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Thread: Sleep help!!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    54

    Default Sleep help!!

    Hi,

    I am new to this site after searching and searching for gentle parenting i hope to get some much needed advice.

    Im a first time mother of a 5 1/2 month girl. She had co slept in our bed since she was born and i exclusively breastfeed. She nurses to sleep almost every night and almost every nap time. My husband and i think differently about co sleeping but thats another story, due to this we have moved her to her room. Not blaming my husband completely but we do have a small bed and my daughter does like to sleep in the star fish position so that doesnt leave much room for us on the bed.

    I would take her to bed with me at 7.30 because thats the earliest i could go to bed with having dinner. She would not sleep alone at all, she would just wake up if i wasnt there which i understand. Anyway she would feed to sleep and wake up at 1 or 3 to feed again and then wake up every hour until 6am when she would be awake and sometimes if we were lucky she would sleep another hour till 7am.

    about 3 weeks ago we moved her to her room. I am adamant not to try the cio method (which my husband is happy to try , he doesnt see it as a problem for her to cry herself to sleep, he thinks that she will learn to put herself to sleep and then sleep all night... if only he knew )and so i have said no and i am trying everything i can to help her sleep as long a stretch as possible for her. first tried to feed, waited until she fell asleep and then put her in her crib. With this she would wake up the moment we put her in. So then i put the crib mattress on the floor and layed with her, fed her and she would fall asleep. I would lay for a few mins and get up and she sleeps for an hour maybe 2 and very rarely 3.

    With naps i cant put her down anywhere so i carry her around alot in my Ergo when we go out and while im in the house. I want to make sure she gets sleep so i am happy to wear her.

    I know she can sleep till 1 am because she used to sleep in bed with me and now wake up once in between. Now while she is sleeping in her mattress she wakes up every hour... maybe 2 or 3/4 the most which i am really happy with... I'm just finding it so hard with the 1 hour wakings. I end up spending alot of time in her room on her matress and falling asleep there but its so uncomfortable. She seems to wake up alot and just wanting to feed. The other night she just woke up every 30 mins and sucked fell asleep and sucked fell asleep ahain.. I know right now she must need it or she wouldnt wake up? I feel like im doing it all wrong.. i dont know what to do i am so desperate.. i just feel like a terrible mother for putting her in her room.

    Basically:-

    1. i want to carry on nursing her at night at 1 am and if she needs another after that.
    2. i dont want for nursing to be the only way she falls asleep now (even though this is how i set things up) i think if she can fall asleep by herself it will be easier for her to go to bed and to fall asleep again when she wakes up. And i really want to beable to do this without having to resort to the cio

    i adore our baby and want to do whats right for her. please help. thank you so much for your time.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,564

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    Do you have to reach your end goal today? My first baby was the same at 6 months and we had moved her to her crib. Right when teething started. Not a good plan.

    What do you think about a mattress on the floor in her room - and leave her on it when you leave? She doesn't need to be in a crib.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    2,197

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    Is there room in your bedroom to sidecar the crib to your bed? If there is, that is a nice interim step. It gets her used to sleeping in her crib, but allows you to get more sleep. And once she is sleeping for longer stretches, you can detach the crib, and put the other side back on it, and move it away from the bed. And then when she is sleeping well enough for you to get enough sleep, you can put the crib (which she is totally sued to now) in her room, and only have to get out of bed a few times a night to go in there.
    Teal

    25 May 96 and 14 January 08 and 27 February 2012

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    54

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    Hi mommy2lilah

    No i'm not trying to rush things.. she is on her mattress on the floor from the second day we moved her in her room. I lay with her and feed her when she wakes up everytime and alot of the times i fall asleep with her.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    251

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    We've dealt with a lot of these issues at our house, too. DD sleeps longer next to me, but a queen bed just doesn't feel big enough for three. Having the crib set up as a side car really makes a difference in my ease of feeding her at night, though she still wakes up quite frequently. It is a nice compromise for us. I tried the crib mattress on the floor, as well, but it is pretty dreadful.

    You seem uncomfortable having your LO down the hall instead of snuggled right next to you, and I bet she feels the same way. That is totally right and natural for a 5 month old, who still feels as though she and mommy are one. As far as I can see it, that is 2 to 1 against your husband (not that I want to encourage any kind of hostility-I certainly don't.) And YOU and your daughter are the ones paying the price for being separated at night. You are both losing valuable sleep. I think there must be a compromise you can come to with your husband, if you are open and honest about why you don't want to let DD CIO and what it is doing to you both to be waking up all night long. Sometimes my DH offers to sleep on the couch and let the 2 of us share the bed all night. It's not ideal, but it does make life bearable for that night. Sometimes, DD will start the night in bed with us and get moved to her sidecar after she wakes the first time. This could work for you, getting you that nice long stretch of sleep at the beginning of the night. Family beds are very flexible, ideally accommodating everyone's needs. And they aren't forever. Your baby will learn to sleep through the night, but right now she needs you and your milk close by.

