learned how to fall asleep on her own. with repeated 5 minute intervals of going in there to reassure her and patting her on the back and stroking her cheek and putting a paci back in her mouth and closing the door and waiting another 5 minutes. like you, i coslept with her her entire life and breastfed to comfort her. I found that it was too overwhelming to completely sleep train her. so. instead i broke it up and so far its working out (with the exception of nap times but thats a different monster for me lol) i told myself first just lets get her to figure out how to fall asleep on her own, and then we will tackle her staying asleep. by slowly lengthening the times between her mid-night wakings. it seems to be improving and its a really slow process.. i know that i may sound mean but one night she woke up in and was crying but i was in the middle of an important international phone call so i just let her cry for a bit and within five minutes (which felt like an eternity on my end) she fell back asleep. i think that the crying bothers us more than it really bothers baby. im sure other mothers may not agree with this and may find me heartless, so sorry to those of you who do!! but i really do feel your pain. best of luck!

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    54

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    Hi Everyone.

    Thanks again for everyones help. We have had progress? i dont know if you would cal it that.

    I spoke with my husband last week and we had a very heated discussion as we always do about our dd. I told him i wouldnt let him do the CIO and as much we argue about it and how much he drains me when we have this same conversation i sometimes just want to give it but i cant. I just cant let him do it. so anyway i have been sleeping with her in her room and i told him she will sleep better with me close to her.

    So we are moving the crib into our room although i know this wont be the end of it. He just doesnt want her in our room and wants her to just sleep through the night.. im really just stuck cos he wont research and he just wants to know a date when she will be going back to her room.

    I am sorry i am just venting..

    On the other note. DD is sleeping better with me close and i even see her falling back asleep by herself sometimes if i just touch her. OMG i love sleeping with my baby and its just the most right thing in the world.. i wish he could see this and just let me do my job of being her mother...

    ok that was it. Thanks again everyone.. i really appreciate having this site available and knowing that what feels right to me is something that it just normal and so heavily followed by other mothers and families..

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,562

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    Big hugs to you mama. Maybe he will get over it. My DH was really against it with our first. And then this weekend I was talking about what are we going to do when the baby is too big for the cosleeper, blah blah blah, and he said I should do whatever makes it easier for me. I wouldn't have believed he would say that ever with Lilah.

    I would just move her in and then not talk about her sleep with him anymore.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

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