    If you haven't, check out the sleep forum. I'm sure you can find a lot of great advice there. You may also want to check out the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. There are ideas for helping your baby learn to sleep in ways other than always nursing to sleep.

    Also, baby's sleeping patterns change a lot in the early months. Even if you took DD back into bed with you, she still may not sleep until 1 am. It's very common to have sleep regressions, and it's relatively uncommon to have a baby STTN.
    -Hannah

    SAHM-WAHM to lovely Lizzie, born at home 9/14/2010


  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    South River, NJ
    Posts
    70

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    We are currently looking for a solution to bed-sharing ourselves (although I dont think I am ready to make the move yet I honestly love having my little boy in my arms at night). I am currently reading "the No-cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. There are allot of good ideas in it. It has helped me feel a bit more comfortable thinking about making the move.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    South River, NJ
    Posts
    70

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    Also, The Dr. Sears website has some info on it about gentle sleep training. They might have a book too.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    199

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    My little guy had a problem with his crib at first too. I swaddled him (I got the velcro swaddles), which he didn't used to like, and it works wonders. He will even sometimes fall asleep on his own if put in the crib when he is sleepy and swaddled. Good luck
    Please excuse my typos, I am always NAK.

    DS since 1/30/11

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    25

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    My almost-6mo-DD did not sleep anywhere but in someone's arms for the first 2 mos of her life (maybe three. I can't remember) and still naps best in-arms. Similar to you, DH was against co-sleeping, for some valid reasons. i know they say not to but I would bf her to sleep (recliner, in her room) and then fall asleep holding her. She would pretty much be on the boob the entire time, supported on pillow or boppy so that when my arms went limp she wasn't going to fall or anything. DH was not happy about not having me in bed with him, but I told him there were 2 alternatives: cosleeping or living with me on zero sleep, he didn't like either of those options! DD would often sleep 3 hour or so stretches this way, so I was getting a reasonable amount of sleep so as not to interfere with normal brain function, lol.
    After a few mos I read Pantley's book, Dr Sears, and Weissbluth - he is full of good info as long as you skip over anything sounding like CIO. There really is other good info regarding sleep patterns at different ages, etc. Just ignore the CIO. I would start putting DD in her crib once she was totally, completely sound asleep. For a few weeks I slept in the recliner by myself or on her floor, because she would almost always wake up within an hour. After a while I started slipping back into my own bed
    I set a rule that I would do this for any waking before X o'clock, and afterwards I would just hold her. Ie, midnite, then 2 am, 3 am etc - that way we gently sleep trained (crib trained, really), didn't "punish" her for earlier night wakings, but we both managed to get some longer stretches of uninterrupted sleep (important for mommas and babies both)! I also played with her in her crib during the day, so that she learned that the crib was an okay place to be - not to learn "go in crib, cry, get picked up", more like "go in crib, hang out, sometimes sleep or sometimes just look at the mobile." I didn't want her to associate crib = crying.
    Instituting a bedtime routine (bath/wash, diaper, pj's, rocking, prayers, goodnight moon - also seemed to help starting around 3 mos. She was probably too young to understand most of it, but now it defnitely signals "sleep" to her (and when I have trouble falling asleep i just recite goodnight moon in my head. works like a charm!) Hang in there mama, you're doing the right thing and it will just take a little time for you and baby both to figure it out!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    54

    Default Re: Sleep help!!

    Hi everyone,


    Thank you so much for all of your comments. I went and bought the no cry sleep solution book and have just finished reading it. I found some good info in it and will try it tonight.

    My baby dd has been waking up every hour since i last wrote and i just feel like she needs me right now...I have spoken to my husband about why i dont want to use the CIO method and i feel like im hitting a brick wall. All his friends and family have done it so why cant we. Last night i told him that i was tired and he said well if we tried it my way then she wouldnt be waking up every hour.... UGHHHHHHH i hate this and i am so frustrated with him. he just doesnt get it and i cant seem to explain it to him. ... he just doesnt want to know.

    i told him we could put the crib in the room so she could be next to me and i could feed her and this wouldnt be so hard for me but he keeps going back to how he wants her in her room and we should try the CIO...he thinks that we are doing her a dis service by going to her when she wakes and not training her to sleep.


    I feel weak, tired and like an idiot.. and im beginning to resent him... i kinda cant deal with him and his ridiculousness right now so will deal with it later... i just wish i had a husband like so many other women do who would just let me get on with taking care of her while she is so young..

    anyway im going to try putting her in her crib tonight and will try the pantly pull of .. wish me luck...

    i guess i just need some encouragement that what i want to do for our daughter is an investment for her future even if im not getting tons of sleep and it will be worth it...

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